The motivation and tendency of people to forgive others remains an important topic of discussion. In today’s society most people at some period have experienced feeling of un forgiveness towards friend, or relatives. “Forgiveness was defined as the ability to relinquish of resentment towards others” (Baskin & Enright, 2004, p. 80).
In general, self-forgiveness is identified by a common ability to exhibit self-respect in spite of the acceptance of wrong-doing (Hall, J., Fincham, D., 2005). I never considered the distinction between interpersonal forgiveness and intrapersonal forgiveness. While they share many similarities, there is even greater evidence of the differences between the two. One significant difference involves the consequences of withholding forgiveness from self. It is likely that intrapersonal unforgiveness can be much more detrimental than interpersonal. Hall & Fincham state “ Self-forgiveness often entails a resolution to change” (2005). It is this process of acceptance of one’s own imperfections and sinful nature that catapults a desire for self-improvement and growth. This is a critical component of healing the soul and beginning the journey to spiritual and mental health. Also enlightening was the declaration that one can experience pseudo self forgiveness by failing to acknowledge any wrong doing and convincing him/herself that they are without fault. Finally, I was struck by the notion that self-forgiveness will typically
Forgiveness have important medicinal effect on health. Researchers and study have shown that people who forgive have less chances of health issues like heart attack and brain tumor. “People who hold tolerance views of human nature and don’t seem to nurse grieveness unduly tend to have blood pressures in the normal range” (Callwood, J. 2007, p. 153). Writer in the above findings tells her readers the medicinal effect of tolerance. She beautifully explains the positive effect of forgiveness in contrast with unforgiveness where her contrasting finding says “Unforgiving people, some studies show, are three times more likely to have heart diseases as people who don’t carry grudges”(Callwood, J. 2007, p.153). Writer here is addressed to people who cannot or do not forgive and tells them how harmful holding grudges are to their health. She beautifully explains the finding by telling first the negative effect of not forgiving in comparison to
Forgiveness is significant to a client because it helps to get relief psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. "Before getting into forgiveness in counseling, there are concepts that are related to it and should be analyzed (McMinn, 1996)". Forgiveness is viewed in three perspectives which include opposition, technique, or an obligation. These perspectives included in counseling are a healthy method for forgiving.
The article "Self-forgiveness: The forgotten stepchild of forgiveness research" is a qualitative rather than a quantitative study of the phenomenon of self-forgiveness. The authors distinguish self-forgiveness versus forgiveness of an 'other' in an outwardly-directed fashion. They state that self-forgiveness has been under-studied in the existing literature. The beginning of the article is devoted to a literature review of existing writings upon the subject, with using a working definition of self forgiveness "as a set of motivational changes whereby one becomes decreasingly motivated to avoid stimuli associated with the offense, decreasingly motivated to retaliate against the self 地nd increasingly motivated to act benevolently toward the self" (Hall & Fincham 2005: 622).
The idea of justice should be based on the idea of forgiveness. A popular attempt at achieve justice is to “forgive and forget”, however this idea is not the best method. To forgive means to recognize that someone has done something wrong and is attempting to fix it, and in turn, you must accept this attempt in order to move forward. Holding grudges is a part of the Human Condition in the sense that we struggle to get over instances of people wronging us, instead of getting over it, we deeply desire revenge. However this is something that we must move past in order to reach true justice.
“One must first uncover one’s anger. In doing so, one can work through such issues as identifying psychological defenses (like denial), confronting the anger, or sometimes acknowledging the experience of shame…Once one has committed to forgive, one can begin the work of forgiveness by viewing the offender in new ways by developing empathy and compassion toward the offender…After one has work on forgiveness, one might find new meaning in the suffering, recognize that one has been an offender in the past, and realize that one is not alone
Forgiveness is the excuse of an offense.But it never denies the offense, the hurt and damage still exists for years.When integrity is not justified, justice restores individuals and the society to show virtuousness.Justice is all about restoration, not revenge.Revenge is a retreat.But the society does it different from what most people do in personal relationships.Through the journey of individuals life, forgiveness is a special thing.It can be a choice or an emotional spirit.Some people tend to hold bitterness and injustice for years, while others can sweep away the situation.Some people might argue that forgiving with justice makes everything so much easier however, it is obvious that sometimes justice does not help with anything.Often there
This in turn leads to the idea in which forgiveness is a cancellation of a debt and the offended party no longer expects repayment for the pain caused (Pettigrove, 2012). Additionally, forgiveness is the release of bitterness or anger as an effect of an apparent offense while ceasing to demand punishment (Pettigrove, 2012). Furthermore, it begins by accepting what has happened and choosing to let go by making a decision to forgive and love the offender by canceling the debt (Pettigrove, 2012). Likewise, it releases judgement as well as thoughts of revenge or ill-will to the one who caused harm while resuming some form of a relationship with those who caused the hardship (Pettigrove, 2012). What is more, it is taking the responsibility for one’s own feelings while taking back control of one’s life instead of allowing those feelings complete control (Pettigrove, 2012). Finally, it allows God the room to move and work within our lives as He begins to heal the brokenness.
