Social Penetration

“Men and women can't be friends, because sex always gets in the way”, is the main theme of the movie “When Harry met Sally”. The script is a good example of the interpersonal communication ten stage model by Mark Knapp. This developmental model entails the stages of a relationship from it’s infancy to an ending. In the movie we can clearly identify all ten stages of this model.

The Social Penetration Theory is an explanation by two communication theorists, Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor. This theory attempts to explain how relational closeness develops. Since we all have hundreds of different relationships, with thousands of different people during our lifetime, it is an important theory to study and understand.

why we form relationships eventually lead to a deeper level of connection, the intensifying and

Interpersonal communication is everywhere in society, both the past, present, and the future. “Marty,” a love story, and a movie made in the fifties, shows many examples of interpersonal communication. In this movie, the main character, Marty, who is a decent, socially awkward man who is pressured by his peers and family to find love and get married. He then gets fed up and goes to a club in town and meets a woman named Claire, who is in similar circumstances to him. Marty and Claire then interact and spend time together and Marty experiences companionship for the first time. As time goes on, Marty’s bachelor friends and his mother are expressing their disapproval of Claire. Marty then gets angry with everyone, and tells them all I

Another theory is the Filter Model proposed by Kerchoff and Davis; they say that relationships develop through three ‘filters’. It starts with the ‘field of availables’ which are people available for a relationship where we then filter out different partners for different reasons, so it narrows down to a ‘field of desirables’ who are the people we consider as a potential partner. The first filter involves the social model where we choose people without being aware by where they live, work, have been educated or their social class. With individual characteristics not being important at this point. Then there is similarity of attitudes and values, where a partner’s beliefs and ideas come into effect. This is where communication is easier and the relationship can progress, however if beliefs and views are very different then the relationship may not move from its current position. The final filter is the emotional needs, which is whether the people fit as a couple and can meet each other’s needs.

It is often said that all good things come to an end. Relationships come and go, and some mean more than others. In fact, there was even a relationship model developed by a communication researcher by the name of Mark Knapp. In his model, he goes through what seems to be presented as a smooth step transition from each stage in which a relationship eventually evolves into. As I studied this up then down ladder model, I began to realize that I ought to build up some strong calf muscles, because my relationship sure has climbed up and down a few flights of stairs. Mark Knapp believes that relationships go through multiple stages, the uphill stages being initiation, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, bonding, then relational maintenance. On the flip side, Knapp believes the descending stages to be differentiating, circumscribing, avoiding, and eventually, termination.

The theories I will focus on in this essay is Social Penetration Theory and Uncertainty Reduction Theory. The reason I choose both these theories focus on initial interactions with stingers and how relationships develop. The social penetration theory is an objective theory (A First Look at Communication, page 93) uses the example of peeling an onion. It shows the “multilayered structure of personality.” The theory explains that as you go from not knowing someone and over time developing a more personal relationship through stages of disclosure. The other theory I will highlight will be Uncertainty Reduction Theory which follows seven main assumptions on how we develop information about a new acquaintance in order to lower uncertainty and predict others behaviors. Overall I will outline the core beliefs of these two theories and tie them together as how they both help us develop relationships with new people. And explain how we interact in new social settings. Both these objective theories show similar links but in some ways are different.

The Social Exchange theory applies to everyone at one time or another. We make exchanges with friends, family, and in the workplace. We cooperate with others and make reasonable decisions to achieve a reward. Sometimes we make sacrifices with the hope of receiving something of value in return in the future.

Just as self concept seemed a vicious circle, where this affects that and that effects this; relational development is the same. Relational development can alter our lives and our communication, while communication issues can alter our relational development and our lives. The relational perspective is a pragmatic one and focuses on the continuance of communication processes through relationships. (Rogers, 2004.) Relationships go through a series of stages. The initial and first encounter to a relationship is called the initiating stage. While in this stage, two people attempt to create favorably impressionable first impressions. In this stage you will look for cues about the other person’s personality, attitude, beliefs, and values so that you can progress the relationship. If the relationship continues and impressions are favorable than the two people move to the second stage, also known as the experimenting stage. In this stage people reveal themselves further but not completely since the stage is still a precarious one. If a common ground and understanding of each other is obtained then the relationship moves to the next stage, the intensifying stage. In this stage shared experiences becomes common and self disclosure is open. The next stage is the integrating stage, this is where the individuals usually become a couple. They have shared interests and attitudes, and sometimes talk or act alike. The other individual becomes like your other half. If things go awry than relationships often shift to the circumscribing stage. This is when couples start to self disclose less and less to the other person. Then comes the stagnating stage. At this point there is no communication and no activity between the two people. Sometimes there is an

The Social Penetration Theory, adapted by Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor, is based on the idea that people are layered like onions, (Griffin 133). These layers are made up by different things that hide an individual’s true self. One’s true self can include his or her hopes, fears, likes, dislikes, aspirations and other things that one thinks about. For individuals to become close, they must get past all of the facades and disclose their true selves to one another. In the movie The Breakfast Club, each of the main characters exemplifies this theory. At the beginning of the movie, characters Claire, John, Andrew, Allison, and Brian are each individuals who separate themselves from one

In other words Social Penetration Theory is a process in which a person reveals themselves to another person. The theory is that people reveal themselves in layers of bits of information. Disclosing things such as; layer one- age, job, hometown; layer two- musical interest, hobbies, religion; layer three- fears, values, self-esteem. The speed at which people do this depends on a variety of factors including your attachment style (pg. 61). The attachment test tells me I'm dismissive, I agree. I am often told I have no emotions. It doesn't bother me to hear that because it is somewhat true. I am not the type to be very forward or lay all my cards on the table. People have to pull off a lot of layers to get to know the real me. I put up a guard because I was hurt once. In the time it took to get over it I believe I lost all feelings towards emotional relationships. I do have feelings I'm just not willing to open up to people and let them see. I hardly ever cry (ever) and if I do

Lastly the third stage is called the intensifying stage, during which the relationship becomes less formal. The two people involved will start to reveal their personal information and analyze each other’s personal impression. Most of the time the two will find ways to strengthen the interpersonal development, such as gifts, hanging out more often and expecting a commitment within the relationship. The last two stages of the coming together part of the model are called integration and bonding. During the integration stage the two people come closer and can fall in love or create a closer friendship. Lastly there is the bonding stage during which the two will announce their relationship to everyone, this is the point where the relationship is indefinite.

Sen-Trust: Smith’s point is not entirely true. / Trust is what ultimately makes exchange works, if we do not trust others, nothing would ever het done. We may be self interested, but we

Out of the three possible theories, the social penetration theory is the theory that interested me the most

The four stages Sampling, Bargaining, Commitment and Institutionalisation describe how a relationship forms and settles. The theory is predominantly behaviourist and assumes that humans operate as rational beings making decisions based on costs and benefits and that their decision making is motivated by the desire to get basic individual needs met.