Reflection Paper

Why is a question I often asked and never got the answer too. Being that I was and still am in a state of my life where all I can do is ask questions, I turned to philosophy. With getting my general education in mind I chose this class out of curiosity. Though it was not my intention to actually find meaning in the class, I did. It opened a light that I didn’t think shined as bright as it did. I’ve always let society and my past experiences determine my outlook on life and how I chose to present myself. Dealing with a lot of mental hindrances, like depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, I was nearing my breaking point. Asking questions every day on what the good life was and whether I’d be happy I felt stuck. Now looking back through the semester, I’ve answered a lot of the questions I didn’t know I wanted to ask. Keeping my curiosity alive as well as, the question “Is this the life I want to live?”

Growing up in Rock Hill, South Carolina, attending Westminster Catawba Christian School as an adolescent, living in a suburban area with my older sister Reaghan and parents, a portrait of the best life any child could ask has been painted. My sister and I were spoiled rotten and got pretty much anything we ever asked for. My life consisted of going to school, participating in fun family nights, viewing movies, and attending church on Sunday. I’ll never forget the delicious soul food Sunday dinners that followed.

Most students can agree that as writers, they have improved since the beginning of the term. For most their work ethic was lacking at the beginning because they believed they could breeze through the class, hardly trying and they would realize this would not work and I was one of those students. Ever since the first essay my work ethic has drastically increased. I would spend more time writing and revising my essays as the term went on. Because of the increase in work ethic, the quality of my papers also increased, as did my stress level. The increase in my work ethic, writing quality, and stress level all contributed to the increase in the grades I received on my essays.

I had asked myself many questions before I left where I was from, to come to college in the United States: What does my new school look like? Will I make many friends there? Will the workload be heavy? However, after two months of study here at the University of Illinois and from LAS 100, I think I have found the answer to my questions. Although there were some setbacks and difficulties I had to overcome, for example, I have struggled while working in the group workshop as it was hard organizing with all the group members, but in the end, we have completed the assignment, and it helped to prepare me for the future projects. Over the last eight weeks, from looking for the purpose of higher education, exploring liberal arts education, to truly understand the meaning of global perspective, I believe I now have come up with more answers than I expected in the first place.

Some of the values listed in class that are a part of my value system include developing the ability to give and receive affection, finding satisfaction in one’s work, having a sense of identity and feelings of self-worth, and being open, honest, and genuine. One value that I do not possess is developing effective strategies for coping with stress (Corey & Corey, 2011). I seldom let myself feel stressed, so I wonder if I become very stressed in the work field, how will I handle it? A value I do not adhere to well is the ability to receive affection. This is because it is something I am still working on. I am good at receiving affection, but when it comes to some people, I struggle to receive affection from. I wonder what steps I can take to increase my ability to receive affection. Again, in my psychology course, I have learned that our values can often be influenced by our parents (Dutka, 2016). I would say that is true for me as many of my values line up with my mom’s. She is also values empathy, compassion, and helping other people.

There I was, standing in the grounds of my school, bound by judgemental onlooking eyes, which studied me for a sign of vulnerability; begging for me to collapse into my self-fabricated darkness. Like a cowardly criminal, I slumped, trembling uncontrollably in the middle of the secluded balcony, where I implored myself to “stop” as I yet again had a crippling anxiety attack which incarcerated my whole body, though this time because my counsellor had called my parents regarding my suicidal ideation. It was punishing enough to wake up in the mornings, though faced with the constant internalization of emotions tore strips off my self-esteem. Tears filled my eyes like an overflowing river and cascaded down my face, though freezing in the silence. Proceeding to tell myself repetitively to “stop it”, as I refused to accept that mental illness was the corruptive reality of my life, I cowered as the flashbacks uncontrollably replayed in my mind. I recollected the words that any mother would dread to divulge to their child; that “sometimes I think that it would be better that you were gone, because then, you wouldn’t have to feel this pain”, contradicting this by expressing to me that “I know it’s selfish, but you can’t leave me”.

I have learned many aphorisms, or lessons, throughout my life so far. My family, friends, teachers, and pretty much everyone has taught me something in one way or another. These lessons usually come through in a change in my life. One change important to me was getting a job. This job has given me a positive learning experience (for the most part) and an education of working with others. Well, here’s what I know about going to work.

She compared her life to a hurricane, a natural disaster that took everything in its path and destroy any shred of light in her life. Thus, the weeks turned into years of regressive behavior that led her to believe that she was not good enough to truly be herself. She only allowed herself to be her mother’s puppet, an item only used for public occasions, for if she ever became her own self, she would be outcasted. Yet, during those times I recall a shout in the cave of darkness, a murmured voice saying: Carpe Diem. Seize the day. My brother used those words when I was little —he was an extroverted fellow who vocalized whatever he felt because he was confident in whom he was. Nevertheless, I was an introverted, insecure, and self-conscious kid who was silenced by the public because they scared me. Fear ruled my actions. Fear ruled my mind. Fear ruled me; yet, my brother’s words rang a certain alarm in my head when I grew up. Thus, I realized that my individuality was stolen. My silence was bought, and my uniqueness was used as a weapon for society’s cruel expectations. I noticed that the world has so many beliefs, ideas, and aspirations that I wanted my own drum to beat in my own rhythm.

