Personal Narrative: Loss Of Emotions

As the Frost Festival finally drew to a close, the excitement of the frost fae, both royal and non-royal, began to wane as the festivities and parties died down, and the frosty multicolored flags of the various frost fae Clans were taken down and folded neatly for storage until the next Festival. I’d been working as a Frost Guardian for over twelve hours protecting the princess of the Snowflake clan, and, even though I thought that I was going to be beyond exhausted and more than ready for bed, I still felt strangely wide awake and even a little buzzed with adrenaline, like I’d gotten energy from the remnants of the festivities that had happened around me and the fact that I was finally training in the real world as a Guardian.

Walking from my car, I grab a lukewarm Dr. Pepper as I make my way into my house. As I make my way up to my room I toss my backpack onto my bed, fall into my desk chair and crack open the soda. Another basic day at school topped off with sports practice that went to long and a mountain of AP Biology, AP Government and AP whatever homework. It’s already 6:00 PM and even though I should get started on my homework, I kick my feet up on my bed and out of reflex my phone is in my hand and I’m instantly taken back by the ungodly amount of messages I missed during practice. As I scan the texts I can’t believe I forgot what happened today. Avenged Sevenfold released a new album. It’s been the only thing that my friends have been talking

Based on my personal experience and the information that I studied with much scrutiny, I have comparatively came up with the determination that I personally suffered greatly from lack of attachment in my early childhood this in turn affected my sense of worth, and social abilities that should have helped me form healthy relationships with cohorts. Unfortunately, I didn’t have that so I was unable to have compassion, and “play nice” with others.

I wake up in a dark room to the sound of my dogs barking. Sweat beading on my brow (dear Gods how I miss AC) I leave the feigned safety of my bedroom to find it light out. The floor in front of my room is damp—the deep freezer in the hallway has been thawing out over the recent days since we lost power. Except it wasn’t just us that lost power, it was everyone. When it happened, Dad was frustrated—he never liked not knowing what was going on—and Mom was afraid. Without power, there are precious few days left for my dad.

As a child, I was often watching; I lived in a quiet and modest manner. I assumed if you only watched; you couldn’t get hurt, you couldn’t disappoint anyone. I grew into it, seeing things collapse around me and only staring. Like a child who makes a mess and hides, unsure of what to do to rectify it. It took sixteen years to break away from the habit of watching, of just seeing myself fail over and over without attempting to fix that. It took sixteen years to realize only watching did more harm than trying.

The first time I experienced a major emotional breakdown was in my sophomore year of high school. I had struggled with issues such as ADD and anxiety in the past, but they hit me the hardest during the first semester of that year. Despite my best efforts, I simply could not bring myself to turn in any work. I felt that all of my assignments were subpar, and that turning them in would simply waste my teachers’ time. However, the assignments I struggled with the most were those that were timed. I felt pressured to make everything look perfect, but lacked the time necessary to do so. Toward the end of the first semester, I was required to write a time bound benchmark essay in my English class. As English was my seventh period, I spent the entire day leading up to the class

I had zero clues as to what to do with my emotions. I was alone on top of that, I have an older brother, but we were very distant as he is 7 years older, and I clearly could not speak to my mother as she was in deeper than any of us. Once I began to realize how wrong and real my situation was, I was in Canada, with a language that I barely knew, and kids that had nothing in common with me. I was young and isolated. This definitely affected the way I reacted and interpreted the whole situation. I became depressed and anxious due to all that happened and that was out of my control. My perspective and behavior were no longer in my hands or my choice, my brain had a chemical imbalance and people made the decision for me that it defined me, so

“Oh, they’re just a few tics, just calm down and they’ll go away,” my father exclaimed as I blinked rapidly and jerked my head twice toward my right shoulder. At the tender-age of four, I was constantly struggling to control myself. I recall standing by the wooden-child’s table, when all-of-a-sudden, I felt the overwhelming urge to lift my small, royal-blue cup and replace it in the same-precise-place three times. I spent upwards of five minutes repeating these steps: up-and-down, up...and-down (wrong-try-again). The longer I took the more infuriated I became. Soon, the process became a vicious cycle of failure.

Sadly this isn't the first time I said this here as it seems I have said this far to often for my liking because I never like writing about the passing of another wrestler. Unfortunately it seems most of the members of our favorite stars pass away very young as compared to some other sporting outlets. The news broke late last night that former MMA fighter and most notably former pro-wrestler Sean O' Haire had passed away. I like most members of the IWC was very saddened to hear the news and hoped that this new was false and Sean would come out and deny the rumors, sadly he did not and it was later confirmed he had passed.

Here comes high school’s senior year. All the stress accompanying deadlines, standardized tests, and deciding my future, has arrived. After being able to maintain efficient grades throughout my high school career, I am faced with my greatest obstacle yet. I must choose my next destination from thousands of colleges. First, I ought to narrow my options. Knowing, although not completely confident, that I will major in computer engineering, I start to search deeper for colleges that offer this program. Wanting to stay close to home, I cross out colleges based on distance. Believing that my biggest motivation is getting the best education, I delve deeper into my research and start to find top rated colleges. I finally

You are a child, innocent to the land beyond a fortress of comfort and there’s a challenge you never could imagine, yet you were facing this challenge, years before you were even aware. Never believing in the possibility that someone close to you, would one day become one of the most difficult people to interact with. This involves accepting the reality that your parent has lost their true soul to a bottle of Tequila. You live a childhood pure and oblivious to any possibilities at this age of innocence, therefore ulterior motives are not suspected. You are at peace, left unaware of what happens behind closed doors. At the time, I never had a major concern for my mother’s behavior; I only assumed her to be an adult and one with full authority. Often times she behaved oddly and against her moral codes, however no further questions would be asked. There was only acceptance for her and what I believed to be a normality.

In life we find many things to be important to us, but sometimes you have to take a step back and see what the most important thing may be. In my life I find that family is the most important thing, and most specifically my mom. She is a strong-willed person who has always encouraged me and has my back, helps me in growing to be a better person, and stood beside me in some of the toughest times.

You never know what you have until it’s gone. I know this saying to be true. I went from being in an upper-middle class family to barely surviving paycheck to paycheck. I used to resent being poor, but it was honestly the reality check I needed.

We all have commitments, such as school, work, family, and extracurricular activities; however, many of us are inclined to prioritize one aspect, reducing the amount of time we have for others, causing imbalance. In the visual, the author depicts a man standing on chairs above a chimney covered by a desk, with buildings in his vicinity. The man is struggling to sustain his balance, but he knows he must do so; otherwise, he will undoubtedly fall. This is a metaphorical representation of how difficult it is to maintain balance in our lives, but it is critical to do so; otherwise, it negatively impacts our well-being, causing stress and dissatisfaction.

It was November 15, 2016. I look out my window hoping that don’t see the blazing hot sun ripping through my white curtains almost taunting me. All I see is the clouds laying low on the mountain tops giving my eye a storybook illusion. I know I have to get out of bed but the comfort of my blue cotton sheets keep me trapped in a bundle of warmness making the struggle that much harder. eventually, I pull off the what seemed to be my morning happiness and go to the restroom.