Sense and Sagacity Amongst the Starbucks Three (Satire)

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Coffee brews under a drip of scalding water, beans grind in the gears of a metal mechanism set atop the bar, and the chatter of patrons syncs with the sound of steaming milk in each Starbucks cafe chain. Like most cafes, the aroma of Arabica overwhelms all others, natural light shines in through the windows to touch the wooden tables, and the murmurs of conversations can be heard throughout the edifice. However, whereas the plebeian palate that feigns good taste finds pleasure in drinking coffee in its most basic form so that the true flavors of the drink might be relished, the rising youth of our post-modern society realize that coffee is best prepared when the taste of the bean is overwhelmed by various artificial flavors and sugars—undoubtedly cancerous but utterly unimportant. These developing connoisseurs of high society, with all their charm and intelligence, make it clear that Starbucks is the only cafe from which anyone who is anyone must buy one’s coffee. Starbucks, truly a place for the cultural and coffee elite, consistently attracts three intriguingly eccentric and completely loyal customers of both sharp wit and fine intellect: the female Women’s Studies major, the flagrant homosexual male, and the out-of-place conservative. Indisputably the most dynamic and learned of Starbuck’s usual patrons is the female Women’s Studies major. Although the perpetuation of stereotypes is a most egregious aggression against all sense and sagacity, it is well known and
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