Sex Lies And Conversation Deborah Tannen Summary

Tannen effectively opens with an anecdote about how she was at a gathering for a women’s group and men were invited. She talks about how one guy was very talkative, offering ideas and telling stories, while his wife was sitting in silence. Towards the end of the evening Tannen commented that “women frequently complain that their husbands don’t talk to them”. The man quickly agreed with Tannen and admitted that his wife was the talker in their family and if it weren’t for

This article by Deborah Tannen, written in 1990, addresses the differences between the communication styles of men and women and some of the ensuing problems that arise from these divergent behaviors. The article asserts "that although men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage" (p. 474). Research indicates that a majority of women state a lack of communication as the reason for seeking divorce as compared to only a few of the men. With the divorce rate at 50 percent the author says there is a "virtual epidemic of failed conversation" (p. 474) in America.

In Dave Barry’s article “We’ve Got the Dirt on Guy Brains” and the Deborah Tannen’s “Sex, Lies, and Conversation” , the authors discussed the difference between men and women in terms of specific issues. However, their opinions of what reasons have led to certain differences diverged. This essay aimed at providing a detailed examination of both articles by comparing some of the points. First of all, I will discuss the shared point of both articles regarding the differences of men and women. Then the I will move on taking about the major different opinions the two authors held. Once these have been done, a brief examination of the the evidence in both articles.

In the essay Sex, Lies, and Conversation Deborah Tannen focuses on the differences and lack of communication between men and women though observations. She came to the conclusion that men were not lacking in their listening, but they were however listening in a different way than the women did. On the other hand, men aren’t the only people that have terrible communication skills. In many ways, these differences between the two genders can cause major conflict when not understood by the opposite side. A few examples of lack of communication may be when women don’t decide where they would like to eat, men who walk away from an argument rather than talking it out, and their decision making processes.

Professor Deborah Tannen wrote an essay entitled Sex, Lies, and Conversation. In the essay, Tannen states that men and women have different ways of communicating in a relationship(422). For women, she claims communication is very intimate; they want to know what their spouse is thinking or how they're feeling (422). She argues that men don't seem to think communication is that important unless it's in a public setting (421). Tannen also claims that some women feel alienated when they think men aren't listening. She argues that men tend to not fully focus on the conversation, while women would rather have a more engaging conversation.

“Are you even listening to me?” I’m sure majority of men know of that exact quote and have listened to it coming from a loved one’s mouth. In “Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?”, Deborah Tannen talks about the ways men and women talk to same and opposite sex. Tannen especially talks about how women perceive to think men are not listening at all, but they truly are listening in different ways than expected. The topic of men not listening started when Tannen was addressing a small group of people in Virginia living room and a gentlemen attempts to explain that his quiet wife was the “talkative” one in the family when he has been the “talkative” one at this gathering.

Knowing how the opposite sex communicates enables one to solve relationship problems. Deborah Tannen, an author, earned a PhD in linguistics at the University of California in 1979. She is very well known by her research she has done on how people of different genders communicate with each other. Tannen wrote an essay “Sex, Lies and Conversation” to help solve communication and relationship problems. In this essay, Tannen provides three main points: linguistic battle of the sexes, listening to body language, and the sounds of silence.

Based on my own observations of male-female communication, Deborah Tannen, the author of “Sex, lies, and Conversation”, has expresses accurately the actual communicated problems that most of men and women have in her analysis. Although, her analysis does not include all type of men and women in the world. In my country, women are tricky and smart, they know how to make men listen to their story, but women also dislike when men give them a different point of view. Women are the selfish creature that everyone knows but never say it out. Additionally, men in my country, do not do such as close their eyes or look at another object while talking to their friend or partner. It shows as disrespect. Most of the Asian nations verily attach much importance

Men and Women have different roles and cultures, and differences usually bring difficulty to understand each other. In article “Six Ways Men and Women Communicate”, Drobuck explains dissimilarity between males and females’ ways of communication. He writes “Men and Women desire to satisfy their partners, but they may miss the mark because it is truly difficult to understand and accept our partner’s different ways of communication.” Men are eager to figure out problems when they hear concerns from a partner. Furthermore, they like to have and focus on purpose of conversation. On the other hand, women are more likely to share emotions or make bond of sympathy. During conversation, women want to understand the partner’s feeling, and get rid of

2- While women are usually perceived as a more sensitive communicator in a given relationship, in Amato and Previti (2003), they rated “lack of communication” less far away (6.1%) than men (13%). How could this ironic situation be understood? (p. 346).

Although I already knew that most women are considerably “chattier” than men, it was intriguing to find out that constantly talking may be a form of social grooming. Although I am consciously aware that

The other element Tannen found important to conversation was topical cohesion, being “how speakers introduce and develop topics in relation to their own and others ' prior and projected talk,” (“Gender Differences in Conversational Coherence” 168). In this, the women were quick to find topics to talk about. Their conversations were personal, even at a young age. They talked about few topics, but expanded on them all. Men were, again, completely different. They talked about many topics and had a hard time finding something to talk about from the beginning. Once they did find something to talk about, they talked about it in the abstract instead of making the conversation personal. (“Gender Differences in Conversational Coherence” 180-203).

One of the main topics this book focuses on is the social aspect of relationships, regarding parent to child, parent to parent, and child to peer. In the psychology 135 class there has been discussion in regards to importance and significance of having healthy or open communication in relationships. An important concept that has been discussed when it comes to communication in gender differences is report vs. rapport. According to the course text, Marriages, Families, & Relationships: Making Choices in a Diverse Society by Mary Ann Lamanna and Agnes Riedmann, Report talk is what men typically engage in which is mainly aimed at conveying information, Rapport is what women usually engage in by speaking to gain or reinforce intimacy or connection with others (Lamanna 328). In other words report is used in order to gain a solution while rapport is used to gain or foster intimacy. When connecting this information to

Discrepancies in each other’s communication styles cause problems. The importance of communication is undeniable. Any relationship needs it, verbal and nonverbal, to be compatible. Children create social tendencies as that lay a foundation for how they behave for the entirety of their lives. Men and women are different, but not as much as the author portrays. Tannen speaks in many generalities without considering the possibility that both genders have the same problems. Although relationships between men and women can work out and become beautiful families, there are conversational indifferences that cause difficulty in communication.

In "Sex, Lies and Conversation; Why is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other," etymologist Deborah Tannen contends that the issues of men and ladies in marriage regularly come from the way that they misjudge what the other individual is truly attempting to say. Tannen noticed that her own particular exploration inferred that ladies' most continuous grievance in marriage was that their spouses did not hear them out, but rather that when she analyzed genuine discussions, she found that the issue was not that men don't tune in, but rather that they listen in an unexpected way.