Personal Narrative: Waking Up After A Disaver

I fought the thoughts of not being able to breathe and allowing myself to have a panic attack. I have never been very religious, but it got to a point where counting didn’t help and the moment that destroyed my health replayed over and over. It was the few seconds prior to blacking out, to when I looked up at my rearview mirror and saw a truck coming right for me because he fell asleep. These thirty minutes of darkness symbolized the endless emotional and physical pain I had endured and my return to the darkness, which I cannot explain. So I prayed, hoping that even though I couldn’t remember all the verses, it would end the spinning and the torture. These moments of fear were more than claustrophobia; it was also a concoction of sadness. Sadness, that uncovered my weak and fragile human being self to the world because I had still not healed. As these thoughts deepened, the bed of the MRI machine began to move outward and I knew it was over. I hadn’t realized that my body was trembling until they took the thick white sheet off me. It revealed my shaking legs covered in Goosebumps and so, I pulled my fuzzy green socks up and with their help got off the bed. I wondered if that’s what it was like to live through a traumatic event or was it me being dramatic? Either way, I shut the door leaving the loud and terrible noises behind me. As I walked out, I could never see myself laying in that room again, unable to escape the endless

By this point the patient had stopped breathing, I had pressed the emergency buzzer and ran to phone outreach whilst one of the nurses on my ward had started CPR and a nurse from the ward next door had pushed down the crash trolley. During situations like this it is hard to always insure that the patient’s dignity says intake, there is a lot that happens quickly, with urgency and as well as a confined space, as a result an output is often prioritised over making sure that patient in covered for example. However, the patient is constantly being reassure and we were running him through what was happening to try and lessen his panic in an unsettling and terrifying experience.

“Traditional… treatment approaches often conceptualize relapse as an end-state, a negative outcome equivalent to treatment failure. Thus, this perspective considers only a dichotomous treatment outcome—that is, a person is either abstinent or relapsed.” (Larimer, 1999). For a substance dependent individual like Rosa, equating abstinence to failure is counter-productive and ineffective. Considering her history of pain management, we can expect that Rosa may feel emotional and physical discomfort without her opiate and alcohol combination. A setback in treatment would be negative, but doesn’t warrant “giving up” on established treatment goals. Relapse may be anticipated with the relapse prevention model, but it is considered to be a part of “the

“Right this way,” the nurse ahead of me was prompting me to a brightly lit hall that was completely foreign to me. I couldn’t help but be terrified by the sights and sounds around me: people chattering, machines methodically beeping, gurneys rushing past. It was my first time in a hospital and my eyes frantically searched each room looking for any trace of my father. She stopped suddenly and I turned to the bed in front of me but I could not comprehend what I saw. At such a young age, I idolized my father; I had never seen him so vulnerable. Seeing him laying in a hospital bed unconscious, surrounded by wires and tubes was like witnessing Superman encounter kryptonite. My dad’s car accident not only made him a quadriplegic, but also crippled

They (my family and doctors), for the first night, weren’t sure if I would make it or not. I was touch and go, because my oxygen level couldn’t be stabilized. I would be on oxygen and my level would be normal, but as soon as they took me off, my level would fall again. However, they had to stabilize me before they could do any kind of surgery. During this time, I think my dad as well as everyone involved got a taste of what it means that any moment, any day could be anyone’s final moment. My dad stayed every night with me. The first night, my heart quit beating twice. The first time, my dad said, “She’s a fighter, she can get through this.”. Then it happened again and my dad fell on his knees saying, “God, please don’t take her now!”. I ended up practically living in SICU for 3½ weeks, just trying to become stable enough, so I could make it somewhere else. Both my mom and dad had to become durable power of attorneys, so they could decide what my treatments would

In Emergency Medical Technician school, you learn that when a patient is in critical condition they will feel an impending sense of doom before there body goes into complete shock. After this drastic change in behavior I sensed that his condition was about to get much worse. As he began to scream his evergreen eyes found mine. Our eyes were locked, and that’s when I watched them disappear like a sunset into the back of his head. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if it was my eyes that were the last thing he saw on Earth. Then he seized. All I remember thinking was that I had to get out of the

If recovering from drugs and alcohol is a process, then a relapse is an event. However, how a relapse is interpreted can be debated. In abstinence-based programs such as Narcotics Anonymous (NA), the basic text notes that relapse does occur and may be the result of an individual not following the program. If an individual stops following the basic principles of the NA program, old thoughts and behaviors may return which can lead to them to engage in the use of drugs or alcohol. Furthermore, the NA text suggests that these behaviors are “reservations” (p. 79) and because addiction is a disease, relapse can occur. As such, any individual who begins using drugs or alcohol again has relapsed. The basic text of NA describes relapse as a “reality” (p. 78) and states “It can and does happen”. When it does, the individual

