Reflection Paper

There are multiple reasons I am where I am today and why I’m going where I’m going. I have struggled in school ever since I can remember but without the people that I have had in my life I wouldn’t where I am today. But as I will talk about the teacher have played a huge role in the reason I am able to be where I am today.

I was on my way to Baton Rouge, a city I knew nothing about, I knew immediately I was going to miss New Orleans. The city was so small to me very tight and very few houses, I never really adjusted to the city and I knew i wasn't going to fit in at the schools. I remember the first day of elementary like it was yesterday, it was

Furthermore, the thought of moving from primary to secondary was very daunting. The first couple of weeks I followed my old class mates like they were the piped piper to try to blend in. Soon they found new friends so I spent most of my time alone in the library. I was very lonely and had a feeling of depression. Would whisper (loud enough so you would hear), laugh and point. This built up so much anger and

Since arriving on campus, I have been asked how I came to Miami several times. Some would say that coming here is destiny, but I disagree. Psalm 139 says that before I was born, “in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them” (NKJV, Psalms 139:16). While there are several main components about which I will write, I keep coming back to the fact that God placed me here.

I remember where it all started; I sat on the guard stand of an empty pool with a nagging mother texting my phone and time to kill. It was the summer before my senior year, the summer before I would make the most important decision of my life so far. I stared down at the blank list of schools in front of me; where to start? I visited a few campuses, and my mother put a few bugs in my ear, one for her alma mater, and the other for two historically black schools (HBCUs). I wrote the first down, placing it low on my list, but there was hesitation with the other two. My entire academic career have been in predominantly white environments; how would I navigate a majority black space?

Going into this term, I wasn’t sure what to expect. My initial plan did not include taking this course this summer. Somehow, Troy ended up changing the schedule and it worked out for me. At least, I thought it was going to work out for me. This term has been very interesting. The classes that I took are PSY 6645 Evaluation and Assessment and CP 6642 Group Dynamics. This paper is going to be about my experience in PSY 6645. I’m going to discuss concepts that were new to me, experiences that caused me to think differently, if I feel as if this course is meaningful, and what can be applied to my professional practice.

I believe I was around 6 years old when I began to realize that everyone around me didn’t live or go through the daily routines that I went through. When I began to start talking to kids about what they did on the weekends they never said that they spent 8 hours in the car going back and forth to see their mom or dad, there answers were always something entertaining like “I got to spend the night with Tyler” or somewhere along those lines. Around 7 I started to see that not everyone celebrated the same things such as christmas or easter. My cousins were part of a church that didn’t believe in celebrating such things. To me I began to understand that everyone had different rules at home, different ideas, and different cultures within their families.

I’m a light skin woman living in south Mississippi. I do not personally identify with a race of people. However, my family identifies themselves as Caucasian, I debunk race identification as an arbitrary made-up system employed to categorize people. I believe we are one race, the human race. I more identify with nationality as an American.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (New International Version, Matt. 6.33-34). If I was told these verses when I was younger, they would contain no special meaning behind them, but after retiring from the military and the trials my family went through to get to where we are today, these verses stand out to me every time I read them. Until we go through our own personal trials we tend to be unaware of how strong our faith and trust needs to be in God. There were moments, when I was younger, where I relied on the Lord, but nothing that could have prepared me for the trust required to give to God during a time where my life completely changed. My family and I were a military family stationed in Hawaii where I lived for most of my life; Hawaii was all I knew. So when my father was ready to retire from his job in the Navy, it meant leaving my “safe zone” that I called home. Living in Hawaii was not an option after retirement for a large family of eight, for it was too expensive to afford. With that said, we went to stay with my grandfather in New York while my father searched for a new job.

Writing is a tool that will be used throughout my lifetime. It is a tool that is worth taking the time to perfect because it will only be beneficial in the long run. On my writing assignments, I earn A’s, but I still have areas that I need to work on. The areas that I struggle the most would be with simple grammar errors such as the use of commas, writing with an active voice, and writing short,simple sentences. First of all, I often do not know where to place commas in my sentence. I struggle with this because I tend to add commas in the wrong place, so I have become confused with the proper use of commas. This is a small grammar error that I can easily correct by learning where and when commas are needed. I have also found and been told that I write in a passive voice when I should be using an active voice. This is a technique that I have to work on by practicing it and noticing the difference while I am writing and reading. Finally, I often write run on sentences or sentences that include unnecessary information. This makes my writing unclear and difficult for the reader to understand. I could improve by writing shorter and simpler sentences that include only the essential information to get my point across. I have noticed these mistakes in my writing and it has also been brought up by others, so I am currently working on improving it.

My mother does genology for my family so I know that I am mostly a mix of African, Native American and not enough European to really think about. I look like a normal African-American girl and most people I come in contact with assume the same thing. To define myself without race I would say I am invested in the betterment of other peoples lives and performing in front of an audience. As a black woman I am affected mostly in my major, theatre, because being black is a factor in whether or not I am cast in certain roles. Personally it has been a rollercoaster going to predominately white-schools and still finding a way to love and appreiciate my blackness. I’m reminded of my race daily when I have to mix my foundations to find a shade that isn’t offered or when my theatre professors suggest I do a monologue from “A Raisin in the Sun’ and as of recently when I look at the news I am affected by the fact that the injustice in the world based on race could happen to me or a loved one in a heartbeat.

We are all strong. Some people never realize this, but everybody has an inner warrior. While it’s true that not everyone has great physical power, but mentally and emotionally everybody has some kind of strength. For me, I am not physically as robust or as athletic as some, but mentally I am strong. There are times when I bring myself down, but I know that my strong mind will soon return to its normal balance and pick me back up. There are times when I am down and I feel I may never be the same, but no matter what my mental strength lends a hand, and returns me to my ordinary routine. The perfect example of my strong mind is my relationship with swimming. My beloved sport, swimming, is meant for someone with a strong mental mind. Therefore, feel like I was born to swim.

In life, everyone gets to experience moments that they will cherish forever, as well as the ones that hurt to look back at. I’ve had the disappointing pleasure of having these moments back to back years. They both have to deal with the sport that challenges me from all aspects in life. Wrestling has ran in the Ybarra family for generations. I felt great coming out of sophomore year, as the Class B, 126 pound state champion. Before I knew it, I was already walking the halls as a Junior after the summer of 2016 flew past. I wish I could say Junior year went as tremendous as the year before, but that just wasn’t the case.

Looking in the mirror at the actual physical presentation of myself, I investigated what other people view when they looked upon me. At that moment, I began to realize what the features are interpreted as. My hair is pulled up and tight, various people have suspected military, but I have never been enlisted. My glasses and crooked teeth would suggest that my parents were low income, no corrective surgery or braces for me. My body image would be identified, instantly by women, as having children and I do have two sons. After one eight-pound boy and the other almost ten-pound baby my body did not return to its original dimensions, there was no weight trainer or nutritionist for me. My calloused hands will tell anyone that I am a blue-collar worker and the ring on my left tells them that I am married. Progressing through college and beyond will be my way out of the shell that society has created me in, it will be my golden door to freedom.

To honor my ten-year battle with depression, I got a tattoo this year. The small semi-colon represents my active decision to keep going no matter what. Although difficulties come and go, I come out stronger after fighting. Nine years ago, when I thought things were unbearable, my heart broke imagining other people who felt the same way that I did. I promised myself at that moment to have perseverance, and to find ways to help and encourage others.