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Rempel And Burris: The Definition Of Love

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Beginning with the theory of Rempel and Burris I will discuss what these researchers consider as definition love. First they describe love as being a “multifaceted construct with multiple meanings, diverse targets and varied expressions” (Rempel and Burris, 2005). It is formed through multiple attachment styles such as the secure attachments defined by Bowlby and Ainsworth and the romantic attachment style by Shaver and Hazan. Rempel and Burris go on to describe what love is believed to be as it pertains to the object: (2005)
Love has an object; it is something that moves out from us toward something, typically someone else
Love has value; love has something to do with the process of valuing the love object
Love is drawn; the lover …show more content…

They state hate is so varied that it can be characterized as “chronic and stable” or “persistent and enduring” (Rempel and Burris, 2005). One thing the authors do agree on is hate has motivational implications that relate to the desire to hurt or destroy the other (Rempel and Burris, 2005). The writers suggest they are parallels between the two. “Love is linked to valuing the other; hate is linked to devaluing the other” they are both linked to the object (Rempel and Burris, 2005). Devaluing the loved person is crucial because it gives seed for hate to grow. The devaluation associated with feeling that make it “ satisfying to have the hated other suffer, experience loss and be harmed”(Staub, 2005). If love is has value and the motive is associated with the goal of preserving the objects wellbeing then hate is devaluing and must have an associated goal of destroying the object’s well-being (Rempel and Burris, 2005). The researchers go on to discuss how love and hate can be understood through goal …show more content…

A table taken from Let Me Count The Ways demonstrates how specific forms of love and hate correlate (See Figure 2). Erotic love is similar to Sadism. The writers state erotic love is driven by arousal, and excitement whereas sadism desires intense rewards and pleasures may be experienced in relations to anticipated or actual interaction with the hated other (Rempel & Burris , 2005). The ultimate goal of erotic love is a desired union while sadism is ultimate goal is to seek pleasure. Dependence is compared to Mutiny. Dependence is a type of love that has insecurities and deficiencies; it has an ultimate goal to be nurtured. In a dependent relationship “closeness and the desire to preserve the other often assume the form of demanding,clinging urgency” (Rempel and Burris, 2005). Mutiny wants autonomy and feels trapped by Dependence love. “Strong feeling of dependence or need can foster an obsessive, clinging preoccupation with the other so can a context of enforced dependence create feeling of resentment and exasperation that may provoke a desire to harm the other , as in caregiving situations that evoke a sense of being trapped” (Rempel and Burris, 2005). Strong feeling of dependence or need can foster an obsession with the object so enforced dependency creates

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