Personal Narrative: Passing Out

And then she turned to me. I felt special that she had saved me for last. I smiled at her, and she did the same to me. We had grown inseparable over the past few years especially, but now it was time to say goodbye. I knew at that point that nothing at all would change, that we would still be sisters, still be best friends, still be inseparable. Who cares if we’re 5 ½ hours away? This was us.

We drew apart, and I slowly climbed into my gray Maxima. She did not cry, but who knows what happened when I turned the corner. I don 't think I want to know.

Reaching across the center console of my car, I imagined the commute that I had into school. My 1992 Jeep Cherokee courageously braved the snowstorm of the year, with only one functional windshield wiper and a forlorn four wheel drive system. As I turned onto the Merritt Parkway, a Honda Civic swerved past me and proceeded to weave in and out of the afternoon traffic. Fast-forward sixty seconds and that Honda was now engulfed by the powder white trees which bound the highway. Instinctively, I pulled up behind the crash site, dialing 911 as I ran over to the mangled wreck. I peered into the car, my pupils the size of marbles, and the driver seemed uninjured; regardless, I proceeded to reassure the driver that Emergency Medical Technician’s/Paramedic’s

After sitting in the small waiting room for 30 minutes a middle aged woman opens the door to guide me to an even smaller room. She hands me a gown and told me the doctor will see me in a few minutes. The exam room in was a simple white room with a exam table in the facing toward the door. Out of shear boredom I begin to look around, and I open a drawer and see the usual medical tool along with two boxes of size small gloves . Before I can play around with any of the stuff I hear tap of shoes infront of the door. I close the drawers just in time to look over and see one of the most attractive woman I have ever seen. She was in her mid thirties, hair shoulder length

I knew from that point on everything was going to be okay and she was a fighter. After a few weeks of chemo she was able to go back home and take care of herself again. I didn’t want to bother her or make her tired so I tried not to ask as many questions or talk as much. On our last real morning together she woke me up and asked me, is it coffee for one or two? I smiled and said make it two I had a rough night. She laughed at me and said one it is and milk and honey for the youngest nurse I’ve ever had.as we always did we had our morning talk, but this talk was different. She told me, if anyone ever asks about me tell them my name was Ruth Mae Marks I was born a Simmons and I was a fighter. I raised all of my girls to be fighters just like me. I looked at her with a confused face as she smiled at me and said, my life was spent work all day until you came along and I had a reason to retire. She told me every morning I gave her something to live for just because she knew I would always be there waiting for her. I started to cry because I knew this was her good bye, she told me tears were made of salt and salt was made for cooking not running down your face. This was the morning I learned how to make red velvet cake and the last morning I got to talk with my grandmother. As much as I miss her I’m glad she’s at peace. Every day I spend my mornings talking to her in hopes that she hears me and I’m making her proud of me. She made me a fighter and a strong believer that I can overcome

Once they got Emmi in the ambulance, I walked out and saw Eric, Ryan and Julian sharing their thoughts on the accident. I made her a ‘Get Well Soon’ card and we all decided we would go visit her once she was okay. We thought she would be okay.

The next few moments were a blur for me. I remember little until the Paramedics arrive. During my forgotten moments, Dad said he experienced an out of body moment. He told his story several times in the following days. As he crumbled, he felt a raw flame of pain sapping his chest.

I was mad, I was sad, but most of all I was lost. Lost for the future. What would come when she was gone, how could I possibly live without the most

When I woke up I had no idea where I was. I was dazed and really confused. The nurse came in and said, “Jaclyn you're in the Toledo Flower Hospital and you passed out.” My parents were sitting there with worried faces. I just wanted to know what was going on. She was giving me a medicine through my IV, looking as if she was frantic and dripping with sweat. As soon as I got my medicine a stretcher burst through the door. There was a bloody unconscious man lying on it. My nurse immediately ran to them and she was rushing around and looked like she was on an adrenaline rush. She was yelling for a Doctor, but there wasn't one around. She had to make the decision to intubate the patient without the doctor and that was a risky decision.

She was depressed and you could tell. She felt like no one loved her in the world, and if they did love her it was fake love. She didn’t want to be a part of this life and that when I knew I had to do something.

I was sitting backstage of the Pasadena City College auditorium waiting for my name to be called. I had been practicing my speech in the mirror for days and made sure to give it to several friends and adults to check for any mistakes. Although nothing could completely prepare me to talk in front of the 1750 teenagers attending the Adelante Young Men's Conference. The fear of stuttering or mispronouncing a word kept me from focusing on perhaps the most meaningful moment of my life. As I thought about a show I had watched a couple days before called “Crashing” starring Pete Holmes a failing comedian who is always being booed off stage by unimpressed crowds, I could feel myself digging a bigger and bigger psychological hole. So I did the most logical thing I could imagine and thought “Why am I here in the first place?”

Tossing and turning, I tried to move my body but felt very numb. I felt so confused, it was like I was emerging from the deep water. Finally, catching the nurse's’ attention from over the corner, they ran up to me and started examining me except one ran to yell for someone. I started to feel uncomfortable and wanted to yell but the doctor had already arrived.

After waking up from my blackout, I felt extremely paranoid. My friend caitlyn knew that she couldn't take me home to either of my parents homes so she decided to take me to my grandparents’ house. During that night, I was sweating too much and I felt cold. I don’t remember much about the party I attended or what occurred right before I blacked out. People tell me that I fainted and how they were scared. Thankfully, I had my friend help me before anything bad occurred

I heard the door open and close, I assumed they both left, leaving me alone in my thoughts. They were my nurse and doctor… I wasn 't having sleep paralysis, I was in a coma. So many thoughts flooded into my mind. Where was my mom? Was she alive? Did she know where I was? Did she know that I was in coma? Then I remembered something I saw on Twitter the night before called The Butterfly Effect. The Butterfly Effect is the scientific theory that a single occurrence, no matter how small, can change the course of the universe forever. I thought about my mom and I arguing about me wearing my seatbelt, she saved my life. If I never would have made the small decision to put on my seatbelt, I most likely would 've died. The more I pondered, the drowsier I got, until after what felt like an eternity, I fell asleep.

I never thought that would be, my last vision of you... and it still haunts me. Years have come and gone, yet it seems like only yesterday, that you drove away. I replay those last moments in my mind, over and over, looking for some sign of what was about to happen; but there were none. No epiphany, no moment of great understanding, nor clarity, no clue or insight as to why... Who could have known that you would vanish, disappear without trace for all those years. Now a chill wind blows outside my door; so many nights of walking the floor, wondering where you