Personal Narrative: My Experience With Major Depression

Depression hits its victims in different ways. Some deal with it better than others. Some ignore it. Some take care of it as soon as they realize there is a problem. Some don't take care of it until it’s too late. Some know there's a problem, but they don't know how to tell someone. Some try to tell someone there's a problem but they don't listen.

I wake up to see the morning light i’m now recovering from depression I get up even with my normal mental state i’m not fully recovered i’m trying though. I head downstairs to see my mom “Morning Lizzie how was your sleep.” she tries to make me smile make me think she really cares. “Fine I…...I guess” I eat my breakfast ignoring everything else I then head off to school for another ignorant day of taunting by my peers. I have no friends I……..I have no life. I get to school and head to class I have ELA first hour so I began to write “Help I need help due to my mentality it is all so real I feel like i’m going to hurt myself one

1. No matter how hard we try to prepare ourselves for challenging experiences and try to stay positive, it becomes harder to do than planned when the time comes. It was the end of the last semester and I was on the verge of emotional depression that totally overwhelmed me. During the exam period, I wasted my weekends on the Internet, chatting and Facebook-ing. I needed to submit an important paper on Tuesday morning. On Sunday night, after wasting so much time of mine and having a little red eyes because of so much exposure to electronic screens, I sat down to write my paper. Only then did I realize that the paper was due the next morning, not on Tuesday. I was extremely nervous because it was too little a time to finish it. Moreover, I was so angry with myself that I wanted to cry. It was a realization that I was off course in my study habits and that I had not overcome my habit of willingly putting myself in difficult positions. The more I thought about being in that mess, the angrier I got with myself. I got even angrier thinking about how it was not the first time in my life that I put myself in such a situation. I could not concentrate on my paper because of that emotional response. Then suddenly I thought that I just needed to talk to someone and calm down. I called my classmate and just told her about everything. She said that the instructor had actually extended the deadline until Thursday. It was such a relief. I thanked her profusely and decided

It’s a struggle to get out of bed sometimes, I often just sit there struggling to comprehend the sequence of events which have taken place over the past year. I mean, I’m used to this now, its normal to me, but the fact that this has happened and that I am now ‘disabled’ as people would put it is hard to get my head around. And every time I look down I’m reminded of the pain and the struggle I faced, it’s a physical scar which links me to my grueling past, a physical and emotional journey.

An accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that played a key role in shaping who I am today was we when I no longer treatment for my mental illness – Major Depressive Disorder.

Approximately 121 million people around the world suffer from all types of depression. Depression is one of the many types of villains that we all have to face in life and have to live with. Having depression is something hard to describe. Basically, mornings are a struggle to get up, smiling is not an option, laughing seems impossible, positive thinking is forbidden, relationships are lost hopes, freedom is gone, love is dead. It is like drowning in the ocean, going only deeper and deeper. You can see the light shining on the surface of the waters, but you are being pulled down deeper into an abyss, drowning. That is what depression feels like.

I’ve always been passionate about understanding others; stepping into their shoes and seeing, thinking, and appreciating the lives they live. I think it is important to take that extra step and see things from a different point of view. It is the only way to achieve a true understanding. I believe in this philosophy so much so, that it’s one of the main reasons I have this blog; to give others a glimpse of a life with mental illness. I’ve been in treatment for 2 months and 26 days and I think it’s time for another peek into my brain.

When I heard that these disorders could also affected me resulting from major depressive disorder, I was still in denial mode. Then I came to realize that having MDD was only affecting me, but also affecting my family and my friends. I became a bother to them and also came to realization that I needed help. So I asked my parents to help me seek treatments to where I can get back to my normal self. My normal self was a person that was cheerful, always making jokes, happy, and just lived life to the fullest. I miss my normal self. The treatments that I had were very affective. The disorder that I was treated for is psychotherapy, where I talked about what is making me think negative thoughts and it allow discussing how I can improve on thinking