First I would like to mention that I enjoyed reading this Chapter as it hit home for me because the teachers from Loyola Marymount University believe in building family and community strengths and I fit that mold. Even though demonstrating passion and empathy is mostly frowned upon by many in our institutions due to concentrating on teaching to the test. If you provide your students with a safe learning environment, my experiences have shown that they are more apt to flourish. As a result, I provide this type of atmosphere in my classroom. For example, one of the teachers interviewed, Leticia Ornelas, had “Lotion Day” Nieto (2013). I have shared my lotion with students as well. Some of them fall under the English as a Second Language (ESL) programs. And like she mentions, it provides them with a safe, caring, and passionate learning environment because you build that rapport. Building teacher to student relationships is essential to student outcomes.

“Through salvation our past has been forgiven, our present is given meaning, and our future is secured” -Rick Warren. Sunday, November 30, 2014 around 12:40 was a very special day for me. Life-changing you could say. This was a breaking of a new day to me. A fresh start and a very new beginning. This is a day that I never will forget. The day when my heart was spiritually opened and an opened invitation was held out to a certain someone. The day I was baptized in Jesus name. Baptism is a sacred event for Christians. It is considered an ordinance of Jesus Christ. It is a concept of being submerged under water to be considered ‘’saved’’. Being saved in other words is saved means that you are accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. He is now the center of your life. It means giving up yourself and doing the work of Christ. It means turning from anything that is against the will of the highest. The day I gave my life to Christ was very special to me because I learned a lot that day. I learned who I was, who I was in Christ, and what life after this meant for me.

After years of suffering abuse at the hands of my mother, I decided to take back my life and freedom. On July 4th 2014, I boarded a train from Chicago to California to leave the comfort of all I’ve ever known and ventured into uncharted territory. For three days, I sat on that train, just my books and my thoughts for company. By leaving, there was a stronger chance of a promising future for myself. What I didn’t know at that time was that I was headed towards heart-shattering changes that made me who I am today: a resilient, independent woman.

I don’t really know when exactly I noticed that I was “different” but, about 8th grade. My education started in pre-kindergarten where showed my first signs of emotional, social, and communication disabilities, however it was just chalked up to being a little slow. In elementary school teachers and students verbally, socially, and physically bullied me. Students both my age and older would use “dodgeball to physically attack me. I was often made fun of for being slow or “weird” and the teachers themselves would often leave me out of class and would use me as an example of what not to be like. Finally, after being told by my principle in front of my parents that I was “never going to amount to anything” it was right about then when I was officially diagnosed with Autism. After that I left the elementary school and I went to three other schools where I could get help from teachers that were prepared to help. In some of the schools I was still bullied though not as horrible and others were perfectly fine, but I not still didn’t receive the help that I needed to become motivated and overcome “scars” left behind. During my early education mother helped me communicate a phrase that I felt perfectly describe how I felt “Spiraling down in a world that secluded those who were different”. After going to 6th grade I finally meet people who felt the same way as I did, however it was short lived as junior high came around my mom decided I should be home schooled. After a year and half

Overall, I feel as if our presentation went very well. If there was anything I could change it would be having more class dialogue and it not seem so one sided. I also would have liked to ask more questions considering the class already had prior knowledge, of this content. The questions that I would have like to have asked most are the higher order thinking questions; such as, how and why. An example would be, “Why would you select the more colorful curriculum map over the one already filled out?” The anticipated response would hopefully be: “The colorful curriculum map is broken down into each month in the school year; whereas, the filled in map only has two months.” When creating a curriculum map is should be done for the entire school year and not just a month or so at a time. While assessing all of the feedback that was obtained, it was noted that everyone gave extremely positive with minimal critiques. I enjoyed how the class respected our wishes of giving only constructive feedback. The few suggestions for improvement were for me for to speak up, for Brianna to stand up and maybe move around the room, slow down a little (which was corrected as we presented and noted by some), one person said give more guidance on what to write in the organizer, and one said she wished we would have informed them sooner that not all the puzzle pieces would be complete. When it came to the organizer we did not really focus to much on that because we know everyone learns in a different

In our world today, there are a variety of different techniques used to help students fully understand and be more engaged in a topic. We all have our own interest and opinions that can be based off of how we were raised and even how society can persuade us to believe in things. With such a diverse world, it is not uncommon to have multiple ways in which we prefer to read, write, and comprehend what we are learning. Some of us may take an interest in reading and writing, while others may completely disagree because they feel it’s not meaningful to them or they don’t care enough to take the time to pursue an interest in it.

This last trimester I attended the class, Introduction to College Writing. I enjoyed the class and enjoyed the challenges the class brought. I have always loved to write papers, but my grade did not always reflect my enthusiasm. I took honors classes most of my high school career, learning how to write a very specific type of essay, with strict structures and numerous restrictions. This class taught me how to write different types of papers, and put my personality into the paper. I am ready for English 102 due to the skills that I acquired during this course.