Social Conditioning of Boys
As everyone knows, within the human race there are males and there are females. We all figure out what our gender identity is at a young age. For boys, male toys like building blocks and trucks and sports like baseball and soccer help a boy form into what society considers to be a man. Society believes that boys should grow up to be strong, dependant and bread winning in order to be a real man. These social standards that are expected from boys, can also be explained by social roles. We are cast into social roles at the moment we are born. These social roles construct boys to be a certain way and follow the set boy code. Boy’s are taught to stay clear from emotional openness, vulnerability, and
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The two main influences on the boys development are obviously the mother and the father. In a boy’s life it is commonly seen for the boy to be much closer to his mother. A mother is usually the one who boys can express their feelings more openly, opposed to the father who is more of just a male role model for the boy. The mother and son’s relationship can serve as a drastic formation of the boys personality. If a boy is very close to his mother, then he will more likely be in touch with emotions and feelings. Mothers can help a boy express his feelings more, because he feels safer and more comfortable with his mother. When a boy is with his father he is going to act out the boy code more, in order to make his father happy because in is only natural to act the way the boys largest role model (his father) does. A boy would never go crying to his father with his problems because his father, because he wouldn’t want his father to think he was a “sissy”. A father seems to be more interested in making the boy to be as masculine as possible, and punishing him for any feminine acts. Also most fathers are rasing there sons the same way that they were brought up. If the father in the family was brought up in a strict household, where his father ruled and made sure his son was tough and manly, then that he will grow
A boy longs for connection at the same time he feels the need to pull away, and this opens up an emotional divide. This struggle between his need for connection and his desire for autonomy finds different expression as a boy grows. But, regardless of their age, most boys are ill-prepared for the challenges along the road to becoming an emotionally healthy adult. Whatever role biology plays (and that role is by no means clear) in the ways boys are characteristically different from girls in their emotional expression, those differences are amplified by a culture that supports emotional development of girls and discourages it for boys. Stereotypical notions of masculine toughness deny a boy his emotional resources. We call this process,
In her essay titled “Toxic Masculinity is Killing Men: The Roots of Male Trauma,” Kali Holloway uses scientific data to and evidence to state that gender stereotypes and roles are killing men. Holloway’s essay is a wake up call to today’s society that says we as parents, siblings, teachers, and anyone else who comes into contact to children who are young and impressionable, need to raise boys and girls the same way to prevent and eliminate gender roles and stereotypes.
Gender roles are categories that characterize what it means to be feminine and masculine in society, on how people think about gender as they relate to one another (Adams et al., 2013). For example, women are expected to be accommodating and emotional, while men are usually expected to be self-confident and aggressive, this shows how men and women are to behave in society. However, these sayings were taught to individuals based on norms, or standards created by a society which is called Gender Socialization (p. 318). Growing up as a child, we were taught as girls to play with dollhouses, pretend kitchen sets, cleaning supplies and play dress up. Whereas boys are taught to play with cars, sports equipment’s, action figures, and weapons. However, if a boy was playing with dollhouses, or playing dress up, he would be considered gay, or not masculine and looked down upon by society, and families. The same goes for girls who play with boy toys, or dresses as a tomboy, this is what we are taught to play with at a young age. Our families tell us how to behave, our schools tell us what
Gender coding is not a natural or biological characteristic. People are born with different physical and biological characteristics, but make sense of their gender roles through cultural influences. “Stereotypes are amazingly powerful, and we may not realize the degree to which our thoughts, beliefs, and actions are shaped by them” (Silverman, Rader, 2010). Boys and girls are labeled as masculine or feminine, which is considered the “norm” for society. Children are not born masculine or feminine, they learn these roles from parents, peers, media, and even religion. Concepts of gender identity are sometimes placed on children even before their birth, such as with the selection of paint colors for the nursery.” Children begin to form concepts of gender beginning around the age of 2, and most children know if they are a boy or girl by age of 3” (Martin & Ruble, 2004). From an early age, children are encouraged to identify with gender coding. Gender is formed at birth, but self-identification as being male or female is imbedded into their minds by parents and society. A child learns to understand their gender role and their identity by what is taught and expressed to them by others. Yet as a child grows, gender coding can cause cultural confusion, and insecurity issues throughout the course of their life.
