Songs We Must Ban From High School Couples

1553 Words7 Pages
Author: Tim Gagnon
Category: Blog
Sub: Opinion/Humor
Title: 5 Songs We Must Ban From High School Couples
Date: 1/19/14

As I write this, I’m in between apartments and living at home for the time being, so I’ve taken this moment of desperate, post-collegiate aimlessness solitude to clean out my childhood bedroom. The small pile of sweat-stained band t-shirts, folders of AP History notes my high school teachers insisted I’d need in college, and Mad Magazine issues are worth some nostalgic currency, but I had no idea I was stocked in pitiful high school mix CDs.

Whether they were cherished tokens of affection by past girlfriends/friends or copies made under the assumption that my mix work would be highly praised for years to come, I was
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And, like, ever since you fell for your Winter Ball date a couple weeks ago, this song has been screaming from every open locker vent and car radio. It’s like being a kid again, but also, like, becoming an adult too.

Do you really want a small taste of adulthood though? Go to any liberal arts college with a large sized quad on a warm autumn day. Target the frat boy wearing socks with sandals and carrying an acoustic guitar. Join the slowly forming circle of kids with no coordination trying to bob along and listen closely. Yes, between covers of “Wagon Wheel”, any John Mayer single, and “Santeria”, this young troubadour’s secret weapon is “First Day of My Life”. This song has played the “our song” role to so many past, doomed relationships now, it has jumped into the lexicon of alpha bros’ five songs they know on guitar that’ll get them laid. Conor Oberst would weep over the fate of his song, but wiping his tears with all the hundred dollar bills he’s made from it give him papercuts.

No One’s Gonna Love You by Band of Horses - For those looking for that “cute, slow folk song about love” to fill the void after “First Day of My Life” tires a bit, the next logical step would be “No One’s Gonna Love You”. It sounds like a rather damning title, but wait, the full lyric is “no one is ever gonna love you more than I do”, making it surprisingly uber-cute, right?

No. Stop it. Read all
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