Reflection Paper

I went to preschool and always felt like the outcast but now I know I was different in my own little way.I started 1st grade scared out of my mind of what was to come but little did I know I would have a bunch of friends that would always have my back.

I had this idea that if I can make something of myself then I'll be liked. That when I have money, people will want to be close to me. Yet with this idea I had to get a new mindset. I became a sociopath. I started caring less and less about others. I gained the ability to subside all empathy and focus on what would benefit me and hurt them. At the end of the day, I was only one that mattered.

I grew up in small town known as Kinston, where most of my peers were underprivileged like myself. Instead of starting out in public school, I was enrolled into one of the two local charter schools. I was always put in the “smart” group in any activity, but once I started talking with public school kids and learning that we were being taught different made me doubt if I was truly was smart. When I was put in various community groups with majority public school kids, I felt outnumbered and uncomfortable because we had nothing in common. I started high school as a social outcast, but I made some really good friends. After I was put up against the public school kids, I did excel educationally. Instead of hanging out with my friends on the weekend,

During middle school, I used to always get made fun for everything, especially my grades, they used to get called a nerd. But for some reason, everybody wanted the answers to the homework that was due and help on a quiz or test whenever they were stuck. I used to feel very bad of myself because I thought I would never fit in with “cool kids” who just asked me for answers. This made me less confident and have low-self-esteem because I didn’t have any real friends. I triumphed and fought my very hardest to focus on my success and growth. I faced many challenges while doing this, for example my favorite teacher had passed away, I was going through a lot with my family and I didn’t really have friends. It was during these struggles

Kids naturally avoided me and it hurt to be an outcast. My social life besides my interaction with my family was stunted and my reputation didn’t help at all, but I knew I was a good kid, probably even nicer than all of the kids at my school. I didn’t talk bad about people. I didn’t bully others. I was merely a curious child that wondered if safety scissors could cut off someone’s fingers. I even had a willing experimentee, but I was still the one getting in trouble. After all that’s who I was to everyone, nothing but a problem child, that no one talked to, and no teacher cared enough about to

Like Charlie, I began my freshman year in high school as an outsider. I was considered a nerd who knew nothing except getting Straight-As. Being teachers’ favorite soon led to jealousy and my classmates began taunting me for my lack of social skills and aloofness.

As a child, moving to a new school caused rejection, neglect and isolation by many of my peers and then later on by my own friends, who avoided me so for the sake of not ending up like me. Thus, oftentimes I found myself alone, excluded from others. I've heard spiteful remarks about me spread throughout the class faster than water flowing from and river into the ocean when the teacher is occupied. I was the central target for the entire class, I was being victimized emotionally. At that time, I could not exactly trace the reasons for the hatred, but later on I realized it derived from worries and jealousy.

When I was little I used to care about what people thought. I didn't have any confidence in who I was. But as I got older, I got more self- conscious. I felt like an outsider. I isolated myself from everyone because I felt embarrassed. Because I didn’t look like my peers did, My peers affected the way I saw myself. As the school year ended,

Times were tough sometimes because I was always afraid that I wouldn’t make friends or wouldn’t be in the same environment that I was raised in. I was always scared trying to fit in with the kids at my new school and in my neighborhood, but it was always difficult for me. The kids would either make fun of me because of the way I talked and dressed or simple because I was the new kid and no one wanted to be my friend or hang out with me. But the older I became I started to realize that not everywhere you move to you would have friends or get used to the environment around you. There were times when I would ride my bike alone or even stay in the house and talk to my parents about the constant moves. As the time flew by and the more i matured i started to realize that everywhere i move i wouldn’t fit in or make friends like the friends i had before, so I have gotten used to the frequent changes. The way i was raised and the constant moves shaped me to be an intelligent young lady that didn’t mind being the outcast of everyone else, and being myself. Now that I look back at how I grew up, I’m proud of myself for never changing and staying the person I really am. Not once have I changed the way I was raised or where I came from, I stayed my true self and didn’t let anyone

After going out my way for people and getting in trouble for individuals who wouldn't do the same. Those 4 years taught me to not believe and trust everyone who claims to be a friend to

As a girl who grew up in the small rural town of Red Creek, NY, my identity has always seemed pretty obvious. Being that I am the second oldest in a group of five, everyone would assume I was just like my older sister,who was indeed the all around over achiever and brainiac. Whenever a teacher, classmate, or community member heard that I was a Luckette, they immediately assumed I was smart, talented and respectful. I was always expected to not only be involved in year round sports and after school activities, but hold leadership positions within these activities. My guidance counselor assumed I would be taking the most advanced courses, and teachers would often times refer classmates to me for help. Thus, I became that person that my parents and community expected me to be. It was a lot of responsibility, but it also pushed me to improve and work hard.The community saw all five of us as well rounded over achievers; however, within our home we saw each other in a different way. You could say that we saw each other through family imposed distortions, or maybe we just saw each other for what we really were.

We were singled out, cut from the pack and not allowed to be a part of the elite society. We struggled through elementary and middle school. We forged our own path and maintained a small group of friends, those who were also unlucky enough to be in small group settings.

Growing up in a family where both my parents work and both having similar income never made me realized which of, my parents had more responsibilities or which one had more power. Now I know that my dad was the one who usually paid for house bills and my mom was the one that paid for my two sisters and my necessities such as clothing, shoes, school supplies, and the food that was at home. Both my parents shared the same amount of authority such as if asked my mother for permission she would make me question my father too and vice versa. In my opinion, I grew up in a healthy family environment where I never had to see either of my parents under the influence of any drugs or alcohol and never witnessed a large fight caused by them. When I start to analyze my family’s’ stability with one another, it is clear that both my parents respect each other and their ideas. They as well have the same cultural beliefs in which is where they get the same belief on the sexual script and share the same amount of authority. My parent's sexual script was always to be heterosexual, and they expected nothing less from my siblings and me. When I see myself in any future relationship, I find it essential that my partner and I must have similar if not the same values such as self-respect, similar cultural beliefs, and women empowerment.

A challenge is an obstacle that one must defeat with validity that it has been overcome, while fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that something is harmful. No life-changing challenge worth conquering comes without a dash of fear. In my life, I’ve faced what I thought was a lot of challenges. From having a dad that left to be the first in my family to go to college directly after high school, I’ve confronted a lot of obstacles that have generated fear. However, nothing could prepare me to the fear that I faced at my first SEARCH retreat.

As years went on I was always known as the outsider out of the seven of us there were. I did well in school, went to church, worked starting at the age of about 14 and I never got into any trouble. I got high honors, recognition from many people in the community and I always kept myself busy. The recognition from everyone in the community definitely made up for the recognition I didn’t receive at home. Comparing to people in my family, I was one of the first to actually get high honor roll all the way from grade school to my senior year. I was also the only one that wanted to go to college and completed all of my applications by myself, under the decision of early action. This on its own was hard work but all worth it in the