In the article, “Sex Lies and Conversation; Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” author Deborah Tannen, argues that the culture differences in males and females communication, both expect differences in their partners communication which cause damaged marriages. First Tannen mentions, communication in marriage is difficult due to the fact that males and females have come from different cultures. Then Tannen argues, that women expect more intimacy by way of conversation and men share activities in order to gain in their same sex friendships. Tannen also argues that men tend to switch topics often, not concentrating so much on depth as on breadth, not taking turns on same topic; women establish intimacy by diving deeper on a few topics. The author states, male relationships are “agonistic” (Tannen), trying to one up; female relationships are not that way, as they seek equality instead. Finally Tannen, suggests that there are solutions: awareness is key in a cross-cultured communication. (Tannen) While there are some elements to her argument that may generalize too much, in the end, I do find myself convinced by Tannen’s case. On the one hand, Tannen’s logic maybe problematic, as she assumes that communication is the heart of the greatest marital problems. Even though this was in written in 1990 many aspect of marital problems have risen, into many different problems. For instance, marriage does not always end due to the lack of communication, anything
Deborah Tannen and William Lutz both discuss the difficulty of communicating. Their point of views may be different, but their conclusion is the same. Men and women have difficulties of communicating. Not because the two genders want to be complicated but simply because we don’t realize how or what we’re doing when it’s happening.
The methods in which men and women communicate are eminently different. This being so, their external state is an indicator of their inner state, but men and women have different external states to express themselves. This is especially evident among children and individuals in relationships, and altered between a couple who tries to adjust their behavior. Deborah Tannen, the author of “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” argues that boys are girls are taught to have a differ inner state, that males and females usually have the same inner state but express them differently when communicating, and that individuals in romantic relationships can alter the way they present their outer state to represent their inner state in a way their partner can relate to.
Tannen’s section entitled independence vs. intimacy pertains to the idea that women often seek intimacy whereas men seek to remain somewhat independent. When a man’s high school friend informed him that he would be in town, he invited the friend to stay with him and his wife. The husband later told his wife that his friend would be staying with them and the wife became upset because the husband had not consulted her. The idea that men seek independence is related to man’s expectations of being tough. If a man is forced to consult his wife on his actions he is left feeling quite vulnerable because other men may say that he is controlled by his wife. Women seek intimacy for the same reason that they seek support. The woman does not want her husband to consult her so she can control him; she merely wants to feel included in the decision. The section orders vs. proposals is very closely related to independence vs. intimacy. In orders vs. proposals a woman made a suggestion to do something but started the suggestion with “Let’s”. The man that she suggested this to responded resentfully. The reason that he responded resentfully is closely related to man’s inclination towards independence. The man felt as though he was being ordered to do something and
Lack of communication is a main reason Mr. and Mrs. Das are suffering from a loveless marriage. The importance of communication and marriage go hand-in-hand.
In “Sex, Lies and Conversation” Deborah Tannen argues that the problems of men and women in marriage are caused by a misunderstanding rather than lack of communication. Throughout the passage she discusses theses misunderstandings and reveals the solution to the problem.
In “Man to Man, Woman to Woman”, M. Sherman and A. Hass explain the problem of male –female communication through the research. They passed a questionnaire to 160 women and 110 men asking them that how often they talk about the topic listed on the questionnaire with friends of the same sex. From the responses of the questionnaire, they wrote this article. They said that the men reported talking about sports, current events, music, whereas women reported talking about relationship problems, health, family, reproductive concerns, weight, food, and clothing. They come up with the conclusions that both men and women don’t have to adopt other’s style, but they have to recognize and respect other’s style. Well, it seems like Sherman’s and Hass’s article can really tell us accurate information than that of Maynard’s article. “Man to Man, Woman to Woman” is based on the majority view and not one person’s view like “His Talk, Her Talk”. “Man to Man, Woman to Woman” is based on the survey, so the newlyweds would be able to understand better because now-a-days people like data from research, they like exact numbers. Moreover, the survey done by Hass and Sherman leads us to the conclusion that the difference in topics is not so damaging to intimate male-female relationships as are the differences in the style and function of conversation. J. Maynard’s data are merely based on her own life experiences. Some people may not believe in one person’s
Over seven billion people living on earth we are all diverse in our characteristics. We live in societies made up with laws and don’t have the freedom to exploit another person right. People who disobey laws and misuses another person rights are known as morally sick and selfish. They never bear the shame of their actions and always fails to understand others. While laws only ensure peace in a society, families that makes a society needs better understanding between a husband and a wife. Now with divorce rate that is growing higher by each year, Sociologists and psychologists are pointing many aspects and actions of couple that must be taken into consideration before we expect a happy life. Among them “Mark Karpel”, “Abraham Maslow” and
This article by Deborah Tannen, written in 1990, addresses the differences between the communication styles of men and women and some of the ensuing problems that arise from these divergent behaviors. The article asserts "that although men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage" (p. 474). Research indicates that a majority of women state a lack of communication as the reason for seeking divorce as compared to only a few of the men. With the divorce rate at 50 percent the author says there is a "virtual epidemic of failed conversation" (p. 474) in America.
