Personal Narrative: The Power Of Anxiety

“Seriously, just get over it” That was the phrase that had been assaulting my ears for the last half an hour. Although it wasn’t odd that someone was telling me that specific phrase, this time it was different. My grandmother, whom I thought had understood my problems, had just proven to me that she actually didn’t. At the age of 12, I was heartbroken.

I used to see the world behind a lens of insecurity. When you are not comfortable in your own skin, it affects every decision you make. What changed me and saved me from this, however, was my activity in drama productions. I got a very small role in a play during my freshman year, and that prompted me to get more involved over the next few years. I got to learn from upperclassmen and got to see how everything fits into place if everyone works hard for the outcome. During my last two years at a different high school, I sought out more backstage work because the department badly needed it. All my experiences in drama productions have been positive, and all have helped me develop a healthier self image that enables me to focus my energy on other people, instead of myself.

When I first came to America, I was bullied because I was different, and judged of every action so I could be mocked by the way I behaved. I used to have no problems asking where the bathroom is, and I didn’t care about my accent or grammar as long as I got the message across. But years growing up in a tiny Southern town, unaware of the existence of the Asian race, molded me into a different person. I was, and still, fearsome of social situations, as little as asking someone in class for a pencil. I could never ask for help because I was afraid what will happen during the process, or after. In my head, I’d imagine instances where my voice could crack while asking, the class could go silent focusing their attention onto me, or worse, finally having the courage to ask, but it turns out the person I asked had rejected my request. This personality of mine is so painful at times, I considered it as a disorder. I was always stuck in between this thick social barrier; I couldn’t approach anyone, always the one waiting to be approached. But, unlike the silent students who are great scholars, I was never a great student myself, and I suffered immensely. When it was time for group projects, I was always the fatboy in PE, having the teacher assign me to a random group. I’ve been trying to overcome this social anxiety by forcing myself to talk to new people,

It was the day of the surgery, I was so nervous that I could have passed out at any moment from my anxiety. I felt sicker then I had in years, I would have thrown up if I had had any food to eat in the past twenty-four hours. When me and my family got to the hospital my anxiety went up another level and I was practically shaking, the smell of all the chemicals they use wasn’t helping my nausea any either. When I was in the room getting ready for surgery I was overwhelmed with what was about to happen so I ended up confiding in my mom that

When I was in my freshman year of high school, I remember my friend, Maddie, have an anxiety attack. She was frantic, couldn’t catch her breath, and dizzy. I didn’t know how to help her. I didn’t know what was wrong. I tried to calm her down the best I could. She eventually calmed down, and went home. A few days, she told me that she had bipolar disorder and one of her symptoms was that she suffered from anxiety. I thought it was a joke, I have some rough days and issues being decisive, that doesn’t mean I’m bipolar or that I have anxiety. I thought she was being overdramatic, as I knew Maddie to be sometimes.

After being hospitalized for meningitis when I was eleven years old, I began to struggle with anxiety and a stutter. Although I did not have these problems before my illness, no one is certain that meningitis was the cause.

If I were a famous YouTube sensation, my most watched video would be called: My Depression and Anxiety Story. When I was a Sophomore in high school, I went through a long period of time where I felt utterly miserable and alone all of the time. I would want to

The Determination That Canceled My Anxiety I collapsed to the floor as my lungs shrunk two sizes and my tears couldn’t even be released due to my inability to breathe, let alone stand. This was my first real panic attack, and my body had succumbed to my mind. Backstage, just minutes before my first play, I began to think about all of the improvisation necessary for my role, and how I had to be in character continually (so as not to ruin the play for everyone else), and I couldn’t handle it. My lines had been erased from my mind, and my vision went blurry from tears and fear. Just then, two people had surrounded me, squatting to get on my level. Dizzy and ready to faint, my two best friends had helped me get a grip of reality again. They reminded

Personally, I have gone through a recovery process with anxiety disorder. Last year, I went through a dark phase because I dealt with the feeling of constant fear with no little explanation 24hrs. Even though everything in my life was perfect, I could not sleep, eat, and be happy. I

Another bottle. Another pill. Another cut. Another scream. Another death. I stumble out my one-night-stand’s apartment grasping on to the nearest railing for support. Sloppily, I buckle my belt and take a swig from my vodka bottle, stinging my throat with every drop. The bottle slips out of my hand crashing at my feet, almost in slow motion. I giggle hysterically and hobble down the steps. My brain is numb and filled with psychotic thoughts. I grab the car door handle and slump into the cushioned seat, nearly passing out, from a night of careless sex and non-stop alcohol can really put a load on a 5’6, skinny guy. Without thinking a grab my keys and start the car pulling out to the abandoned, dimly lit freeway. Everything was better at night.

Even though Hannah loved enjoying amazing weekends, they usually threw her off track when she entered the new work week. This past weekend was yet another one of those epic weekends where she enjoyed spending time with Paul, shopping with friends and visiting a new church.

The Panic I heard cries, but I had no idea they were coming from me. The lights started to flicker, I couldn't breathe. I was holding myself captive and I was being looked at by everyone; it felt like the world was watching. A feeling of disoriented confusion and panic ran through my mind. I was experiencing my first panic attack in the midst of all my closest friends at a house party. I didn't know it at the time, but this was the first of many. This event changed my life forever because it taught me that we all have control of the environments we are in and if you ever feel uncomfortable you can just leave.

Childhood is a fantastic time of crust-less sandwiches, imaginative play dates, and few worries. In preschool, most everyone learns about the alphabet and how to pronounce their letters, as well as nursery rhymes and what colors are. It is a brilliant time of the most simplistic knowledge and creative games. Nobody cared what you wore, what you looked like or who your friends were; happiness was solely dependent on being around intellectual peers. The whimsical conversations about Pokémon, Power Rangers and Lord of the Rings, sustained by my overactive, sugar-filled mind, only fueled my grandiose belief that I could be anything I wanted when I grew up. Harped upon since my earliest moments of coherence, the hardest quandary I ever quarreled with was this ever-forced notion that I could be anything I wanted. And although the mantra has been appealing it simply can’t be true and its falsity is generating a society of emotionally inept individuals.

When I was younger I loved school more than anything, the only thing I was worried about was understanding fractions. I had nothing to worry about except disappointing my parents, my sister was a straight a student her whole life and my parents always held me up to that standard they did not mean to it’s just i knew i was smart and they knew but i couldn’t put in the effort. I did not know what it was called when i was younger but i had anxiety I still have it. Whenever i would talk or think about school i would have some version of an anxiety attack because as I got older it became the most stressful thing in my life. Then during my sophomore year a friend told me about IB they said it would make me a better student. I listened to them and

Facing your fears The wheels of my almost falling apart luggage where obnoxiously squeaking as I paced down the busy and rather lengthy airport hallway. Intimidated by frequent stares and unsettled by the lingering feeling of uncertainty, I tried my best to not attract any more attention than I already was.