Snapchat Monologue

Hi... I've been trying so hard to respect that you needed some space but I just can't not talk to you any longer. I understand if you no longer want anything to do with me or if you even want to talk to me but I just want to let you know how sorry I am and how ashamed of myself I am for hurting you the way I did. You are what I loved most in this world and I ruined it. I am so sorry for lying to you and making you feel the way you did. I am also so so sorry if I ruined your week with you're family. I pray I didn't. You probably dont think I do but I love you so much Ellie and I always will. I really want to fix things, I'm willing to do anything in my power to fix things I just need to know whether or not you want me to because I will understand

I've sat in my room crying for days before because this entire situation has gotten out of hand & went ways it shouldn't have & a lot of people hate me whenever I did absolutely nothing to you but give you my everything & just sat there loving you and trying to give you my all.. please remember that because I've never have had taken the time & consideration to do that for anyone at all ever & of course when I do it wasn't good enough obviously & your way more happier now & it hurts me that its not with me anymore but it doesn't matter how I feel. I even took the time to try to help you out finding who actually did it to you and that wasn't enough for you either. I have no idea what is good enough for you anymore since you have changed so much. I can't walk around school bumping into you as much as I do & just act like I have no idea who you are after everything..this honestly probably doesn't mean absolute shit to you at all but I needed to get it out & tell you. Please stop hating me for absolutely no reason it's awful knowing your feelings towards me have changed so dramatically because of some dumbass who wanted to ruin not your life but

I tried to be your friend for many years. I thought it was the right thing to do. Your conversations to me on instant messaging only cultivated your obsession. I regret trying to be nice. In the small town we are from, I thought it would be best to keep a common ground between us especially for our families. I knew I would see you at church and you would sit in front of my family. And things just got worse. It was sad, some probably began to wonder if you had a staring problem. In high school, a sweet boy and I decided to date. Ultimately, I assumed you would leave me alone seeing how happy I was, but honestly, it did not phase you. Instead, you tell others that you write me letters to give to me on my wedding

I needed to hear that, I could of settle down. Getting impatient with me just makes me more hesitant, even if you said that in some way being angry just makes me scared of you.Tone matters Jerson, you should know that. You want me to follow you to New York you have to be willing to repeat things over and over again. I still have Cynthia and my Mom repeat to me over and over again I’m doing the right thing by not talking to you. I did not want to stop being by your side Jerson but I needed some time to myself to get better. You were my better half and this month felt like I was walking around like a huge part of me had died inside. I have given you some much of myself that I don’t even function without you. When we fight and don’t solve things in the same day, I completely impactable of thinking about anything.I know you’re stressed out about your situation and you take it out on me. I know you’re upset with yourself that you can’t completely trust me but I can’t be your punching bag right now. I can’t take any more verbal beat downs and I can’t jump into a situation without a better plan then “ If you love me, you would just come here” or “ I’ll do it but you have to come here first”. I couldn’t get over there until summer, you couldn’t even give me a bone by saying you’ll try and get something done before then? One thing off the list? Jerson, I didn’t not want you to come during January. I

I made the worst bad decision a girl could ever make and now you hate me. I know that. I also know that you could never forgive me. It makes me think. Was it really worth losing my best friend? Was it worth abandoning a friendship that lasted eight years? I wish you would just listen, Oliver. Can you really blame me for this? You were the initiator. You asked for it. Now you won’t even look at me. I don’t understand why you can’t just move on. I know you think I betrayed you and I know that you are ignoring me. In reality, all I did was do what you wanted. I miss you, Oliver. I know that you just want everything to go back to how it was, but it can’t. It will never be the same, especially with your illness. Change is a part of life

She turned away from me. Letting her shoulders sulk as if I hurt her feelings. She’s playing games with me. I knew that she didn’t love me, at least not in the way that I loved her.

Dear Katie, I can’t believe what a horrible person i’ve become. What a mindless, thoughtless person I am to be so rude to such a kind-hearted and loving friend. You didn’t deserve any of this. You were right I had no right to talk to you the way I did. I had the chance to accept your apology, but instead I choose not to and that's where it all went wrong. I know now that you never wanted to hurt me by showing Liette that text and even if you did my behavior towards the situation was unacceptable. My behavior was extremely inappropriate, immature, and lacked the respect you deserved. What I did was shameful and disgusting, I've only known you for about 5 months but in these five months you have only shown me kindness and you didn't deserve the

I don’t know what you think I told anyone or did, but I can swear on anything that I didn’t do anything at all. why in the world would I do anything to get you into trouble when I wasn’t even involved?I told miss and Niharika that it was her fault and that you controlled and didn’t do anything last time. even in school literally everyone was bitching about you when Vanshika and I were the only ones who kept quiet. I’m not telling you to believe me or start talking to me again, all I’m saying is that we’ve stopped talking for no reason at all. Still if you think I’m at fault I’m really really sorry and you know I don’t tell everyone that I’m sorry.  Its your life not mine so I can’t tell you what to do but I don’t think I did anything that I

