Reflection Paper : ' The Bride '

Most people don’t ever think that they will get a divorce but the reality is that almost half of marriages will end in divorce. Divorce is not a decision that is made or taken lightly; its effects on families are damaging and not to mention long lasting. The Oxford Dictionary (2017), describes divorce as “a legal decree dissolving a marriage by a court or other competent body”. When a couple decides to separate numerous aspects of their lives are affected. Divorce affects family dynamics, physically and emotionally health, education, finances, job stability, income potential, drug use and crime. Divorce does not simply affect the lives of families; it affects America as a whole religiously, economically, and it immensely impacts the lives of the children involved.

In the 1970’s, divorce was relatively uncommon and difficult to happen. There needed to be adultery, abandonment, cruelty, intoxication or some other reason that made it necessary to end the marriage (“Why”). In today’s society, divorce happens every ten to thirteen seconds. Men and women fall in love, get married, and start a family. They make a vow to stay together forever and love each other unconditionally. However, not all marriages make it that far. Divorce occurs for multiple reasons such as financial problems, abuse, addictions, infidelity (cheating), and lack of communication. These factors, along with many others, not only affect the parents, but the children are affected as well.

There is a staggeringly large amount of divorces in the United States (US). In total, the US had a recorded total of 2,140,272 marriages in the year 2014 alone, and of those marriages, 813,862 ended up in divorce or annulment (Center for Disease Control). This means that as recently as 2014, there was a divorce rate of approximately 40%. This supports the statistics that the divorce rate for the US has stayed within 40-50% since the 1970’s (Austin Institute, 2014). While the numbers themselves are important, it is also important that the causes for the high divorce rate be explored, so that it can be known what pitfalls to avoid when participating in such an important union as marriage. There are many causes of divorce in the US such as conflicting gender roles, socioeconomic status, religious conflicts, physical abuse, emotional abuse, alcohol addictions, and many more (Amato & Previti, 2003). This paper will look at many of these reasons, but it will also focus on the differing reasons reported by men and women.

“Will Your Marriage Last?”, by Aviva Patz, is a cohesive article about marriage and divorce. Aviva Patz is the executive editor of Psychology Today. Patz narrates the story of Ted Huston, a professor at the University of Texas, who followed the lives of 168 couples for 13 years after their wedding date. She was then able to draw conclusions about what makes a couple stay together or end up filing divorce papers. Although marriages and divorce are the themes of this article, it is really about society’s pressure on young people to be perfect.

Kendra Randall Jolivet’s study was a study that involved the impact that divorce has on teenagers from the ages of thirteen to eighteen. Today divorce is looked at as another chance to happiness. During the 1950s, divorce was based on what a spouse did wrong. The spouse had to prove the other spouse of being guilty of committing a marital offense. “There was a strong belief at the time that children from broken homes were at the risk of school failure, delinquency,and psychological disorders” (Jolivet, 2009). As divorce has become more common,

Another significant two-part longitudinal study took place over a 17 year period and examined a sample of 85 children of divorced families. Parents were initially interviewed in 1980 regarding marriage quality. Interviews later determined which marriages dissolved and the conflict levels of those that had not. In 1992 and 1997 interviews with the children of these divorced families were given to determine their physiological well-being,

On her part, Cheryl Wetzstein in her article “Lowering Divorce Rates Urged As National Goal” argues that legislation should be put in place to checkmate the rate of divorce in the United States especially for a family with children. According to Wetzstein, the problem of divorce and its effect on children is a national goal which demands critical evaluation on the part of the government. Wetzstein claims that the effect of divorce touches every aspect of life. According to a study shared by Wetzstein, children from separated homes exhibit emotional, physical and mental problems; are easily exposed to crime and drugs; perform poorly academically, and are likely to commit suicide. Wetzstein states that seeing the unfortunate impact divorce has on these children, the government, as a matter of urgency, should come up with laws that would reduce family separation; this would not only preserve the future of the children but also saves government lots of money (2000).

The effects of divorce on the American culture are immense. Social scientists have been studying these effects for many years now. The studies are continuing to confirm that the climbing rate of divorce in the American culture is hurting the society and also frequently devastating the lives of many American children. There are many areas in which divorce has a negative effect in the life of a child or an adult. Many of these effects also directly correlate to the effect on a society. However, there is hope. Although divorce is being more widely recognized as being harmful to both our culture and to the individuals involved, there are many ways that we as a culture can seek to reduce this harm and attain our goal of being a culture

Marriage requires effort and work. Many newlyweds come into a marriage thinking it is easy but do not consider the consequences of marriage that heavily rely on balances and partnership. Marriage is all about compromise. It is important to engage in a premarital program to allow both partners to learn what to expect within a marriage, how to face certain roadblocks, and to better communication when conflict is aroused so that divorce does not become an option. Gottman’s research (2009) has made a significant contribution to the study of relationship and marriage tying unity, harmony, and communication together to make relationship and marriage work. When a couple who does not have consummate love (intimacy, passion, and commitment), they often portray the six indicators of divorce: harsh startup, the Four Horsemen, flooding, body language, failed repair attempts and reflecting on bad memories (Gottman, 2009). Divorce often occurs within the first two years of marriages and almost half of divorces end within the first seven years (Bhutto-Ramirez, 2015).

Amato, Paul R. "The Consequences of Divorce for Adults and Children." Journal of Marriage and the Family 62.4 (2000): 1269-87.

In 1995, Statistics Canada data shows that 30% of marriages split (McGovern). Since the 1960’s, marriage and divorce have been undergoing profound changes which have altered the meaning of marriage, the chances of its ending in divorce and the circumstances attached to marriage. These changes have made it easier for couples to obtain a divorce due to the changing laws and changing morals of society. The changes include three new grounds needed to prove marital breakdown, such as your spouse committing adultery, your spouse causing mental or physical cruelty or a separation of a year it was previously three years. Divorce also impacts the family as a whole, not only the children but also the two parties

Each and every day a child somewhere in the world is experiencing major changes within their family. One of those major changes is divorce or separation of parents. Divorce is “the action or an instance of legally dissolving a marriage”(Webster, 2011 p1). Today’s reality shows that couples only have one in two odds of remaining together. “ The U.S. Census bureau – involved in research about counseling children of divorce- estimating that approximately 50% of all American children born in 1982 lived in a single-parent homes sometime during their first 18 years. Mostly are due to divorce”(Children of Divorce, 2008 p.1). The rapid increase in divorce rates is a factor that has contributed to the large decline of the typical family. “Over 1

Harvey and Fine say, in their book on the effects of divorce on children, that divorce has increased at a “contagious rate since 1980.” They argue that divorce in America is a “cultural burden of vast proportions,” and insist that the “pain extends beyond the persons who dissolve their relationships to children, parents, and dear friends.” Harvey and Fine

Divorce is a plague that is destroying numerous families across the United States of America. Sadly, when husbands and wives divorce, the children are often caught directly in the middle. Throughout the years divorce has been becoming more and more common. In the 1920's it was a rare find to know a person whom had been divorced, today it is a rarity not to know of one who has been, or will be divorced. Divorce has numerous effects on the structures of families, and many devastating effects on the children that must experience it, although sometimes necessary, divorce radically changes the lives of adolescents and adults alike.

An opposing viewpoint contradicts my perspectives on the detrimental impacts divorce poses for children and adolescents in particular. Certain theories suggest that divorce is necessary and beneficial in providing relief to children who experience negativity and depression as a result of conflict within the family unit. This argument maintains that divorce does not harm children, who in fact engage in delinquent acts whilst cohabiting with their struggling parents in a violent atmosphere.