Personal Narrative: Moving To A New Girl

During the time that I would quietly sit in a classroom, or in a centrum by myself I would question why no one saw what I did in the mirror whenever I looked at myself. A youthful young man is what I saw from the very beginning, one that was intelligent, fit, determined, and honest. However, no one saw what I did instead they criticized how insane I was for not seeing the physical me. No matter how many times I tried to push the negativity out of my mind things only got worse from then on. Depression and anxiety settled in along with a daily dose of bullying from students when I went to school. The physical harassment got worse, I recall days I wanted to give up because I wanted them to feel the pain they dealt me, but refused to hurt them instead I would bottle up my

It is always hard to admit that you are unhappy with your body or feel unattractive to the world, but this is how I felt in the sixth grade. These changes did not impact my learning, but it did influence me socially. I felt inferior to my peers because of how I looked and was intimidated to talk to boys or even the “pretty girls” in class, which have always been my friends. Therefore, this is a reason you start to see classification of peer groups in schools because kids themselves start to label themselves and set boundaries as to what they feel they can live up to. This was the case for me, since I felt uncomfortable in my body and unattractive, I took pride in my academics through middle school and high school. I also tried to get involved extracurricular activities that did not have the popular

I wanted to turn around and say something but I just kept my cool and said to myself, “This is only a test Cynthia don’t let them get to you.” Once I finished talking to myself I was relieved and ready to go into the movies. While walking into the movies, I received more looks and heard more whispers coming out of people which really didn’t make sense. All they had to do was just except me for who I was and that I was wearing clothes. After I got tired of the looks and whispers I changed my clothes and walked back in movie theatre. Once again my boyfriend looked at me strangely and said, “ Why did you change”? When I finally broke it down to him that I was doing a project for psychology he started to laugh. His response towards me was, he was going to love me no matter how I come out the house. I thought that was cute, that let me know that he doesn’t care what people think and that he was always going to be with me no matter how I look. When I broke the norm of how I look, I felt really insecure about myself and I really did care of what people were going to say about me. But I did learn this people are very judgmental on a person that they have no clue about.

Too many of us are too hard on ourselves and do not give ourselves enough credit. I still struggle with that from time to time. Let me tell you something, you can never be truly happy until you love yourself. Another cliche, but I can seriously attest to this. The majority of my teenage years I spent hating myself and I missed out on so many things. It may be normal to have some phases of low self esteem as a teenager, but my self loathing went past the point of normalcy. The logistics are long enough to be a story of their own, but long story short, I wasted so much time thinking I was ugly, that I was not getting the most out of life and my life essentially flashed by. Luckily, at some point as I got older, It occurred to me that I should stop wasting my time and energy on insecurities that were nonexistent and focus on the more important things. Slowly but surely, I began to love myself unconditionally. Some days I may be in more of a funk than others, but I continue to accept myself even though my hair may not be cooperating or about another miniscule issue. I just say “Eh, whatever, this is how I look today. If people do not like it, I do not need them in my life anyway”. Not only should you love yourself on the outside, you should love who you are on the inside as well. You must fully accept your personality, your morals, and any other belief that shapes who you are. For example, I am typically a more quiet person and I used to hate that about myself. But I only hated it because louder people considered it to be an oddity or something to be ashamed of. Once I stopped caring what other people thought about it, I just accepted that it is simply a part of who I am and I should not have to change to fit another person’s ideals. Then I thought to myself, while I may be a quieter person, that is not the only thing I am. For starters, I am not quiet all day long, contrary to popular belief. When I am around

Every story has a beginning … This is the beginning of a little girl who would not accept herself because she did not look like every other little girl, that girl was me. Growing up I was always the big girl, the girl that was heavier and just bigger than every other girl. Knowing that I did not look like every other girl in my classroom growing up, it hurt. Knowing boys liked them and not me hurt even more. Looking back at it now what hurts me the most was what I did in order to be “liked”. Confusing love with lust was what made me feel beautiful. Being a 14 year old girl being told she’s beautiful, sexy, and simply perfect for the first time is actually dangerous. When you are told those things and yourself does not believe them, you start to need those compliments, they help you get by. But receiving those compliments comes with a price. There is no sugarcoating this, when I was younger and clueless the one way I felt pretty was by getting compliments. The ones giving the compliments

Maya Angelou, poet, and memoirist once said, " I'm a phenomenally. Phenomenal woman. That's me." In today's society, the media is flooded with images of strong and powerful women, such as Beyonce, Zendaya, Kehlani, Rihanna, and Cardi B. Powerful females aren't only prevailing in real life, they fill pages, or screens as popular characters, on movies , television shows, or books , and etc. In Dolores Claiborne, King uses the characters to create a theme of female empowerment.

