Save Them Before It's Too Late: The Struggle to Leave an Abusive Spouse

Domestic violence is an epidemic and the number one health concern in our country. There are more abusers and their victims compared to past years. As a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship, domestic violence is used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over another one. It can be physical, sexual, emotional, and economic abuse and not look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. This kind of abuse affects people of all ages and sexes, socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds, education and employment levels. Abuse towards children and the elderly can be violent or aggressive behavior. Thus, there are many types of abuse that one can suffer; awareness of the signs of domestic violence is especially important before getting into any kind of intimate relationship.

“Abuse is still seriously under reported. I was told by leading British social worker that when they hold training courses for employees, they find that a third of the females and slightly less of the males come forward to talk about their childhood experiences of being abused. Over ninety percent of parents as some time hit their children – and some people hit them several times a week – so there is a great deal of emotional hurt, fear and physical pain in the world today” (Davis 251). For this reason alone it makes perfect sense why violent crime rates are so frighteningly high.

They do not deserve to have their lives threatened or to see their mother abused the way she was. However, there were people in my family who felt as though they didn’t need any help or that they were fine and it was all blown out of proportion. While this distortion is damaging to the children who were traumatized, it also shows how trauma affects the person holding the distortion. It shows that their perspective of trauma was handled in a different way than other people and it creates a challenge. It challenged me to understand how different people perceive the trauma of others and how it affects everyone’s lives

In the article, Abuser & Victim…Alike, the author argues that both the abuser and the victim share responsibility for their situations. This is only true if we choose to believe that such people voluntarily stay and allow the abuse to continue. In this sense, some truth might exist, however, we must remember the lack of control felt by each victim, as well as the emotional torment they experience that serves to trap them in their current situations. Alternatively, it would be difficult for the author to validate such a claim of shared responsibility if the abused were a child, disabled or mentally handicapped person. To a certain degree, the author himself contradicts his previous statement when he comments that “abusers have all the power”.

Many people are perplexed by the unwillingness of victims in abusive relationships to abandon the tumultuous environment, even when given an opportunity to escape. Outside of personal, subjective experience friends and family can learn why and how this helpless mentality develops and most importantly, ways in which they can help.

Spousal abuse is a problem which exists in many societies around the world. Violence that occurs in any relationship which is romantic in nature and in which one partner seeks to dominate the other partner is called the spousal abuse. This type of abuse occurs in husband-wife relationship, relationship between the partners who are dating each other, with common law spouses and same sex relationships. There are certain ways in which one can be a victim of this abuse like emotionally, financially, verbally, sexually, psychologically or physically.

Furthermore, factors that contribute to the beginning of violence against an intimate partner is emphasized by both literary texts, correlating with the reality of domestic violence in modern society. The thoughts of conducting abuse may arise in the subconscious mind of a person due to several influences, such as witnessing abuse as a child or mental illnesses, without the person’s intent; however, the choice to carry out the act still lies in the hands of the individual. Those who violate women once continue their abuse for extended periods of time, rarely ever being able to change. According to several psychiatrists who analyze the behaviour and influence of domestic abusers, “people with very traditional beliefs [think] they have the right

The abuse is usually frequent enough that the victim internalizes it. This leaves the victim feeling fearful, insignificant, untrusting, emotionally needy, and unlovable. Survivors of this form of abuse have a hard time understanding why they feel so bad (Munro, K. 2001.).

Guilt also plays a major role in a woman’s vulnerability, she may understand that there is a problem, though considers herself responsible for it. She “deserves’ to be abused or treated badly, she feels, because she has imperfections in her personality, she is not living up to her man’s expectations. She again is vulnerable and each time truly believes that it will never happen again. Unfortunately the tensions begin to build again and the abuse continues and wishes she could leave the relationship. When an abused woman realizes that she must leave the relationship she may seem defenseless and confused as to what steps to take in order to feel protected.

A relationship provides refuge, love and trust between two partners but every relationship has flaws that can permanently taint the two individuals and their bond. A major conflict that occurs in many relationships is domestic abuse. It is the control that a partner in an intimate relationship, who is usually the male in a heterosexual relationship, tries to exert on the female with methods such as physical, verbal and sexual abuse (Domestic Violence and Abuse). However, there are many cases in which women should stay in an abusive relationship rather than evade it because of contributing factors that revolve around societal views. In the novels, A Thousand Splendid Suns written by Khaled

Domestic abuse is a startling issue in today’s society, and there are many different forms of it. Domestic abuse is defined as “the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another” [1]. There are numerous forms of domestic abuse, including both physical and emotional violence. Many people who are trapped in these toxic relationships often feel helpless and worthless, and may think they have no way to escape their situation. However, with the right guidance and support, they can free themselves and emerge as a stronger person.

According to statistics found by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Every nine seconds a woman is abused by her husband or intimate partner. At least 1 in every 4 women and 1 in every 9 men have been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused in their lifetime. Most often the abuser is one of their own family. Domestic violence is a problem that somehow affects every one of us in this room at some time and is actually the leading cause of injury to women -- more than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined.

To start off, an abuser tends to frighten their victims and isolate them from all friends, family and loved ones. The reason behind isolating their victims

Although spousal violence towards men is not as predominant as it is towards women, many accept to be true that husband abuse does not really exist. While some are blinded by ignorance others are simply just unaware of it. This is partly due to the lack of research accessible for others. On the subject of spousal violence, examination

     Spousal Abuse is a rising issue today in the United States. Spousal Abuse affects individuals of all social classes and gender and both males and females are victims of spousal abuse. Abuse of men is not a topic commonly known or discussed in our society as easily as abuse of females for various reasons. However it is a topic that needs to be examined so men who are being abused know they are not alone and society treats it as problem and not over look it. Bedsides the individuals directly involved it also affects children, other family members and friends that surround them.