The article “Self- Forgiveness: The Stepchild of Forgiveness Research” covered the topic of self-forgiveness. This article focused on self-forgiveness from many perspectives such as the victims, and the offenders. It also described and defined self–forgiveness, intrapersonal forgiveness, interpersonal forgiveness and pseudo self–forgiveness. Hall (2005), explained in the article that there is multiple definitions of forgiveness. However, majority of the definitions are similar. “In the psychology literature, self–forgiveness has been defined as “a willingness to abandon self–resentment in the face of one’s own acknowledged objective wrong, while fostering compassion, generosity, and love toward oneself” (Hall, 2005, p.622). The article
The fifth theme presented in the book is forgiveness and the hostilities to forgiveness in counseling. According to McMinn (2011), forgiveness is of importance to emotional and spiritual health. However, forgiveness is perceived as a “danger” if it produces indignity or distress (McMinn, 2011).
The article “To Forgive is Good but Sometimes I Want to Stay Mad”, by Bob Brody, discusses the need for forgiveness. Brody argues that in some situations forgiveness is not necessary. In his article he lists many scenarios which would require a tough forgiving. He talks about the perks of not forgiving and why forgiving is not always the best way to settle a dispute. Brody offers a strong argument and even recognizes that some believe that forgiveness is good for the mind, soul, and preventing medical complications; such as, heart attacks, high blood pressure, and depression. Brody’s claim that forgiveness is not always necessary is flawed because grudges do not help recovery of the transgression, grudges do not equalize the wrongdoing, and
Throughout life everyone has been in a situation where they were offended or they have offended someone else. Therefore, forgiving someone is therapeutic for the victim, and the offended. However, when someone is wronged, justice is what they seek. On the contrary, when people feel pain from being wronged, they experience an “injustice gap.” Worthington defines “injustice gap” as, “the difference between the way the person would like a transgression to be resolved, and the way things are perceived to be currently” (Worthington Jr, 2005, pg. 121).
Forgiveness is an intrapersonal process to reduce thoughts of anger, revenge, or hurtful feelings towards an offending person. Recent intervention researchers concur that forgiveness is not just an excuse for the wrongdoing; conversely, the absence of the negative vengeful feelings define forgiveness (Wade, Hoyt, Kidwell, & Worthington, 2014). Forgiveness is described as a willing decision to forgive; a process to bring about cognitive change, eliminate negative feelings, and increase positive thoughts and behaviors toward the offender (Blocher & Wade, 2010). People living with negative pent up emotions of anger and resentment potentially endanger their psychological and physical health, and well-being. Sufferers can learn how to reduce and reverse negative thoughts, and emotions; into positive thoughts of compassion, love, and achievement of forgiveness. Clients learning to cognitively change their negativity into forgiveness, and through intervention; can attribute their well-being to better health outcome predictors for early prevention.
Seligman and Peterson (2013) have conceptualized forgiveness has a religious grounded value. It is the act of forgiving a transgressor through as intrapersonal choice. It is distinct from reconciliation, in the sense that it is more concern with benevolence towards the person and towards the person. It is not heavily grounded on the need to have reconciliation but the act of forgoing misunderstandings and grudges. Furthermore, Thompson et al (2005), conceptualized forgiveness as the the transformation of negative affect from a perceived offense, offender and offending circumstance into a positive or neutral one. The source of offense may be the person himself, another person or a situation that is uncontrollable. Hence, this study will define forgiveness as the forgoing of