From what I gathered Tannen’s purpose was for us to comprehend the importance of communication in the work field. How the simplest verbal functions can be interpreted in many different ways. “Conversation is a ritual” I find so much meaning behind these four simple words, the article in its entirety are summed up by these word. Tannen wants to enlighten us to remember that our words are powerful. I believe she wants us to take back control over what we say. We are as infants and Deborah is as our mother, giving us our first words. Not to mention it seems as if she wants to open up the doors for men and women not only in the work place but in their
In Tannen’s book, she starts off by addressing the differences between men and women conversate, then shifts her attention to offer a solution towards the end of the book. In chapters one through nine, Tannen tells the reader of the differences in conversation men and women have, and how they came to be. One example is the goals men and women have in life. Men’s goal in life is to strive for independence in conversation, and avoid failure, which according to Tannen mean that they come up with their own ideas, not following others. While the goal for women is to try and preserve intimacy. In order to receive affection, women try to find similarities in each other. Tannen thinks this occurs because boys are taught to compete when playing games in the play yard, and women are taught to stick together and socialize. Throughout the book Tannen shows characteristics that men and women and how they are different. At the end of the book Tannen tells the reader that although there are many differences between both genders, and it may be hard to understand each other in conversation, it is possible. According to Tannen by understand these differences one will be able to recognize them in conversation, and understand what the other person is trying to say, or realize why they said that. The chapters appear this way because before Tannen can come up with solution to get men and women to better understand the misunderstandings that occur, she has to inform
A raise of the eyebrow, the rolling of the eyes, the smack of the lips, the dramatic stare out the window…wait for it… the oh so pitiful watering of the eyes…and before you men are able to ask what is wrong, you are sucker punched with “Why don’t you ever listen to me?”, and now you are absolutely, most utterly confused, and do not even know what in the world you did wrong. I will admit, I have played out this scene a few times (A little more than a few), but it seems to me that doing so, was the only way for me to get my boyfriend to listen to me, like really listen to me. That was until I read Deborah Tannen’s “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why is it so Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” It was then, that I was able to take a
Deborah Tannen is the author of Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other. Deborah Tannen is a woman who researches the relationships between men and women. She has not only conducted research but also has information to support her view. In her essay Deborah Tannen argues complications happen in marriages/relationships due to individuals not being able to communicate with each other properly.
This conflict affected Linda and Josh perhaps more so than another couple because it hit their primary concerns. Linda was hurt because she felt Josh didn't care as much about her as she did for him. And Josh was hurt because he felt that Linda was trying to control him, and limit his freedom. Many women feel that it is expected for them to consult with their partners at every turn, while men automatically make more decisions without asking their partners. Women may try to initiate a relaxed conversation by asking "What do you think?" while men may feel that they are being forced to decide. Tannen states that communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence. To survive we need to act with concern for others but also survive for ourselves.
In conclusion, my response to Tannen’s book so far is that she, without a doubt sparked a revolution in the general understanding of sociolinguistics. Her book addresses to both women and men; but in reality, the book targets male and female relationships and uses telling examples and observations to stunningly demonstrate how even in the closest of relationships women and men live in different worlds made of different words. Overall, Tannen has become a sort of guru to the masses by suggesting that the battle of the sexes is a mistake. A feminist, she nevertheless writes about emotionally laden issues dispassionately - and her balanced approach has won her fans of both
What do we do if we meet someone from another culture and we want to