Raising An Emotional Intelligent Child By John Gottman Guide

Emotional intelligence (EI) is a type of intelligence that allows a person to see and control their emotions, as well as helping them to understand the emotions of others (Lamberton & Minor, 2014). Jafri, Dem, and Choden, (2016) found that EI can be used as a predictor for workplace success and plays a part in acceptable job performance. Understanding the subcategories of EI can directly improve human relations in a business setting. There are four subcategories to EI; self-awareness, social awareness, self-management, and relationship management (Lamberton & Minor, 2014). Additionally, knowledge on EI can improve personal interactions with family, friends, co-workers and others. As Registered Nurse (RN), EI plays a vital role in my career

Children are very complex, unique and varied individuals whose genetics, connections and backgrounds all perform significant roles in their emotional development (Wilson, 2003). The genetic blueprint a child inherits from its parents may plot a course for development but the environment and the influences within can affect how the child is shaped, how they connect with and are perceived by others and how their emotions are or are not expressed. Wilson (2003) points out emotions as an experience that is linked to cognitive interpretation, context, subjective feeling, physical reaction and behavioural expression. Campos, Campos, and Barrett (1989) suggest emotions are processes of establishing, maintaining, or disrupting the relations between the person and the internal or external environment, when such relations are significant to the individual.

Children learn multiple emotion-regulating strategies, from their own experiences and from the observation of adults. For example, when a toddler seeks comfort she crawls up on to the lap of her caregiver, while Connie covers her eyes with her hands during an unpleasant part of a movie to avoid the emotionally arousing situation (Kostelnik et al. 2015, p.135). Adults can help children learn how to better cope with their emotions in a number of ways. Effective ways of responding to emotions include talking about emotions and using affective reflections. Affective reflections involve recognizing the emotions a child is facing and then using a reflective statement to help identify the child’s emotions (Kostelnik et al. 2015, p.144). For example, a reflective statement could be as simple as: “It’s frustrating to be interrupted” (Kostelnik et al. 2015, p.144). Verbally identifying emotions helps children distinguish their emotions and gives adults the opportunity to show their care and understanding towards the child, which plays an important role in the building of strong adult-child

Lewis (2013) explains the ability to control your emotions does not begin until a child nears the age of six (as cited in Berger, 2014, p. 276). The need to maintain control of feelings and emotions remains important throughout adulthood. It would not be normal for a 38-year-old lawyer to throw a temper tantrum in the courtroom because they did not win a case. Not everyone is great at controlling their emotions, but there is always room for improvement (Berger, 2014). A child is not born with this control, nor can one learn it on their own. Morris et al. (2007) discussed the importance of parents, teachers and other adults that may be in a child?s life to instruct and inform children of appropriate ways to manage their feelings for them to learn or develop over time (as cited in Berger, 2014, p. 276). It is the same aspect as manners. A child does not come out of the womb saying ?please? and ?thank you,? but must be taught to use such mannerisms. Eric Erikson explained that children believe they can achieve any goal just as long as they keep trying because their view of their abilities is not yet within reason (Berger, 2014). A child may see a fish breath underwater and believe they too can breathe while swimming

Managing human emotions plays a critical role in everyday functioning. After years of lively debate on the significance and validity of its construct, emotional intelligence (EI) has generated a robust body of theories, research studies, and measures (Stough, Saklofske, & Parker). There has been work and many ideas by Jack Mayer, Peter Salovey, David Caruso, Daniel Goleman, and Steve Hein to name a few. All researchers have different interpretations of the term emotional intelligence and different visions of what emotional intelligence can mean for humanity (Hein, 2005). In 1985 Wayne Leon Payne, then a graduate student at an alternative liberal arts college in the USA, wrote a doctoral dissertation which included the term “emotional intelligence” in the title. This seems to be the first academic use of the term “emotional intelligence.” In the next five years no one else seems to have used the term “emotional intelligence” in any academic paper. Then in 1990 the work of two American university professors, John Mayer and Peter Salovey, was published in two academic journal articles. Mayer and Salovey were trying to develop a way of scientifically measuring the difference between people’s ability in the area of emotions. They found that some people were better than others at things like identifying their own feelings, identifying the feelings of others, and solving problems involving emotional issues. Since 1990 these professors

Keeping emotions under control is no easy task, but once strategies for managing emotions are learned and implemented, this area of EQ may prove to be valuable. There are various strategies and techniques available for one to learn how to develop a solid foundation for emotional intelligence. One possible recommendation that may effectively improve emotional intelligence is a coach. According to Chamoroo-Premuzic (2013), “ research also

