Reading Gottman 's Article Reminds Me Where I Stand With My Current Relationship

And how can we, exactly? Well now, Gladwell walks us through how Gottman determines the success or failure of a couple. First, he talks about the complex and intricate coding system that Gottman created, the SPAFF, that has twenty separate categories, which correspond to every emotion a married couple could possibly make during a conversation (21). Gottman uses the SPAFF codes to assign an emotion to every second of the couple’s interaction. So, when a 15 minute conversation is broken down in this way, it could end up looking like this: angry for 6 seconds, defensive for 10 seconds, whining for 5 seconds, and so on. Gottman discovered that typically, the couples who stayed together had more positive emotions compared to negative emotions during these 15 minute conversations. The couples that ended up divorced had a higher ratio of negative emotions to positive ones instead (26). When Gottman sat down, watched 15 minutes worth of married couple’s conversations, and then analyzed them using the methods Gladwell described to us, he was 90% accurate at determining which couples would

L.M.’s main personal compliant at the beginning of Family Based Treatment was feeling that no one listens to her. She was quick to volunteer in the participation of additional therapeutic hours with this intern along with the over two-hour weekly family sessions and her own outpatient therapy. When asked if she would be interested in meeting with the intern for a few sessions, she remarked: “I could use talking to someone who will listen.”

Bonds are essential for an individual to live a life of happiness and fulfillment. Bonds can’t be purchased or bartered for, only developed and progressed between two individuals. In “Mr. Pirzada…” by Jhumpa Lahiri and Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck, the authors depict how connections with others are established through situational and psychological circumstances, such as shared experiences and a common necessity. However, the absence of these bonds will negatively impact an individual’s life.

Gottman's vision when facing a couple crisis, I think is very successful, as it seeks the positive aspects of the couple and part of them to solve problems based on the love and respect that must be shown within The relationship, making the other person feel valued. Making yourself feel valued, respected and loved by the other person can be easy, if people strive to make small gestures in which the other party can see that you know it, that you support it and that you take it into account in the decisions. All this in turn, I think it can help strengthen an emotional relationship, feeling within the couple satisfied, and happy. However, that the "love map" is established at the beginning of a relationship, when we want to know everything about

In Aviva Patz’s essay, “Will Your Marriage Last”, the author reflects on reasons marriages often fail through the studies of a University of Texas professor of human ecology and psychology, Ted Huston, and through her own research. Patz reveals that much of her interest in the subject of failed marriages and why they occur comes from her own experience in a failed marriage. She says that in her second marriage she wants to make it work and because of this desire, she found herself studying this subject.

What a great week that I have had learning to love my sweetheart even more. I have learned that when we really listen to our spouse that you will hear them say something that they would like you to do or may not like you to do. Dr. Gottman calls these bids. This is calling for each other’s attention. He tells us that when we do this that it’s like adding it to a bank account. Who would not want more in a bank account? This is what he said. “Each time partners turn toward each other, they are funding what I’ve come to call their emotional bank account. They are building up savings that, like money in the bank, can serve as a cushion when times get rough, when you are faced with a major life stress or conflict. Because they have stored an abundance of goodwill, such couples are less likely to teeter over into distrust and chronic negativity during hard times.” 1

The book What Makes Love Last? by John Gottman is a discussion of long-term couples he has overserved over the years in his “Love Lab” at the University of Washington in Seattle. Gottman analyzes couples while they converse about everyday things as well as when they argue. He then interviews them together and individually. His Love Lab is a studio apartment fully furnished and he records their every moment of interaction they have.

Most people in their lifetime choose to get married, but like all couples they argue and fight. Some get over differences in their marriage, while othesr quit. A few couples just don't want to give up and decide to search help like counseling. The Gottman Relationship Institute is a place where they provide various programs to strengthen relationships. This institute is a way for couples to heal together and strive way stronger as they first did.

Karpel (1994) makes a powerful statement by arguing that emotional attachments may be the most important factor impacting couple relationships. He considers the concept so important that he opens with the idea, drawing a connection between the early mother-child relationship and later couple relationships. In my own experience of marriage (10 years in my first marriage, and nearly 28 years in my current marriage), I would concur that our childhood attachment history has a tremendous impact on who we become and how we act out our intimate adult lives.

Blau (1977) argued that interactions are “expensive”, as they take time, energy and commitment and may involve unpleasant emotions and experiences. Therefore what we get out of a relationship must exceed what goes in.

The author is making it clear that relationships work in all different ways. Whether positive or negative relationships can be hard to control.

Relationships are a complex, psychological, and emotional bond between two or more individuals. A relationship can refer to a multitude of bonds such as parent and child, significant others, friendships, or marriage. Being in a relationship doesn’t make it healthy; there is opposing evidence to support what makes a relationship a healthy one. Most of what makes up a relationship are biological impulses, pair bondings created by hormones, mutual interests, and forgiveness which all contribute to what makes up a relationship as a whole.

Looking within one of my majors, I have peaking interest in the social field of psychology. Something I find myself often observing and trying to come to conclusions about is the interaction between romantic partners and the romantic relationships we find ourselves in. Last semester, I wrote a paper for my Women and Gender Studies course about relationships and why people stay in bad relationships. I observe the situations my friends are in and how some of them feel like they need a relationship while others are anti-commitment and relationships. It’s very interesting how society, how we were raised, and our experiences shape us and how we seek relationships.

The four phases of intimate relationships are attraction, frustration, adjustment, and devotion. Attraction is the first phase. People attract to other of different styles. The different become an advantage and people often commit to a lifelong relationship. Frustration is the second phase. The advantages of attractive point of partner became a disadvantage. People deal conflict in the extreme of their styles and it is the phases most relationship end. The third phases are adjustment. During this phases, couples encounter different kind of problems such as mortgage, retirement saving and having children. There are ways to navigate through problems: a shift from judgement to acceptance, realize that there are unsolvable problems, try to change own self, not the partner, and appreciate the different. The last phrases are devotion and there are three characteristics. Both persons have confidence in the relationship, enjoy intimacy, and go with the flow in the

Reiss’s wheel of love suggests, that love develops in four stages. These stages may be repeated many times, producing a deepening relationship, or the wheel may stop, resulting in a short relationship. The first stage involves building a rapport with one’s partner. Feelings of rapport develop because of mutual trust and respect between one another. These feeling cause partners to begin to feel comfortable in each other company. In addition, similarities in social, cultural, educational backgrounds and upbringings may enhance the development of rapport. The next stage derived from rapport is self-revelation. This is established by gradually sharing intimate information and disclosing personal information with partner. Discussions of hopes, fears,