I despised myself for being different. All I ever wanted was to fit in, but I couldn't even do that... Because in my mind it would taunt me constantly, just saying I'm worthless and everyone thinks I'm weird or ugly, a show-off... It just seemed to never end. All this feeling caused was poison to relationships with friends and family, low self-esteem, isolation, shyness, and mumbling and simply not enjoying life as a kid. Even though after years of going through therapy and fighting with my parents a lot and having to grow up too soon. It felt as if I were being trapped in a bird cage while the outside's beauty just mocked you, while you're just cooped up in misery and desperately wanting to fly away. Majority time I always had this current state of mind thinking of just wanting to fade away from this world and not looking back and wondering if people would even notice when I'm gone.Rather than allowing this awful depression to spiral my life out of control, I decided that I was not going to let it get in the way of my goals for the future. The decision I made 4 years ago to start appreciating life still remains today and my outlook has changed on the whole situation

I’m not quite sure when it all began, I guess you could say Junior High. The worst years of your life, It’s when all your friends began to grow womanly assets, while your stuck with a nose your baby face has yet to grow into. My body and my confidence for the longest depended on boys views of me. If boys didn’t like me then why would I consider myself beautiful. My lack of self-esteem is one of my biggest insecurities, what boy wanted to be with a girl who could barely look at herself in the mirror without finding something wrong with herself. It’s still hard till this day. I’ve been thru it all, rape, self-harm, and depression, but one thing that has kept me grounded has pulled me from the edge is my faith. It’s the only

Instead, I worried about what people thought of me. I developed a strange habit; I started pulling out my hair. I told my therapist about this, and she told me that I have trichotillomania. Trichotillomania is a disorder where someone pulls out their hair when they get anxious. I pulled when I was stressed, anxious, sad, and I used it to cope. Bald spots formed quickly, and I tried as hard as I could to stop. I just could not. I always had something to worry about, whether it be a test, or if a guy liked me or not. I was so focused on how I appeared to others, and if I was beautiful or not. One day in high school while I was in the school bathroom I noticed something; every girl was looking in the mirror and complaining about what they saw .Although nothing was wrong in the first place. We were all so focused on what we looked like instead of caring about our minds. We did not care how we treated one another, but how we appeared. I realized that is not what matters. Ever since we were two years old we were taught to be beautiful, and to be princesses, but not much else. Many of my mental disorders stemmed from trying to be what society wanted me to be, and I realized I was not alone. All the girls in this bathroom looking into dirty bathroom mirrors had experienced the same things I had. They had been hurt by boys, and they had all felt ugly before. We were all girls; who had all been told the same things. That we were not beautiful. That we should just be quiet. Every one of us were unhappy in some way; every one of us thought we weren’t good enough. After looking at our flaws for a few seconds, we all go back to the halls that convinced us we had flaws in the first

While out in public people constantly look at me and whisper about my size at times. I am only four foot two inches which is close to average for women with achondroplasia but as a child I was even tinier. Most children did not see a difference between me and any other child until I was in fourth grade. I was constantly bullied due to my height and abnormal head. I was unable to overcome the bullying causing my parents to pull me out of public school and enroll me in online classes by fifth grade. I fell into depression and missed the small group of friends I had developed. My mother would give me daily pep talks which helped boost my confidence as well as made sure I was treated as an equal and never make it known that I was different. My sister also helped me overcome depression by spending a lot of time with me and assisting me when doing chores and other daily activities; I never let her do anything for me though. I only let her help because I felt that I could still live like a normal sized person despite being small and wanted to show everyone I was capable of doing tasks big or small on my own. I have been able to establish a close knit group of friends that have been there for me for many years already. I am currently in high school, attending a public school, where I am accepted by many other teens and enjoy all my classes and being in a social

When I was 16 years old, I was going through some tough times I got kicked out of my boarding schools and started falling into deep depression.I was always focusing on other people’s imperfections, but I never really looked at mine.I struggled with having a true

When I turned thirteen, I thought that I was above and beyond everyone else, that I was 'grown.' Although barely standing at 5'1", with thickly framed glasses and braces to boot, I received attention from older guys and I was both obnoxious and oblivious to the reality of life, choosing to hide behind dumb decisions. As the school year wore on, I was sexually harassed and called degrading names. Through

I didn't look like the other high school girls and I didn't speak like them. I was convinced, everything the other girls had I needed and wanted in my life. My first year in high school I would sneak and wear makeup; just to look like the other girls. When I wore makeup it still didn't make me feel beautiful. The more makeup I put on the more anger I felt towards my best friend and me. Then came my sophomore year of high school. I gained weight and felt worst about myself. Not only did I not feel beautiful, now I'm fat. I tried out for my school JV volleyball team and I didn't make the team. I was a failure. Due to my lack of beauty and confidence, I was ready to give up on my dream. I was done with everything. My mother wouldn't allow me to beat myself up nor give up. She told me to "believe in myself" and "tell myself I'm beautiful every day" "you only fail when you don't try" She signed me up for volleyball clinics and eventually I went on to join a club team. I started to feel better, but I still had

In elementary school I’ve gone through a lot personal insecurities . I was never happy with the way I felt about myself and it was very hard on me cause I got bullied for the way I looked. In the third grade was when I became one of the tallest girls in my school. I got called names all the time Bigfoot,daddy long legs,giant,etc. I also wasn’t the ‘prettiest’ or the ‘thinnest’ girl in school so I had a lot more to worry about than just my height and once middle school started girls became very “fashion forward” and started wearing makeup and that’s where I guess you can say my talent comes into play. I started to wear makeup, but it was just the simple eyeliner and mascara. However, the more I would apply my makeup the more I started to love

From that moment on I swore to myself that no one would ever discover who attracted me, for if the bullies were this bad when there were only rumors, imagine the chaos if people discovered the they were true. As I aged I continued to keep these feelings hidden away; convinced my friends that there were boys that caught my eyes and when questioned why I never tried to get a boyfriend replied that I believed that I was too