Counselor met with Pt. for his monthly session. He and writer continued to discuss his relapse prevention plans and when he is moving to Clearwater, FL. Pt. talked about breaking the cycle of addiction and relapsing. Counselor asked Pt. to describe his plans for breaking free from the obsession and triangle of addiction. Pt. mentioned that he can identify depression and physical health as being one of his roadblocks to having a successful recovery. P.t was encouraged to verbalize how he can break away by using the “3-W’s” (What, Why, and Way). Pt verbally shared his plans and was required to submit a written assignment on the same. Reviewing this information was important because it taught Pt. one of the most important skills that he will need for his recovery: stopping triggers from leading to relapse. Pt. reported that he has visualized the building of a mental wall to help him prevent relapse by giving him a foundation of physical well-being, emotional well-being, relationship stability, spiritual growth, and knowledge of his weakness. Pt. informed this writer that he is driving to Florida on Saturday, March 11, 2017 with his nephew help. He reported that he got a place to stay there but he is unsure of where to go after that. Pt. declined help in searching for housing and stated that he is counting on his brother and he is calling him today.

The third and final stage of recovery is known as late recovery, and involves a client finding growth and meaning in life. In this stage, relapse may be less frequent as a sense of purpose is found. As this stage is found only by enduring great challenges, a client may not be as tempted by relapse and the act of back tracking in their recovery may seem tiresome and unworthy of their time. However, though a deep awareness of the consequences of substance abuse is profound, relapse is still possible if an addict forgets that he or she has a disease that is incurable and succumbs to the enticement of “just this one time can’t hurt” or has the thought that “I have been clean for so long. I am cured.” Bill W. stated in his book Alcoholics Anonymous that “This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it-this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish” (pg. 34). Complete abstinence is the only choice for those with the disease of addiction, and so many recovering addicts forget this simple realization in the late recovery stage.

There are three different styles of recovery initiations according to White and Kurtz (2006). These three styles include quantum (transformational change), conscious incremental change (stage dependent process of change), and drift (gradual reduction of usage). An addict at any point can experience any of these or all three in time. Since addiction can arise from multiple different contextual issues, such as cultural, personal, or familial, recovery experiences can become just as unique (White & Kurtz, 2006). Despite the lack of literature supporting the stages of change model deriving from the conscious incremental change style of recovery (West, 2005), it is still one of the most popular styles studied and used among researchers and clinicians

Breakups are hard, to say the least. It’s a similar idea to being addicted to some sort of drug and going through withdraw. Well, that would be in the most extreme of cases, anyways. Many people deal with breakups in different ways. What is generally expected would be a lot of crying and maybe some anger mixed in. Some people are calm about it, to the point of it showing no effect to them. Usually, I would see myself being the calm person, yet I find myself in my ex’s closet, looking out on an empty room in an attempt to see whatever he could be doing.

DATA: Today’s group has been facilitated by Kirsten again, and includes relapse, what it is, and how each client can prevent it. Being that relapse is a process, it is an ongoing situation that can be interrupted, rather than a static event that is over and cannot be changed. It involves the individual reverting to old attitudes, beliefs, values, and risk behaviors. These are part of a progressive pattern, and will worsen until the process is interrupted or changed. Relapse is not a sign of failure, and, at times, may be part of the recovery process. There are times when individuals are more vulnerable to relapse, specifically, when they are too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (HALT), and need to be aware of this vulnerability, and take

The road to recovery was not an easy road back. I still do the same elementary things today that I had to do to achieve recovery. I realized that honesty and open-mindedness was a must. I had to surrender all—I wanted real success.”

My supervisor, one of the head nurses, hurriedly pulled me to the corner of the bleach white hospital room and directed me to put on gloves, an eye mask, and a face mask. I felt as if I was preparing for war as I put on all of the required gear. The sound of expensive shoes click-clacked down the hallway indicating the arrival of two doctors who rushed into the room and shouted out orders to the staff while pulling the doors to the room shut along with the curtains. Two doctors, eight nurses, an intern, and a dying patient squeezed into the already claustrophobic ten by fifteen-foot room. The machine monitoring the patient’s vital signs continued to beep incessantly as my heart rate accelerated. Throughout my internship, I had never seen a patient in critical condition until that moment. I remembered my teacher’s advice if we were ever in a situation such as this: take a few deep breaths and sit down if you feel like you’re going to pass out. In that

I was supposed to go camping that evening, but little did I know that I was going to be spending the next three days in a hospital fearing for my brother’s life. This is my story about the scariest moment in my life, when my brother was on the edge of dying.