Personal Narrative: Teenage Adoption

I layed in bed, wide awake. I just can't stop thinking about why my parents made this huge decision without me.

It was April 23, 2009, and my sister had just come home from Taiwan, with my mom that day. My parents paid extensive attention to her, so neither my brother, nor I got any attention from my parents. This also meant that we couldn’t spend much time with her, either. However, before she was adopted, we shared the attention of our parents.

I found out I was adopted when I was 5 years old. At the time, I didn’t really have a good understanding of what that meant, but now I know. Being brought into this family is one of the best things that has ever happened to me because it has given me so many opportunities and a GLIMPSE of many different cultures. Being adopted and being exposed to different cultures has given me a unique identity.

My most enduring passion is the care of foster children. This interest sprouted several years ago when my aunt and uncle first became foster parents. Since then, as I have loved and tended to the children in their care, it has grown into a full-fledged desire to base my career on ameliorating these children’s lives. I aspire to pursue a career in law so that I may one day fight for their prosperity and facilitate their adoptions into loving homes. Studying Political Science would allow me to achieve these goals by preparing me for law school. Along with the ability to lead me towards my desired career path, this major encompasses a plethora of captivating subjects: government, problem solving, critical thinking, writing, philosophy and ethics,

After a moment or so, Makoto took a deep breath, and I was ready for him to tell me to deal with it on my own. I was already considering giving it up for adoption, because I knew for a fact that I couldn’t take care of it if it was on my own. It was an honest mistake, but there was no way in hell I could help work with that mistake.

I am happy to hear that everything is going well for you up in Carthage. You’ll soon be going off to Alaska and having the time of your life but make sure you stay safe, okay? When your finished with your Alaska trip I want you to come visit me so we can discuss me adopting you as my grandson. I know you're hoping that I’m “not be too depressed by our parting” (56) but it is hard not to be when you made such a big impact on my life. You made me feel like I had family again and I really do hope that you consider letting me adopt you. It would mean so much to me if you let me.

Lesbian, Gay, and Heterosexual Couples in Open Adoption Arrangements: A Qualitative Study comes from the Journal of Marriage and Family, published April 1, 2001. The authors Abbie Goldberg, Lori Kinkler, and Hannah Richardson all have a background that makes them qualified to be a creditable source. Goldberg has masters’ degree in psychology and a PhD in clinical psychology. She is a professor of clinical psychology at Clark University and also teaches courses on gender and families – diversity in contemporary families. Goldberg is interested in many social issues including, social class and the contexts that effect development and mental health – major interest in adoption, gay/lesbian parenting, and family diversity. Her research focuses

It was a nice winters day. Well, as nice as it can be in the middle of winter in Duluth, Minnesota. It was almost Christmas and the whole city was abuzz. Tinsel and lights were strung on every building, house, storefront, and lamppost. Christmas songs were playing almost everywhere you went. And the scent of fresh baked cookies filled the air. Christmas is my favorite holiday. I just like everything about it. Except one thing, I never get any gifts. Apparently this big guy with a white beard and a red suit comes to your house named Santa and puts presents under your tree or in your stockings. I’ve never heard of him but everyone at school always talks about him.

Those who have gone through the adoption process often refer to it as a roller coaster ride. There are moments when you feel you have been climbing forever – working towards a desired result that seems to never arrive. Then suddenly you are hanging on for dear life as you are whipped through major stretches at break neck speed, twisting and turning. You may lose sight of the ground and find yourself reacting instead of relying on your careful plans and preparations. What’s the trick to a successful adoption? You might say that it’s learning how to enjoy the ride for what it is...something you probably can’t predict, but that leads you right where you wanted to go. Struggling to stay grounded during your own roller coaster adoption ride?

While different from most people’s expectations, adoption can be a wonderful alternative to natural child birth. For people that can have their own biological children and for those that can not, adoption can be the solution to having a fulfilling family. The biological parents placing their children for adoption, the adopting parents, and the children being adopted all benefit greatly from adoption.

I remember the first time that I knew Leila was different from me. Her skin more caramel, features darker than both my mom and dad. My parents were more distant with Leila than they were with me, but I never knew why. They weren’t that affectionate to begin with, but I never remember them hugging, kissing, or saying I love you to Leila. So, one day, I asked Leila why she looked nothing like me.

“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.” This is a quote written by Frank Herbert. This quote stood out to me because it showed me that even though you may have ended a paper, that does not mean it is the ending of the emotions and lessons you learned from the experience. Not all assignments may stand out to you, but I believe that everyone has one experience that impacts them in a large way. My experience that impacted me in a large way was a when I wrote about my adoption that had rocked my world from the day I was born, having people understand something important to me, and it was not based on the grade but the experience of it.

How is being adopted different? Well, I don’t know who my birth parents are. I wonder about that. Not because it makes me sad, but because I just wonder. Well, maybe it makes me a little sad or a lot I really don’t know. It’s kind of like a missing piece of me. My mom told me my birth parents were not married and were very young, and dumb and that is my words so if I ever wanted to track someone down it would be her – my birth mom. Well, I’m not sure if I want to do that or not. She was Mexican. He was Mexican as well. How much does all that matter? I don’t know now. Maybe not all adoptive parents are great. I’ve always been different from everyone else. The way I look, where I’m from, my family, and who I am as a person. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one going through all these things and no one truly understands me.

I am just one of the 135,000 people who have been adopted through an array of organizations and countries. I am a significant percentage in a melting pot of individuals who hold a title for themselves that billions of other people are incapable of having. I am a child, born and raised knowing that I held no blood relation to the family I have grown up with and continually surrounded myself with. But genetically I am the product of a failing mother and a runaway father. Does this title have any influence on my life? Do I already have a plan for my future that I am incapable of changing? With 99% of adopted individuals aware that they are adopted and with 90% of them holding a positive outlook on their circumstance why are there so many problems during the adolescent phase of children who were adopted? (Adoptions) Many studies point towards a few key roles on a child’s life that seem to hold a significant impact on their lives. These key roles are greatly influenced when growing up an adopted child. So the question that I seem to revisit in my head is that if I am a child who grew up knowing they were adopted, am I destined for success or failure?

On October 21, 2015 I and some friends attended an event sponsored jointly by the Humanities and English department. The title of this event; “Adoption Narratives of the Human”. Four women sat on the panel; Maggie Jones, Visiting Assistant Professor, Nonfiction Writing, University of Pittsburgh; Margaret Homans, Professor of English and Women’s, Gender, Sexuality Studies, Yale University; Frayda Cohen, Senior Lecturer, Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies, University of Pittsburgh; SooJin Pate, independent scholar and educator, Minneapolis, MN.