Sex Lies And Conversation By Deborah Tannen

Deborah Tannen and William Lutz both discuss the difficulty of communicating. Their point of views may be different, but their conclusion is the same. Men and women have difficulties of communicating. Not because the two genders want to be complicated but simply because we don’t realize how or what we’re doing when it’s happening.

In the video lecture presented by Deborah Tannen, He Said, She Said, Tannen emphasizes that men and women grow up in very different social worlds. When boys grow up, they learn that there is often going to be an inequality of force in any conversation. For girls, however, they feel that equality is very important and that it needs to be enforced through sympathy-based bonding. As adults, these different messages behind socialization can often lead to confusion, miscommunication, and, sometimes, hurt feelings. Tannen explores the difficulties of cross-gender communication and how we can overcome them by understanding where these conversational rituals come from. As a reflection on Tannen’s lecture, this paper will analyze how the different developments of boys and girls lead to the different views men and women have on the world. First of all, childhood and friendship is perceived differently by each gender.

The methods in which men and women communicate are eminently different. This being so, their external state is an indicator of their inner state, but men and women have different external states to express themselves. This is especially evident among children and individuals in relationships, and altered between a couple who tries to adjust their behavior. Deborah Tannen, the author of “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” argues that boys are girls are taught to have a differ inner state, that males and females usually have the same inner state but express them differently when communicating, and that individuals in romantic relationships can alter the way they present their outer state to represent their inner state in a way their partner can relate to.

In today’s American society, lying has become something that we are accustomed to using almost every day without even realizing it. In “The Ways We Lie”, Stephanie Ericsson, screenwriter, advertising copywriter, and writer, elaborates on the act of lying and how it is used by everyone on a daily basis. She comes up with a list of the common, different kinds of lies that we all have told. Furthermore, the text goes in depth about the significance of lying and how it is an essential part of every human’s life. Ericsson’s essay effectively conveys this idea through the use of pathos, logos, ethos, personal examples, rhetorical questions, and analogies which helps the reader better understand the reasoning behind lies and how it affects our

In the essay The Ways We Lie, author Stephanie Ericsson writes in depth about the different types of lies used by most people everyday. While listing examples of them, Ericsson questions her own experiences with lying and whether or not it was appropriate. By using hypothetical situations, true accounts, and personal occurrences, she highlights the moral conflicts and consequences that are a result of harmless fibs or impactful deceptions. In an essay detailing the lies told to ourselves and others, Ericsson points out one bold truth; everyone lies. Through her writing, Ericsson causes the reader to look into how they’ve lied in the past and how to effects others and the general greater good of society.

In “Sex, Lies and Conversation” Deborah Tannen argues that the problems of men and women in marriage are caused by a misunderstanding rather than lack of communication. Throughout the passage she discusses theses misunderstandings and reveals the solution to the problem.

A short essay “ Guys vs. “Men” written by Dave Barry, presents Dave’s perception on the difference between “Guys” and “Men”. Dave presents his essay in a comical way that generalizes the “men” vs. “guys” and also gender biased generalization. Dave argues that men hold too much of responsibilities and many expectations in which guys do not and they live happier life. One of the methods he uses to support his argument is a comparison. Other method he uses is the description of how he views “men” vs. “guys” and gives his perspective. And the last method he uses to further his argument is the use of hyperbole, exaggeration through out the essay.

This article by Deborah Tannen, written in 1990, addresses the differences between the communication styles of men and women and some of the ensuing problems that arise from these divergent behaviors. The article asserts "that although men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage" (p. 474). Research indicates that a majority of women state a lack of communication as the reason for seeking divorce as compared to only a few of the men. With the divorce rate at 50 percent the author says there is a "virtual epidemic of failed conversation" (p. 474) in America.

In Dave Barry’s article “We’ve Got the Dirt on Guy Brains” and the Deborah Tannen’s “Sex, Lies, and Conversation” , the authors discussed the difference between men and women in terms of specific issues. However, their opinions of what reasons have led to certain differences diverged. This essay aimed at providing a detailed examination of both articles by comparing some of the points. First of all, I will discuss the shared point of both articles regarding the differences of men and women. Then the I will move on taking about the major different opinions the two authors held. Once these have been done, a brief examination of the the evidence in both articles.

In the essay Sex, Lies, and Conversation Deborah Tannen focuses on the differences and lack of communication between men and women though observations. She came to the conclusion that men were not lacking in their listening, but they were however listening in a different way than the women did. On the other hand, men aren’t the only people that have terrible communication skills. In many ways, these differences between the two genders can cause major conflict when not understood by the opposite side. A few examples of lack of communication may be when women don’t decide where they would like to eat, men who walk away from an argument rather than talking it out, and their decision making processes.

Bailey, Beth. Sex in the Heartland. Cambridge, Massachusetts, and London, England: Harvard University Press, 1999.

In understanding the way that conversation affects couples later in life, we must examine the past. In the article Tannen explains that males seem to think that in conversation, the female is only trying to interrupt and express her own points of view. While the male is seemingly not interested in what the other has to say. I believe this all is a matter of perspective. Tannen also explains how females see conversation as a means of emotional rapport, rather than just sorting through the events of the week. In comparison to my personal experiences, this seems to be true in may aspects. I for one have a hard time staring at a girls face when talking, especially if I don't even know the girl. This must be true in some way during marriage, I know that I am paying attention but I just can't seem to stay focused on the face. As a matter of fact, even when I'm conversing with my guy friends, I still can't focus on the face. I don't know, I guess this is one of those default characteristics. This doesn't mean I'm not paying full attention. I can see how this may cause conflict during the latter years of marriage and so on. Just how Tannen described the college couple about the guy that covered his face and seemed to fall asleep.

Chapter two, “Asymmetries: Women and Men Talking at Cross-purposes.” Tannen quotes “I’ll fix it for you.” (page51). Which is actually a sub-category of the book. I do agree with this quote because women and men are both frequently irritated by the other’s way of reacting to their troubles.

In his play, “The Respectful Prostitute,” Jean-Paul Sartre illustrates racism in the south. He draws a picture of what a crime might look like, and shows how character’s reactions create pressure to act the same. He depicts a crime and the unwitting scapegoats on a train bound for the South.

William Masters and Virginia Johnson took human sexuality to a new level that some people of their time were not ready for. They did Studies of masturbation, sex with partners that were known to each other and some that were considered strangers. With the findings it suggested that Masters and Johnson discovered what arousal is, the stages it goes through, and what it takes to get there. Masters and Johnson not only heterosexual but homosexuals too. They wanted to know if there was a difference in the out comes. With the new Showtime series called “Masters of Sex” it really portrays the work that Dr. Masters and his colleague Ms. Johnson believed in, how they fought for the study and what they went through to give us all the insight on human sexuality.