Sex Lies And Conversation Essay

Nora is introduced as a housewife who believes the true meaning of marriage revolving around obedience. She demonstrates the true definition of a respectful daughter, a faithful and obedient wife, and a dependable mother. It wasn’t unusual for Torvald to throw his weight around towards Nora. He attempts to limit her macaroon intake “Hasn’t nibbled some pastry,” (Ibsen 788) she replies, “You know I could never think of going against you” (Ibsen 788). In the eyes of Nora, he is considered a confident, powerful, and successful businessman since he is receiving a promotion as a bank manager after the New Year. Torvald’s sense of marriage can be summed up that he is the king of the castle “This is the way it should be my darling Nora. What-ever comes, you’ll see: when it really counts, I have strength and courage enough as a man to take the whole weight myself” (Ibsen 814). Torvald’s view is she is just a “doll” in his doll house. To him, it was important to stress there was no such thing as equality in their partnership, he

The first thing that comes to my mind when reading an article like this is, "Has this writer maybe encountered frustrating situations like this before?", or "Is the writer possibly trying to express personal emotions in the topic discussed?" Whatever the case may be, the point she is trying to make is clear to me. It is the events and relationships that happen early on in life that may interfere and have effect on the intimate relationships that occur later on in life. This holds some truth in my opinion, and must be examined carefully to make sure and read between all the lines. Let us not neglect important detail and variables.

Another function that Dr. Rank serves is that of reflecting upon the true personalities of Nora and Torvald. Rank's friendship with Nora and Torvald is thought to be the same, yet they are independently different. Nora is able to talk more seriously with Rank then she is with Torvald. This aspect of Rank's friendship with Nora becomes evident in her statement:

In communication, it's hard to understand all the things that another person says even they're the same gender, and it's more difficult for women and men to talk to each other. That is one of the biggest problem for every family. In fact, Deborah Tannen wrote "Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?," and John Gray wrote "Speaking different languages", these articles said about the way women and men communicate. For example, in Tannen's article, she tells us : "This episode crystallize the irony that although American men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage.(p.329)"

The most important thing people need to realize is that men and women come from different worlds. Women’s way of communicating is like living on the beach, open and carefree. Men’s way of communication, on the other hand, is the opposite. It is like living in a cave, quiet and cooped up. Accepting that there are differences, such as the way men and women listen, act, and sometimes the level of emotions expressed will help each understand how to communicate better with one another. Noted linguist, Dr. Deborah Tannen, studied this problem. In her article, “Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why It’s So Hard For Men And Women to Talk to Each Other?” She explains the differences, and shows how problems go away once the differences are understood. If everyone would learn these differences, life would be so much easier.

“Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” by Deborah Tannen, very clearly outlined many of the problems in communication between genders. Men and women are raised differently and understand the world in different, yet similar, ways. Reading this article gave me great pleasure in that it verified what I’ve observed in the world. Men and women do not communicate the same. Physically, men and women converse in different ways such as men appearing to be distracted vocally and attention-wise, while women stick to one topic in great detail while holding eye-contact (Tannen, 1990). This distracted appearance makes women assume men aren’t paying attention, but the “‘participatory listenership’ is often perceived by men as interruption, intrusion and lack of attention,”

Further into the play, it can be seen how Nora feels comfortable in Rank's presence and shares insight on personal details about herself that she would think twice before sharing with Torvald. At one point in the play, she admits to Dr. Rank: "Torvald is very like being with papa." (196), which shows how Nora is completely herself around Rank's company-and how Rank treats her with dignity, something that lacks in Torvald's treatment of her. This quote also contributes to the theme of honour as she does not wish to further dishonour Torvald any more than she already has, as honour is of overwhelming importance to Torvald and it is what motivates his behaviour towards Nora in the first place. Therefore, Nora does not feel comfortable enough to

Nora begins to confide in Dr. Rank because she feels she can trust him with any secrets. Nora knows that she cannot go to her husband and communicate with him because Helmer will blow up on her. Nora says “But I often talk about things like that with Dr. Rank because he listens to me.” How can a wife say that about another man? Nora talks to Dr. Rank about her secrets that have come up because she knows Dr. Rank will listen to her unlike Helmer. Dr. Rank portrays that he is jealous of Mrs. Linde, Nora’s friend. Dr. Rank does not like the fact that she comes over everyday just to sit and talk with Nora. Nora says “I know you are my best friend, my truest friend.” Nora is deeply connected with Dr. Rank. Nora feels completely open and forward with Dr. Rank unlike her husband. Helmer tends to be possessive and strict over the things she does.

Mrs. Linde has been changed by her life experiences while Nora’s questioning is very childlike. Mrs. Linde’s status as a widow and much more wisdom adds to the impression that she is much older than Nora. Nora is childishly impolite. Mrs. Linde is in a bad situation because the death of her husband, yet instead of listening to her Nora begins to brag about her and Torvalds’s good life together.