From day one I always knew you weren't like the rest and there was much more beneath your surface. You have more to offer in every single aspect of your life and everyone and anyone who knows you are endlessly inspired by just being in your presence. I often find myself wondering why it has been so hard for me to move on and I realized that unique things are special because they cannot be replicated, but since they cannot be replicated unique things don't satisfy like the last. You are my last Abby. Time is going to pass and you will find yourself so happy with someone else and create all new memories with them and I couldn't be happier for you. Who knew that love could be one of the cruelest things to happen to a person, but I have become my own worst enemy for my actions. Some of my best memories are the ones with you in it. I could sit here and write to you all day, but there is no amount of time or embarrassment I could save you and I cannot begin to express how deeply sorry I am for every single second I have made you waste. I'd love to be writing a different story for us, but I just wanted to say how grateful I am for

I know you probably weren't expecting, nor want, to hear from me but when your mother came down to Arizona a few weeks ago she promised to give me your address. The reason being that I WANTED it; I want to talk to you. For the past few months the thought of you and our time together has been popping into my thoughts- no matter how simple they may be; memories replay on a constant loop, which is highly distracting... And once I heard you left for San Diego and happened to be in California while I was in the same area I couldn't believe how proud I was- AM- of you. I felt like you needed to know but I didn't have the opportunity until I saw your mother. And even then, I didn't know I could reach you this way.

The last week has been pretty rough and crazy. I made one wrong move after another thinking that there were no consequences to my actions; I was wrong. On the fourth of July, I was only trying to help you out, but I see now that all I did was try to control the situation and not be in my place. I thought what I was doing was best, but I learned the hard way that you are a strong and independent girl, and you are capable of anything you set your mind to.

I don't know when this message will get to you. I don't know when I'll send it. I guess it will probably be over the phone because making you wait for a physical copy would just be really cruel. You see, yesterday I went off the rails. I exploded on you and then I poured my heart out to you. I have never felt such a huge wave of emotion in my life. When I poured my heart out to you, you comforted me. I wish you didn't. I really do. All you did was give me false hope for what was about to happen. After I came back and calmed down, I realized you still didn't care. You were just going to do the same thing and give me the same reasoning. I told you what I wanted. I told you that you could really do what you want. Instead of just agreeing,

As I have told you many times, I love you, and I probably always will. Brief as our relationship was, the connection to you that I formed still holds strong. I still feel as though you were struggling to convince yourself that you were over me. A struggle that I believe you are still dealing with. This connection is what drove my actions for the past several weeks. It is why I have held on so tight to a chance that we might come back to each other. It is why I was so willing to look past all of the things that should have made me angry. It is why I am working towards forgiveness now. In the stating that I am working towards forgiveness, I am not accusing you of any malicious acts. We were not together, therefore I cannot and will not suggest that you cheated. You found comfort when I failed to supply it. What I am attempting to forgive is the omission of

Hi its Caitlyn. I don 't know what stage of grief your at right now but its probably either denial or anger. But I love you so much. I know you won ' 't believe this but I didn 't kill myself because of you. You know my reasons and they weren 't because of you. Don 't keep thinking it because you know for a fact I didn 't I told you over a million times I would never kill myself because of you. I remember when I first got a text from you and you said did you like that picture of me and you said Rudolf Status and I was so nervous cuz I had never texted a boy a didn 't know and I didn 't know how to talk to a boy. And you said don 't I look like Rudolf and I said yeah and I was like oh crap I just said he looked like Rudolf. I was like

Yeah, I don’t really know what I am doing with myself anymore. When we started dating I was confused and scared. I pushed you away. I know and I feel horrible about it. I didn’t mean to but I just didn’t know how to express my feelings for you and I don’t do well with embarrassment or compliments. And It’s easy for me to get embarrassed when someone I like says something nice to me or about me. Later on I heard that you had done some unfavorable things to people I was close to and I became conflicted. Then my friend told me that he wished for me to break up with you. We talk often about me breaking up with you. People thought that I didn’t really love you, to be honest I wasn’t really sure if I loved you. Then thanksgiving came around and I couldn’t see you or talk to you everyday, so I wished to see you everyday. Though that didn’t come through because I ignored you. Though it wasn’t intentional at first as time passed I was afraid of answering you because I didn’t know what to say. I stopped talking because you insisted on buying me a Christmas gift. Which is a nice gesture but I didn’t want you to buy me anything because I was fine with just having you. The last day we were together Jaden said you were upset with me and I understood why I mean I did ignore you that that hurt you so much. But when you said you would ignore me the rest of the day it made me really upset, Instead of being mature and ignoring that comment since I knew you weren’t going to