Personal Narrative: My Love For Adoption

I’m BACK! I was in school studying phlebotomy for the last month and a half so now I’m studying for the state test and hoping to keep up with my blog again! Sorry about that, I hope you missed me like I missed you.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I just had got off the bus and I looked at my phone I saw I had 20 text and 8 missed call. I was wondering why I had so many text and calls before I could even look at them.

I remember as a teenager thinking I never belonged to this family, and that I did not fit in, and I never would. I admit, not looking like everyone else in the family was difficult. It was not just the color of the hair. Going through life, not truly being attached with your real parent. For people who are raised by their real parents, this is not a big deal. They grow up knowing whose freckles they have, where they got that chin, why they are talented in different areas. For me, living without that knowing, was a huge deal. Maybe it doesn't sound important to you, but when you do not know the answers to those simple questions, it really bothers you. Those of us from open adoptions deal with knowing a very little if anything about our parents.

It was five years into our marriage when my husband and I decided to adopt. We were told that I was infertile. We adopted a 3-year-old boy called Ryan. He was very kind and affectionate. He would often hug me and say 'I love you mommy'. We were happy; our little family was complete. I then became pregnant.

I was an only child for six years. I basked in the glory of my parents’ attention. One day my mother interrupted my enthralling game of Polly Pocket’s to inform me that we were going to adopt a baby. I had no idea what that meant, but boasted about it on the playground anyway. For a while after this news, our lives were pretty uneventful; a baby didn’t suddenly appear in our house, and I wasn’t a big sister. This changed suddenly, my mother received a call from an adoption agency that informed her of a soon-to-be mother who thought we were the perfect fit. My parents were elated, yet frantic; they had received the news nine days before the child’s due date and hadn’t begun the required paperwork yet. This late notice was followed by even later nights. I

Hey Nandi, just letting you know that you're a really amazing person. Honestly you're a unique person there is no other person I could meet on the planet that could out weight your personality. I've decided that since the day I was born, BAM, mother-child bond. You've always been a strong woman you've done everything from working two jobs, to go our every school events, and handling our family problems. You're extremely happy even in bad situations and your not afraid to show us discipline that has an impact. You're a woman of few words but when you do open your mouth something extraordinary comes out. You fight for us, love us, your kind to all people, help raise strong people by putting reality in front of us since we were little. The most valuable lesson you've taught me so far is, life's going to be extremely difficult at times but you have to be strong, because you are strong, you can fight, and if you go down swinging better make worth your while. Couldn't ask for a better woman in my life.

This past December I volunteered through United Way for Adopt-A-Family. My job was to wrap the gifts for the families that wanted it. Many families did want the gifts wrapped, in my time wrapping I realized how many families that are in of assistance. Some did not ask for much, but others did ask for more. For Adopt-A-Family, the families request what they need for to provide an amazing Christmas morning. This day really opened my eyes to a number of families that there are out there who are in need of assistance in ensuring that each child gets the Christmas that they deserve. Having this eye-opening experience makes me want to reach out to all of the families that I possibly can that may not have gotten assistance whether they did not ask

Why don't I fit in with my family? That's the question I’ve been asking myself since I was eight years old. That question came up when my parents had my baby brother, his name is Elijah. Through my years I was picked on for having a white mom and dad. I never listened to them until I was 11 and a kid name Lilly asked me,

My parents would describe infant me as adventurous,happy,full of energy. When I was younger I had a habit of crawling out of the crib and opening doors and my have tried to invite the mail man in a few times. When I was just learning to walk I would always open the front door when the mailman came or when my grandma thought I had ran away because I had opened multiple doors in the house and later found me playing in the backyard and later would by door knob locks to keep me from opening the doors, I believe I may have been 3 or 4 years old at the time. My favorite stuffed animal was this light brown monkey with a darker face, brown marble eyes that my mom had gotten me when she took me to the Toledo zoo when I was 4 years old I used to take

It’s August 13, 1975. Mom left the house 2 days ago, and she came back today with a new baby. He doesn’t look like a newborn, he has none of my parents features, and well he looks kind of weird. But, I guess I have really never seen a newborn and I mean the kids at school call me weird so maybe we are exactly the same. I can tell from the start that we are going to be great friends, but I just can’t help it when he cries I get so annoyed. It’s like he is doing it on purpose. Mom and Dad left the house a few minutes after they got home and I didn’t see them for another 5 days. All I heard from them was, “ There is food in the fridge. Should be enough to last you a few days. Take care of this one. Lord knows we don’t need any more trouble than we are already in.” How could they just leave me here with this annoying little brat? lts evident that Mom and Dad don’t care about me or my little brother.

As I was uploading my new youtube video, my boyfriend Daniel walked in and asked, “Hey babe...umm..can I ask you something?”. I looked up from my laptop worriedly. “Sure… what’s up?” I asked. He looked at me like he didn’t know what to say. “Can we umm… adopt…?” he finally asked. I was in complete shock and I couldn’t even breathe. “Ummm.. I think we should because we have been together for 2 years and I think we are ready.” I said excitedly.

I am a completely different person now than I was back when I was 4 years old. I will do my best to make this long story short.

Two years have passed since I saw that note on his pillow. Two years of misery, two years of non-stop searching, two years of unanswered questions. Sometimes I think I see him; Sitting next to an older lady on the subway, Sitting in the corner in the coffee shop, or even leaning on one of the lampposts in 5th street. But it never fails, I move to see if it’s him, hoping it’s my husband.. but it’s not. It never is, no one is in that seat, no one is leaning on the lamppost. My husband is a ghost.

"Are you sure you don't want to come babe? There are going to be games and food and everyone's going to be there. It will be fun." "Mom, I'm fine. I'll stay and finish cleaning. Go. Go have fun with your friends." I say pushing her out the front door. "Okay well, call me if you need anything. I don't think I'm going to stay that long. When I get back we can have that movie night I promised." "Have fun at the barbecue. Bye mom. I love you." Before getting into her old gray pick-up truck, she waves to me and blows me a kiss.

It was a nice winters day. Well, as nice as it can be in the middle of winter in Duluth, Minnesota. It was almost Christmas and the whole city was abuzz. Tinsel and lights were strung on every building, house, storefront, and lamppost. Christmas songs were playing almost everywhere you went. And the scent of fresh baked cookies filled the air. Christmas is my favorite holiday. I just like everything about it. Except one thing, I never get any gifts. Apparently this big guy with a white beard and a red suit comes to your house named Santa and puts presents under your tree or in your stockings. I’ve never heard of him but everyone at school always talks about him.