Personal Reflection

On 08/20/2017 at 1002 hours FTO Wheeler #4361 and I responded to St. Luke’s Hospital emergency room entrance, on 3555 Cesar Chavez St., regarding a women in a hospital gown trying to break the caller’s vehicle window with a brick. Officer Wheeler and I were in full police uniform driving a marked patrol unit when we responded.

The surgery. The day of the surgery I had many panic, and anxiety attacks on the way there. I will never forget the feeling I had in the waiting room. When I was getting ready for the surgery I got so sick. I was so nervous. They had to give me something to calm me down. The used to calm me down started wearing off as I was being taken to the operating room...my luck. The surgery was supposed to take 20-30 mins. For me, the surgery took 5-6 hours.

Both surgeries were excruciating; however, I listened to praise music and endured. There were some complications. One of which was I had a bad allergic reaction to a medication given to me by the second anesthetist. Miranda was the one who figured out which medication it was and helped me. Honestly, I have little memory of the two weeks I spent in Maryland and prefer to not dwell on them. My daughter Miranda carried me through the storm. She fought with faith at every turn and refused to let me go. Kevin, my parents, Mary, and Alan were there as well. Love surrounded me. Once, I was home I thought the worst was over. But, I was wrong. Night after night I woke up screaming for help in pain and found it very difficult to eat anything. I could swallow frozen ice drinks, but that was about it. I thought it was from the pain of the incision in the front of my neck and would simply heal with time; however, I was

Terrified was an understatement. “Surgery….surgery…surgery…” was the only word that I heard echoed through the room , and suddenly images of knifes and flesh being cut invaded my ten years old mind. Peritonitis, was what I had, “unfortunately” I thought then, yet “fortunately” I know now. My calling in life was then discovered and for that I will be forever grateful. Petrified and alone, I was yearning for someone to understand my fear and explain what is about to happen to me; to clarify what the doctors said. That 's when a Physician Assistant walked in and changed my life forever. I will always remember Julie 's smile and reassuring voice which filled me with a sense of calm and genuine comfort. She was carrying a doll and highlighted what my surgery was all about. As I lay in bed recovering after surgery, I decided that one day I will be like Julie and I will help people feel secure and safe in the healthcare setting.

This reflection will discuss personal diffidence and how it has influenced my academic studies, including my practice within placement settings. Gibbs reflective cycle (Gibbs, 1998) has been utilised as it illustrates a clear structure for the process of reflection. To conclude this reflection will draw together the themes which have emerged and highlight a clear action for future learning that will be used in order to enhance my future practice.

However, once we arrived at the hospital and the waiting began, anxiety began to creep in again. My parents tried to comfort me with small talk, but I couldn’t focus. I could only think about the surgery, particularly how the surgeon would stab an IV into my hand. I kept envisioning the stabbing pain that would carry from my hand up my arm. The surgeon finally came in and asked if I had any questions and to tell me that the operation would start shortly. “Is there any way I can wear a mask instead of having a needle? I hate needles.” My surgeon, a kind looking older gentleman said gently, “No, you’re too big for that. We can give you laughing gas though if you-” I nodded enthusiastically. “ Alright, laughing gas it

They had to run so much tests and questions before surgery it was so annoying. Later I find myself laying in bed getting everything connected on me so I could go to the surgery room. They said it would take about thirty minutes to finish the process of the surgery. When they came to get me I literally started to scream “wheeeeee” in the hallway while they pulled me away from my room. As I entered the surgery room it became so cold that my breath could be visible. Later a guy started to explain to me on what their going to do and how they're going to put me on the

I will never forget the last surgery on my female organs in November, 2011. It was the most painful surgery

At 54 years of age and having 14 surgeries in my adult life under my belt you would think I would have been calm. All my other surgeries I had faced with healthy trepidation and concern but not fear. However the past year and a half I had been in so much pain that I was very scared that I would come out of surgery in more pain then when I went in.

Just two weeks after birth, I had my first surgery. Being that I was a newborn, recovery was very difficult and prolonged. My health complications

In April of last year, I experienced the worst panic attack of my life; all feeling left my body and I felt as if I was already gone. My mom rushed me to the ER, where I was told to visit a cardiologist. When I went to the cardiologist, one of the nurses performed an echocardiogram on me. She was focused on the screen, not realizing that the jelly on my chest was dry until the device no longer moved smoothly; this is how I knew something was wrong. I later found out that my blood was mixing because one of my heart vessels, which was supposed to close days after birth, was still open. The cardiologist said that I needed to have surgery, and I was

Going into my first surgery, I was extremely hesitant. I was only in the second grade and everything was happening so quickly. You came

I wasn’t worried or scared initially because I saw my sister go through this process. As time got closer, I admit I was nervous. The day of the surgery I had to get up a little too early for my liking. I remember driving to the hospital not knowing what to expect. When we arrived they had to put an IV that had anesthesia in it. That is when it hit me and I realized that I was going to get surgery so I full on passed out. I woke up about 3 minutes later laying down with an ice pack on my head with about 5 nurses in the room. The scene seemed like something you would see in a movie. It was pretty comical. Once the surgery was over and I woke up from anesthesia it caused me to act loopy. I remember asking my mom for my phone and I started to take selfies and sent them to my friends it was a bad decision. I got my surgery done in the middle of the summer because my mom did not want me to miss any school, which made me a little bothered. It took up a lot of my free time in the summer, but I guess it was all right because I had an excuse for everything. I did not have to do the dishes or take my dog for a walk, even tasks that I could do people did it for me. Having sympathy from people was a plus. I stayed in the hospital for five days with my mom sleeping in a twin bed next to me. She was very helpful through this process of pain. I don’t know how she kept it all together. She survived through my screaming and my senseless

As a youth, I recall experiencing a great deal of pain in my lower right abdomen. The pain was so excruciating that any movement, no matter how slight would leave me incapacitated. Sleep was the best remedy and I took advantage of it whenever I could. My mother, a single parent to my brother, sister, and I took care of me the best way that she knew how, until one day my condition worsened. I was so weak that I could barely open my eyes. My mother decided that I needed help and rushed me to the hospital. She was informed that I had appendicitis and that I needed emergency surgery or I would soon die. She gave her consent and I was prepped and rushed into the operating room. I don’t remember much after the surgery, but what I do remember is Dr. Chang, the surgeon that performed the procedure, entering my room only to be nearly tackled to the ground and hugged by my mother who could barely contain her gratitude. She began to cry and thanked him for saving my life. In witnessing that moment, I decided that I wanted to be just like Dr. Chang when I grew up. Though I was very young at the time, my mind was made up, I was going to become a physician!

For some people having surgery is something they will never have think about, but for me it’s always been a part of my life. By my first year in college I had already had seven different surgeries and already new that I would have more throughout my college career. My most memorable surgeries are the ones that I had on my lower back, two in total. One of them was when I was in high school and caused me to miss an entire year of gym class.