I first realized something wasn’t quite right with me in 1996, I was stationed at Ft. Campbell, Ky. I remember wakig up and having terrible dreams, that I had never had before, but I pushed it out of my head. The dreams would continue to come and agitate me and make me very uncomfortable. One morning I finally woke up and felt I needed to get to the bottom of theses dreams, I called my older sister up who was living in Knoxville Tn. And asked her, “did these things happen to me”, her reply was, “Yes”. After that phone call I tried to commit suicide, which landed me in the hospital and on medication for depression, which was the first time I was medicated and labeled as being depressed. It would be years before the question came up again,

I had such a great day at clinical yesterday. I was finally able to see a vaginal delivery and that entire process. When I arrived in the morning, the mom had just received Cytotec, to help induce labor and ripen her cervix. She was forty-one weeks and zero. Around ten thirty in the morning, she asked for her epidural to manage her pain. We bolused her with fifteen hundred milliliters of lactated ringers to prevent hypotension. Shane was the certified registered nurse anesthesiologist (CRNA) who administered the epidural. It was very cool watching him administer all the needed pain relief medication before he administered the epidural to make sure that it would be placed in the epidural space in the spine. Then administered a small test dose, waited till a few blood pressures were taken, then administered the remaining about through an epidural pump. After the epidural was administered, I was able to administer her foley catheter. I was so happy that I was finally able to place one. I learned a few tricks from Maura (my nurse) as well. She taught me that it was easier to take the top off of the lubricant syringe and to place the tip of the foley inside of the syringe, that way it will not wiggle around and become unsterile. She also taught me to grab from the bottom of the labia and pull up, that way it ensures that I will have a clear entrance to

My dad shot blame at me like bullets at a target. The first time I was the victim of these shots was the day he got the news from my high school that I needed to be taken to the hospital. They found out that I attempted suicide. His anger is all he could remember that day. He accused me of only doing this because I hated my culture and I never wanted to be Mexican.

Living with Bipolar disorder and depression is like a bad Katy Perry song, "Hot N' Cold". I have had this internal conflict as long as i can remember, it slowly made its way to external. I have learned a lot over the years from it. One is you can not fix everything with a little pill. People are who they are not what you want to be.

Today was the second day of my 6-week placement at Ward 3A-Logan Hospital, I have originally been paired with a demand casual pool RN, however, the said RN is not confident enough to handle me as her student nurse at the time. After the scrum at 7am, and the handover on the 4-bed bay + sides, I politely ask her if I could take one patient as it was one of the instructions of my CF during the orientation on day 1, but I was answered with “I’m not really familiar with the area and I’m from the demand casual pool...” Having sighted my CF at the corridors, I excused myself from the RN and discussed the matter to my CF, and she allowed me to be buddied with a very good EN, informing me that “she is an EN” before letting me to the bay and introducing me to my new buddy EN.

I have a history with existential depression, and severe anxiety. I've had it for two thirds of my life, and I don't believe it's going away anytime soon. I don't think my anxiety is a problem, as a matter of fact I prefer the terms rightful paranoia. There are a lot of ways the world can go wrong, for example nuclear war. I don't think anyone would call a person mentally ill at the height of the cold war for building a shelter, or having a plan. The threat isn't gone, we still have nuclear weapons aimed at Russia, and Russia at us. Such weapons would destroy all, but the most resilient of life. Most people don't know nuclear warfare strategies, protocols, targets, and the extent of their destructive power, and speed of use. I do, I'm not ignorant,

During my clinical experience today, it was filled with knowledge and a bit of sadness. This morning I got paired with Nurse Rachel, she was ready to go about her day and so was I, when we do rounds with the previous nurse we both notices a patient crying and very upset to the room across from us. As we enter the room to see what was going on she told us to go away. The nurse that was there that night told us she was very demanding and cried for everything. Rachel told me after she gets the report from the previous nurse, we would go in that room first. As we enter the room once again Rachel introduced herself and as did I, the patient say she was in extreme pain and no one had given her medication. As the day when I researched her history