Personal Narrative: Why I Am About Writing

     My weaknesses in writing are what cause my writing process to get stuck in the mud. I have always had the problem of finding exactly what to say. I usually start out the writing process from a blank, no draft, no structure, just straight forward free writing. I start to get worried about what I am writing and then just write things down till the word count button reads the minimum amount of words that the teacher has set forth. I find it very hard to be creative with my writing when I am just worried about how I am going to get it done.

It’s easier to be heard when you don’t actually speak. I have never considered myself a writer. I don’t ever recall a time when I wanted to be a writer, but ever since I could hold a pencil, I’ve been writing things down. They started out as scribbles on construction paper when I wasn’t too busy taste testing my crayons. Then they evolved into repeated letters, backwards, forwards, what have you, dancing up and down across lines three times the necessary width. Once I learned the proper forms I could write these letters in different orders. I could jumble them across the page putting a ‘D’ next to an ‘O’ or a ‘C’ next to an ‘A.’ My notebooks started to look like word search novels. It was then I was taught to make words with meanings that could be used to make sentences with complete thoughts. Suddenly, the random flicks of my wrist started to form words and I had the power to communicate in a whole new way.

Who am I and why did I start writing? Both valid questions that I have recently been asked and both questions I am not entirely sure how to answer. I am a young woman with a passion for words. I am a sister, a daughter, an aunt, and a friend with endless amounts of love and laughter to share. I am emotional, intuitive and caring. I am a believer, a fighter and a lover. I am a lot of things, all of which contradict each other, yet complement each other. As for why I started writing, that's simpler to answer. Ever since I was a little girl I have always loved to read - it was always an escape. Through my parents' treacherous and painful separation, my sister leaving, bullies in school, and all the other horrors, books were always there to provide

Writing to me is one of the hardest subjects because I truly never know what to do. What I mean by this is that, I have trouble putting the thoughts in my head in to words on an essay that will satisfy to how I’m thinking. Which is a difficult feat because I can never be satisfied with it, because I overthink it. When I do get stuff down, I always doubt it sounds good, which where my wanting of confidence in my writing comes in.

Writing is like facing your fears. It scares you more than anything, but once you finally get passed the irrationality of fear everything seems effortless. Writing is just a fear; it’s something that seems so difficult to grasp. The closer it is to you personally, the harder it seems to overcome. Once you finally find that one thought, your whole story is driven and it seems almost impossible to stop.

I have never viewed myself as a confident writer. When I write papers for school, I usually spend more time stressing about the paper as a whole rather than performing the actual writing. If my teacher were to ask me why I write, my reply would most likely be, “Ugh, because I have to.” But lately, I have noticed that I have spent a lot of time writing, the past few years, without the pressure of being graded. I learned that writing helps me somewhat organize my thoughts that seem to be chaotic and all over the place. I write from the deepest part of me, because I feel I have to.

I cannot believe this is week four already. This class has gone by so fast! While I am still in the process of completing my final essay, I believe I am far enough along that I can discuss my writing process. I have writing anxiety and I am sure I am not the only one in here that feels that way. When I wrote the Generating Ideas assignment on my writing process, I compared my writing anxiety to what a person feels prior to a dental procedure or having surgery. I used to cope by avoidance. I would procrastinate until the very last minute. That level of deadline stress combined with the apprehension of writing in general compounded my panic level. This is not a good thing and the results were less than adequate.

I want to be truthful, for me, writing was frustrating before I began college. Many times I had trouble writing about anything. The main reason why I had so much trouble when writing, was because I did not concentrate on my work enough. Even when I tried my hardest to concentrate, my mind seemed to wonder around to different directions towards other thoughts. After my thoughts wondered, I forgot all about my work and just thought about various things such as

On the surface, some might think that writing a paper is a relatively easy task; however, I disagree. I believe writing is a very complex task composed of many intricate parts that work together to create a coherent paper. If any part of a paper is left amiss it can affect the entire work as a whole, making it difficult for the reader to grasp the point of the paper. Personally, I have almost always struggled with writing. Yes, there are areas in writing in which I excel, but my weaknesses significantly outweigh my strengths. It is imperative that I identify these weaknesses and work to extinguish them.

I get frustrated trying to think of ideas. Sometimes, I can not think of any ideas to write about. Some essays give me a topic that i do not understand and it makes me confused. I freak out inside, wondering if I will ever get the work done. Finally, I think of a really good sentence but the second I am going to write it down, I completely forget what I was going to write.

All my life I’ve struggled with writing, creative or research based, it has been the biggest barrier in my high school career. I find it surprising how much I struggle with it since I’ve been writing essays and papers in nearly every class. Most classes that aren’t even English have an assignment which involves writing some sort of paper, even in Spanish.

I always thought growing up that I was not the best writer. Throughout junior high and high school I always thought that I was not the best when it came to writing papers and essays for classes. My issues during writing were always comma errors, writing a thesis statement, and using effective word choice in my paper. One of the first exercises that I worked on in English Lab that was my own personal choice to work on was my comma usage and comma splices. That was one of the main weaknesses I had that is a big deal in writing. I successfully completed both exercises and passed them with flying colors. Once I sat down, and read what each error truly was and how to look out for them in your writing I was successfully able to see

Sometimes when I’m given a topic believe that is the most difficult part about it, because my imagination doesn’t flow when I’m given a random topic that is just boring. When I get to write about anything I feel it is easier, but the fact that it is writing it slows my writing process down and I procrastinate and it takes me awhile to figure things out. Oh, and let me not leave out the most painful part of it all which is the grading and the criticism from my teachers. That is the part where I cringe like a bad child getting a whooping from their parents. The pressure is always on from that point my writing is never good enough for the teachers, but I’ve noticed that I make small mistakes. For example, grammar, repetition, and elaborating. Even though, those are some pains I am willing to improve on them.

I have never written to write. I always write for a teacher, college admissions, a good grade, but it has never been for me. My writing is not bad, I struggle with things like spelling and grammar to this day, but I can form an idea and put it to paper well. After years of learning how to structure an essay I am confident in my ability to do so. I have filled out mind map after mind map and learned 50 different “correct” way to format a piece of writing. I have mastered how to hit all points on a rubric. Focus on the ideas, outline, and flow, because grammar and spelling is only 10% of the grade. Writing is a game for me. It has been about how I outsmart the teacher, how I put in the least amount of effort for the most pay off. Working with this mind set has created a dangerous relationship between me and writing, and ruined the potential I may have to succeed in my writing career.

Have you ever written an essay and completely not know what to do, and where you felt stupid because you thought that everybody else in your class knew what to do? Well, I have had experiences where I felt so crazy whenever I heard my teachers saying that we had to write a story, journal, essay, or whatever kind of writings. My writing experiences started when I was in the Philippines and have continued now that I am here in the United States. I have written different kinds of essays since I started my freshman year of high school here in the US, and I struggled a lot writing them, and I hated it. Also, whenever I thought about writing it gives me stress.