Sex, Love and Conversation

Deborah Tannen and William Lutz both discuss the difficulty of communicating. Their point of views may be different, but their conclusion is the same. Men and women have difficulties of communicating. Not because the two genders want to be complicated but simply because we don’t realize how or what we’re doing when it’s happening.

Effective communication is one of the most important things to maintain a happy relationship. Communication will help to create a better atmosphere and to know what are the interests, thoughts and feelings of your loved one. All romantic relationships need a lot of communications from both sides. The main factor is interpersonal communication, which couples are able to overlap environments and create a relationship. We reviewed the movie “The Breakup” and have found the concepts of Integrating, differentiating, and terminating. This movie shows how ineffective communication can dissolve a relationship. The lack of communication is the main factor why Brooke and Gary break up. This couple tends to rely on other people instead

The methods in which men and women communicate are eminently different. This being so, their external state is an indicator of their inner state, but men and women have different external states to express themselves. This is especially evident among children and individuals in relationships, and altered between a couple who tries to adjust their behavior. Deborah Tannen, the author of “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” argues that boys are girls are taught to have a differ inner state, that males and females usually have the same inner state but express them differently when communicating, and that individuals in romantic relationships can alter the way they present their outer state to represent their inner state in a way their partner can relate to.

“The Myth of Co-Parenting; How it Was Supposed to Be. How it Was” by Hope Edelman and “My problem with Her Anger” by Eric Bartels both explain the strain child rearing and lack of communication can put upon a marriage. The two articles describe their personal experiences with this issue, but the authors have differing points of view on the subject. Although they have different perspectives, both Edelman and Bartels explore ideas of traditional gender roles and unrealistic expectations in relationships.

When both involved do not effectively communicate with each other, a distant marriage may lead to discontent for all. Sinclair Ross’s short story, “The Painted Door”, deals with the growing dissatisfaction and loneliness of a farmer’s wife, Ann, who feels alone as her husband deals with the harsh conditions of the environment. This story demonstrates how deeply communication can affect a marriage, be it bad or good. One of the most fundamental elements of a healthy relationship is communication. Lack of communication in a relationship can result to severe consequences. Irrespective of the kind of relationship, lack of communication magnifies issues in a relationship undermining the very foundation of the relationship. The success of any relationship relies on one's ability to communicate well. Communication is important in relationships as it allows us to share our interest, concerns, support each other. John is a simple farmer who thinks the only way he can please his wife, is by working all day to earn money for her. However, Ann would prefer he spend more time with her. Their relationship is stressed even further when Ann is left at home alone with nothing to think about but their relationship because John has to go to his father’s house. The terrible snow storm accentuates Ann’s feelings of loneliness and despair. These feelings lead Ann to seek comfort and companionship from Steven, the attractive friend of her husband, John, thus leading to John's suicide.

There is a staggeringly large amount of divorces in the United States (US). In total, the US had a recorded total of 2,140,272 marriages in the year 2014 alone, and of those marriages, 813,862 ended up in divorce or annulment (Center for Disease Control). This means that as recently as 2014, there was a divorce rate of approximately 40%. This supports the statistics that the divorce rate for the US has stayed within 40-50% since the 1970’s (Austin Institute, 2014). While the numbers themselves are important, it is also important that the causes for the high divorce rate be explored, so that it can be known what pitfalls to avoid when participating in such an important union as marriage. There are many causes of divorce in the US such as conflicting gender roles, socioeconomic status, religious conflicts, physical abuse, emotional abuse, alcohol addictions, and many more (Amato & Previti, 2003). This paper will look at many of these reasons, but it will also focus on the differing reasons reported by men and women.

In “Sex, Lies and Conversation” Deborah Tannen argues that the problems of men and women in marriage are caused by a misunderstanding rather than lack of communication. Throughout the passage she discusses theses misunderstandings and reveals the solution to the problem.

The articles “Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it Hard for Men and Women to Talk to each other” by Deborah Tannen and “Speaking Different Languages” by John Gray are about how men and women often misunderstand each other which causes conflicts and or arguments. When a woman says something it usually has a deeper meaning, but men are usually more direct when speaking; this leads to conflicts and relationship problems. According to Tannen and Gray, men and women can adjust their thinking to minimize misunderstanding by translating each other’s dialect, by understanding their different ways of listening, and different body languages.

This article by Deborah Tannen, written in 1990, addresses the differences between the communication styles of men and women and some of the ensuing problems that arise from these divergent behaviors. The article asserts "that although men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage" (p. 474). Research indicates that a majority of women state a lack of communication as the reason for seeking divorce as compared to only a few of the men. With the divorce rate at 50 percent the author says there is a "virtual epidemic of failed conversation" (p. 474) in America.

In the essay Sex, Lies, and Conversation Deborah Tannen focuses on the differences and lack of communication between men and women though observations. She came to the conclusion that men were not lacking in their listening, but they were however listening in a different way than the women did. On the other hand, men aren’t the only people that have terrible communication skills. In many ways, these differences between the two genders can cause major conflict when not understood by the opposite side. A few examples of lack of communication may be when women don’t decide where they would like to eat, men who walk away from an argument rather than talking it out, and their decision making processes.

“The story of us” is an excellent movie that portrays the roller-coaster of marriage in a humorous and cleaver way. The film reiterates the key concepts we have learned in our interpersonal communication class, in particular chapters ten and eleven on conflict management and improving communication climates. According to Gibb people feel defensive when they perceive that they are under attack. When defensive responses arise in interpersonal communications, it is the relationship itself that becomes defensive. This is evident in the Jordan’s communication patterns, the majority of exchanges between Ben and Katie

On the one hand, Tannen’s logic maybe problematic, as she assumes that communication is the heart of the greatest marital problems. Even though this was in written in 1990 many aspect of marital problems have risen, into many different problems. For instance, marriage does not always end due to the lack of communication, anything

In the first chapter of her book, You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation, Deborah Tannen quotes, "...studies have shown that married couples that live together spend less than half an hour a week talking to each other...". (24) This book is a wonderful tool for couples to use for help in understanding each other. The two things it stresses most is to listen, and to make yourself heard. This book opened my eyes to the relationship I am in now, with a wonderful person, for about four years. It made me realize that most of our little squabble-like fights could have been avoided, if one or the other of us could sit down and

There exists a disparity in the communication phenomenon between men and women. This disparity according to scholars can be attributed to the male dominance in the society today and relationship tensions between couples. A study on cross-sex conversations showed that, when men and women engage in a friendly conversation, they do so as equals but they do not play the same roles in the communication. Women tend to ask more questions and likely to utter utterances that encourage responses from the other speaker. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to interrupt their partner’s conversations and make direct opinions and facts to control or dominate the conversation. Thus, the communication phenomenon between men and women is strikingly distinct.

In the article “Talk in the Intimate Relationship: His and Hers” by Deborah Tannen, you will begin to see and discover the differences in conversation between men and women. Discussed throughout this paper are the importance of metamessages, an overview of Tannen’s article, whether Tannen is fair in her article toward both men and women and whether I agree with Tannen’s article as well as experiences of my peer’s and myself.