“Emotional intelligence is the ability to regulate your emotions and understanding others for effective problem solving and living happily” (236 kail). Logan and his brother Austin often fight about ‘who ate the chips,’ or’ who did not do their chores.’ They have both failed to demonstrate emotional intelligence, in which resulted in pushing each other and insults. “Emotional coaching is a style of teaching that help people navigate the world of emotions. This requires taking others emotions seriously, seeing things from their point of view, and helping them develop skills to deal effectively with their emotions (Byerwalter “Emotional Coaching Handout”). My boyfriend Austin and I both know how to emotional coach. Since

Emotional intelligence is conceptualized as a person’s ability to overcome stress, communicate effectively, understand others, cope with challenges, and solve conflicts by identifying, using, understanding, and managing their emotions positively (Gines, 2015). Emotional intelligence allows individuals to understand others, without necessarily talking to them. This understanding is vital since it influences the way we relate with other people. Emotional intelligence can be defined using four components which include self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management (Segal, Smith, & Shubin, 2016). The essay focuses on these four components and the skills that help in building emotional intelligence.

Chapter 8 discusses many significant subjects, but the two that really stuck with me were Developing Emotional Intelligence and Choosing to Listen. Developing Emotional Intelligence discusses a variety of steps that allows someone a chance to work their way up to achieving that emotional intelligence and defines it as a cluster of traits: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and skill in relationships. This subject is important because it basically counsels the reader about their emotions and how to express them; it gives the reader a chance to break through his or her shell. One way this reading can be applied to life is by thinking about what emotion is being felt instead of acting immediately and hurting someone. Choosing

Emotional intelligence was described formally by (Salovey & Mayer). They defined it as ‘the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions’. They also provided an initial empirical demonstration of how an aspect of emotional

When parents and family members repeat the process of saying please and thank you around the house, they learn to know the true meaning of having manners. Children seeing the way others share items and feelings around each other is a big eye opener to them that allows the child to feel their own feelings. When children see that they do something wrong, the parent should always be there to ask them questions for example on what happened?, how this made them feel?, how they think the other person felt when they did the same thing back? Children than begin to think about their own actions might impact the emotions of those around them. When kids interact with one another they get to learn how to relate with eachother that will then help develop social problem-solving skills. Having many practice with peers help them a lot to solve and listen to each other that way they learn to compromise. Although, youngsters who have difficulty showing and or controlling their emotions are more likely to struggle with problems like depression and anger. This gives a child a lower self-esteem and will have a poor self image on themselves due to the fact that everyone around them is either always being negative, any type of bullying, being teased, made fun of, and when they distance themselves from anyone around them. During early childhood, children often start to develop self-conscious emotions around parents,

However, research rarely focuses on the parent’s emotional intelligence and how it has an effect on a child’s language growth. Emotions are defined as, “internal events that coordinate many psychological responses, cognitions, and conscious awareness” (Mayer et al., 1999 p.268). Yet, emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, assimilate, understand, and

Because self-esteem is influenced by so many different things (e.g. society, media, friends, etc…) it is very important that parents and caretakers take the proper steps in helping a child develop a strong sense of who they are (Nuttall, 1991). By the time a child reaches three years of age they have experienced a very wide range of emotions (Cluff, N.D.) Parents, teachers and caregivers will lay the foundation upon which a child emotionally develops (Cluff, N.D.). Positive emotional development is important for children because this will not only determine their ability to develop healthy relationships with their peers but also how to successfully deal with their own emotions (Cluff, N.D.). Many theorists agree that there is a connection between a child’s emotional levels and development; they also

In John Gottman’s, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, it is found that teaching children to regulate and understand their emotions is important in order to create an emotionally healthy generation. Emotional intelligence, which is referred to as an “IQ” of people and the world of feelings (Gottman 17), contributes to the success of life emotionally, socially, and mentally of oneself. According to Gottman, there are multiple contributing factors that influence a child’s emotional intelligence which are parents and their parenting style, parent’s emotional expression, a parent’s interest or relationship with the child specifically between father and child, and the influences of the parent’s relationship on the child. The

Emotional intelligence has to do with an individual’s ability to understand and manage his or her own or others’ feelings and emotions. It involves the ability to perceive and express emotion, assimilate emotion in thought, understand and reason about emotion and manage emotions in oneself and in others. People with emotional intelligence are able to identify and recognize the meaning of emotions and to manage and regulate their emotions as a basis for problem solving, reasoning, thinking, and action.