Sex Lies And Conversation Deborah Tannen Summary

Deborah Tannen and William Lutz both discuss the difficulty of communicating. Their point of views may be different, but their conclusion is the same. Men and women have difficulties of communicating. Not because the two genders want to be complicated but simply because we don’t realize how or what we’re doing when it’s happening.

While boys focus more on status in conversation, girls tend to concentrate on emotional connection and sympathetic sameness. Early on, boys tend to realize that there is always going to be a dominant position and a subordinate position in communication. Because of this, boys will aim to be the dominating person, or at least not the subordinate. This can be seen in competitive games where little boys try to outdo each other by saying that they have or that they are the best. When these same boys grow up, this importance of status becomes embedded into their heads so that

Did you know, “men and women talk differently because they are raised in something like two different cultures: a male culture from which young men learn to speak like men and a female culture in which young women learn to speak like women?”(Cooper and MacDonald 9). Well, not actually from two separate cultures, but the idea of men and women being opposites as pointed out in the opening. Deborah Tannen has made her theory that a male culture and female culture each exist, very popular with the human population and has written an extensive book on her theory.

To truly understand the problem, Tannen reveals that one would have to understand the different personalities in both men and women and how they act. Tannen illustrates that boys have a personality that most girls don’t really understand. She reveals that, “Boys are based on less talking, and more on doing things together. Boys’ groups are larger, more inclusive, and more hierarchical, so it makes them struggle to avoid the subordinate position in the group” (Tannen 409). She emphasizes that this could very likely be a reason why women complain that men don’t listen to them. Men don’t really like to listen, because it makes them feel low and unimportant. In the case for women, women are more talkative than men. “For women, intimacy is the fabric of relationships, and talk is the thread from which it is woven” (Tannen 409). To women, communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Women like to express their feelings more and get support from their listeners. In her experiment, with second and sixth grade boys and girls, she observed how girls tended to share stories and talk about the problems they had. The boys, on the other hand, would tease, tell jokes, and talk about many topics over the period of time. The boys had a tendency to jump from topic to topic many times. However, women see this as a sign of not listening

She found that at every age, girls and women faced each other directly. On the other side of things, she noticed that at every age, boys and men sat at angles to each other and looked elsewhere in the room. Tannen demonstrates this when she gives the example of a woman in college who was frustrated because every time she would try and talk to her boyfriend he would lay down and put his arm over his face. This signaled that he was taking a nap, but he insisted that it was the only way he could listen without being distracted. Tannen follows by saying, “I believe these systematic differences in childhood socialization make talk between men and women like cross-cultural communication, heir to all the attraction and pitfalls of that enticing but difficult enterprise”. She backs her claim by discussing a research she discovered in an issue of American Psychologist. The research revealed that children’s development is most influenced by the social structure of peer interactions. The research later showed boys and girls tend to play with children of their own gender, and their sex-separate groups have different organizational structures and interactive

The first difference is how they listen to people talking. Women love to make “listener noises such as ‘mhm,’ ‘uhuh,’ and ‘yeah.’” They do this to show “I’m with you” (Tannen332). On the other hand, men listen in silence. When men are silent it usually is because they are trying to interpret the information. Another reason for a men’s silence is when they go into their “cave” because they are upset or stressed. Women misinterpret a man’s silence and they imagine horrible things such as “he hates me, he doesn’t love me, he is leaving me forever.” A women’s silence means what she’s about to say is going to hurt them or she doesn’t want to talk to them. If they can realize they have different ways of communicating then there wouldn’t be many worries or

The article traces the origins of this phenomenon to childhood, where young boys and young girls tend to play exclusively within their own gender. Children's development is most influenced by the social structure of peer interactions. The differences in childhood socialization result in a lack of understanding of the communication styles of the sexes. Boys and girls bond differently.

In "Sex, Lies and Conversation" Deborah Tannen, linguistics professor at Georgetown University, explains the discrepancies between female and male mechanics of conversation: females tend to converse while facing one another and respond with supportive remarks; males tend to converse while looking away from one another and respond with dismissive remarks. According to Tannen, such discrepancies arose from childhood development and socialization. Because females developed bonds through conversation from a young age, they often express their feelings and thoughts with others. Males, however, developed bonds less dependent of socialization, but rather through the participation of various activities as children. Therefore, females developed the

In the Article Sex, lies and conversation, Deborah Tannen asserts that men and women communicate differently because of their different training. One of the many things that can lead to miscommunication is divorce during her argument she provides us the trend of the divorce rate. She also mentions that Men and Women communicate differently, because they have different goals, body Language and how they were raised, and lastly when it comes to communicating women show more character when communicating like eye contact, and the fully attention. The evidence of her case is backed up by several other authors who also support that communication is different between men and women the authors’ point of view and their research that Tannen uses to prove

In the essay Sex, Lies, and Conversation Deborah Tannen focuses on the differences and lack of communication between men and women though observations. She came to the conclusion that men were not lacking in their listening, but they were however listening in a different way than the women did. On the other hand, men aren’t the only people that have terrible communication skills. In many ways, these differences between the two genders can cause major conflict when not understood by the opposite side. A few examples of lack of communication may be when women don’t decide where they would like to eat, men who walk away from an argument rather than talking it out, and their decision making processes.

o men talk more than women in a classroom setting? In “How Male and Female

Deborah Tannen is the author of Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other. Deborah Tannen is a woman who researches the relationships between men and women. She has not only conducted research but also has information to support her view. In her essay Deborah Tannen argues complications happen in marriages/relationships due to individuals not being able to communicate with each other properly.

Male and female differ in their use of communication because their reasons for communicating are different. Men

In order to be able to solve some of the problems associated with gender miscommunications, we should distinguish first between the two different types of communications: verbal communication and nonverbal communication. Verbal communication consists of messages expressed by linguistic means such as the use of intonation, the specific words we choose to say, and the way we are saying them. There are differences in females and males usage of language/verbal communication. As we might expect from traditional sex-role stereotypes, girls tend to establish more egalitarian same-sex groups. Girls use friendly groups as a training ground for cooperation. Boys view friendly conversation among their friends as training for verbal aggression. Females are more verbal, use three times more amount of words than males, they are much more descriptive and use more adjectives. Women are less direct in their communication style. As Prof. Tannen showed in one of her research, women are more indirect in answering questions depends on the situation. They answer questions the way they would like to be answered by men, which means more than just a yes/no answer. However, men answer the way they would like to be answered

The theory that differences are fabricated early in a child’s life and are not biological doesn’t account for everything. David Cohen, in his article regarding Tannen’s findings points out a mystery in the connections she made. "Since women are primarily responsible for child-rearing and therefore disproportionately responsible for teaching the species to speak, when is it that boys learn to speak in the male style?"