Those who agree that gender is a social construct would also argue that gendered behaviour is not innate, and that it is learnt throughout development. Gender identity is defined as “the way in which being feminine or masculine, woman or man, becomes an internalized part of the way we think about ourselves” (Ryle, 2014). The idea of masculinity and femininity and the strong distinction between the two are taught to us throughout our lives. An individual’s earliest exposure to the concept of gender comes from parental influence. Many studies show that parents socialize their children from birth by creating distinct environments for boys and girls and treating son’s and daughter’s differently. For instance, parents are more likely to assign domestic chores such as cooking, mending clothes and doing laundry to daughters, whereas sons are more likely to be assigned maintenance chores such as mowing lawn, small household repairs and carrying out garbage (Lackey, 1989). Parents may also use more emotive language when talking to their daughter’s and might encourage certain interests such as math and science in son’s, by purchasing more math and science toys and committing to other promotive activities (Jacobs & Bleeker, 2004; Leaper, 1998; Tenenbaum &
Children learn as early as age two what it means to be a “boy” or a “girl” (Aina & Cameron). This is described as gender identity, a person’s sense of self as male or female. Gender stereotyping emerges hand in hand with the development of gender identity in Early Childhood (Halim). Gender roles are society’s expectations of the proper behavior, attitudes and activities of males and females. When babies are born they are either put in pink or blue, as they grow up they still maintain the same “gender” colors. As young children start to socialize, they are playing with either “girl” toys or “boy” toys. When they get older they
Once a child is born, he or she learns to view the world based on the behaviors of others. The child’s primary caregivers, usually the parents, and others present in the child’s environment, such as siblings, peers, teachers, and even the media, contribute to the development of the child’s perception of himself, those around him, and society overall. This concept is called socialization. “The way we are, behave and think is the final product of socialization” and it is through socialization that we “learn what is appropriate and improper for both genders” (Crespi, 2004). This concept of gender socialization leads to the inescapable
The gender based expectations are taught and the sometimes subtle, often overt lessons begin at a very young age. It starts with the color of the blanket a baby is wrapped up in, the toys bought for them to play with, and extends to the pretend play they engage in. So from the earliest ages of social awareness, society reinforces the ideals of masculine and feminine throughout life. Consequently, it is perfectly acceptable for a girl to put on a purple tutu and twirl about granting wishes to her stuffed animals, while it would be discouraged for a boy. He should be outside in the sandbox setting up his toy soldiers in a mock battle. In spite of the entrenched idea of gender, some mothers and fathers aspire to a more gender-neutral parenting style, that doesn’t restrict their child to specific societal ideals. However, the pressure to conform to the gender binary is ever-present and difficult to deconstruct. The boy that cries when he gets hit by a baseball is called a “sissy” and told to “man up” by his coach. The girl who tells her high school counselor, she wants to take auto
Thus, if a boy does not act manly, he is subject to ridicule for not being tough or acting like a girl (2002). As a mother of two sons, I will not limit their activities based on the stereotypes of gender roles and provide them with the freedom needed to follow their interests (2002). One of my sons participates in dance classes, and these classes are perceived by society as activities for girls and young gay males (Risner, 2014). However, I encourage his love of dance, as there is more than one path to “healthy masculinity” (Pollack, 2002, p.
The behavior Katz discusses in regards to the taught behavior of boy code by William Pollack, in which boys are taught at a very young age to mask their feelings and act tough. Michael Kimmel then extended Pollack’s boy code into guy code, for late adolescents to young adulthood, in which young men police each other into conformity with dictates about manhood that come with an implicit and sometimes explicit warning. Katz says that basic qualities like compassion, caring, fear, empathy, vulnerability are driven out of boys by a sexist and homophobic culture that labels these actions/feelings as feminine or gay. Men are afraid to communicate these emotions in fear of violent backlash via other men. It’s sad to think that men can’t articulate
As a boy grows into a man he faces the ever-raising mountain of masculinity. In regards to the occurrence, he finally reaches maturity he has no choice but in order to fight to retain his measly sense of manhood. He is not allowed to act feminine or else he’s not man enough, he can’t show his emotions, he has to hide that he can do anything a woman can do sans give birth. Boys grow up being told they are not allowed to cry and that they are supposed to be tough, that they are not able to be like girls and in the event that they are then they are not real boys. This concept is known as toxic masculinity, some people are not aware that men are being forced to suppress their emotions or even that toxic masculinity should be a topic that is
A lot of males’ violent behavior and females’ complaisance can be accredited to family and institutional socialization. Parents usually raise boys on aggressive sports, such as hockey and football, which encourage violence. Girls, however, are generally brought up on "feminine" activities, dance and figure skating to name a few, which promote a gentle, polite nature. It is the rare parent that heeds their four-year-old son’s aspiration to be a ballet dancer by purchasing the child a pair of tights and a leotard. When a boy shows more interest in dolls than in trucks, his family may be distressed, and provoke him to reveal his "masculine" side. After striving for egalitarianism between the sexes for so many years, families still deter young girls from pursuits of hockey stardom, hoping to interest them in Pointe shoes. Displays of emotion by boys are often criticized for being "unmasculine", whereas emotional behavior in girls tends to be expected and accepted. As a result, boys tend to not only hide their feelings, but criticize friends for showing their emotions. Girls, on the other hand, encourage one another to express feelings and console one another naturally.
When boys are young they are told to toughen up or to stop acting like a girl when they are sad or want to cry. Michael Kimmel, author of “Bros Before Hos”: The Guy Code, discusses how there is a code guys are supposed to follow and how being taught natural behaviors, such as crying or talking about emotions, are wrong at a young age negatively impacts boys for their whole life. Emily Smith, the author of Life on the Island, talks about how a decrease in places that have a feeling of community increases the suicide rate among men. Everyone tells boys to act a certain way their father, coach, even people they don’t know, but this is not the only place they hear these negative statements. Television and magazine advertisements often depict men in an unrealistic way that feels unachievable and because of this young boys who view these ads feel negatively about themselves and because of the guy code they can’t share their feelings and emotions which can lead to depression or even suicide.
Throughout today’s society, almost every aspect of someone’s day is based whether or not he or she fits into the “norm” that has been created. Specifically, masculine and feminine norms have a great impact that force people to question “am I a true man or woman?” After doing substantial research on the basis of masculine or feminine norms, it is clear that society focuses on the males being the dominant figures. If males are not fulfilling the masculine role, and females aren’t playing their role, then their gender identity becomes foggy, according to their personal judgment, as well as society’s.
Society has clearly defined boundaries between what is considered to be male or female. The development of an individual’s gender role is formed by interactions with those in close proximity. Society constantly tells us how we should look, act and live based on gender. Family, friends and the media have a tremendous impact on how these roles are formed and the expected behavior of each gender role.