Urban, critiques how Nora was affected by gender role, and how gender role was an obstacle to her personal fulfillment. In his critiques he stated that “Most theater productions treat the play as Nora, using minor characters as foils for a leading actress”(Urban). Meaning that theater productions do not consider Nora’s character seriously. Indeed Urban criticizes that Nora chose Torvald by an intellectual rather than an emotional process. Which proof that back then women get married with a man, they even love, just as a cause of how society expected. Then female's feelings weren't into consideration, they have to marry someone they don't love, neither to fit into a social status or because that’s the way they were tough it should be. Urban emphases that Nora was a victim of her gender role “You see, there are some people that one loves, and others that one would rather be with.” She knows that she does not love Torvald, nor he her. However, Nora is really in love with Dr.Rank, “She finds Dr. Rank good company,sexually attractive, and most importantly, a true friend to whom she can open her soul with few reservations”.which make the situation even worse. As cause then women cannot ask for a divorce. Divorce was seen as a moral everyone must follow. Not to mention that Torvald is way older than Nora, Urban says “ She can see that physical attraction will not hold him much longer”. Another hint that lets the reader see that Nora is not truly in love with Torvald, he’s older than her. Besides Nora has morals and respect to herself as Urban says “Other women in Nora’s situation could easily become the doctor’s mistress-Nora suggest to Kristina that some “admirer” might give her presents- but Nora was still feeling a deep obligation to Torvald for having saved her father, and she was, after all, his wife”(Urban). His opinion about Nora, says a lot about her. Although Nora’s not in love with Torvald,

He asks her, “Miserable creature--what have you done? (175). He doesn’t recognize her explanation. He is just worried about his reputation. “Now you have destroyed all my happiness (175). That shows that he just worried about his honour and his future. On the other hand, Nora’s reaction after all is very brave. Even though living a independent life is very difficult, specially for women, she still decides to leave Torvald. Besides her braveness, she is also very kind. Although Nora haven’t seen Mrs. Linde for a long time, Nora still helps her without hesitation by influencing her husband to give her one position in the bank. If she didn’t help Mrs. Linde, she would not replace Krogstad’s position, and Krogstad would not blackmail her. In addition, Nora is very innocent. when she is blackmailed by Krogstad, she wants to ask Dr. Rank for help. However, when she finds out that he loves her, she decides to not ask for his help anyone. She doesn’t want to cheap on her husband because she really loves her him. After all, Nora is a good wife and mother.

Following the theme of lies, deceit, and family from to original play – this scene is set in a different time period showing the conflict caused by lies in relationships today. Torvald – in keeping with the play – is a representation of the modern typical man as he was in ‘A Doll’s House’. Ms Linde’s part offers insight into the relationship between Nora and Torvald, and as someone who doesn’t think that what Nora is doing is the right thing. As in the play, Nora lies out of love for her husband and is desperately trying to hold the marriage together.

Torvald is a good husband, but he treats Nora merely as a pretty doll. Moreover, Torvald is also the money provider of the family, which gives him even more power and pride. However, Nora’s husband does not expect her to be independent or thoughtful. It seems that Torvald even enjoys Nora is being dependent and childish, so he can keep his pride and control over Nora. Due to Nora’s dependency and Torvald’s domination, an equal relationship does not exist in their marriage. Especially on the act III, during their last intense argue, Torvald even says, “You are out of your mind! I won't allow it! I forbid you!” (Ibsen, Act III, 658). This also reflects on the marriage situations in the society of the nineteenth century. Generally, the women were no more than an accessory, or a doll to the men. Husband nearly listened to their wives’ thoughts and had a deep conversation with them.

Torvald tries to make everything Nora does about him, completely disregarding his wife’s opinions and feelings so that his reputation as a successful banker will not be jeopardized. Nora originally does not see any fault in his patriarchal commands, after all these actions were anything but fresh to her after living with her father for so many years. This quote spoken by Nora to Doctor Rank. " ...surely you can understand that being with Torvald is a little like being with papa" (41). Nora is saying here that she believes living with her husband is just like living with her father.

Mr. Rank, on the other hand, is helpful in understanding Mr. Helmer. Through out the play Torvald plays a very controlling husband, who treats his wife like his little “doll”. He likes her to dress up and makes her dance for him. And if she does this he will reward his “sweet little spendthrift” with treats like little allowances (1.47). Mr. Rank, on the contrary, is in love with Nora, and treats her as more of an equal. He can have conversations with her, and talks to her with more dignity and respect. We see this when Nora reminds Torvald that through out their entire marriage they had not “exchanged a word on any serious subject” (3.274). Mr. Rank, on the other hand, has many meaningful conversations with her and he enjoys them. He plays the man, who would be the better husband for Nora, because he could truly love her. When Nora is in trouble with the money that she owes Krogstad, she tells Christine that “a man can put a thing like that straight much easier than a woman” (2.70). However, she is by