Talk In The Intimate Relationship Rhetorical Analysis

In the video lecture presented by Deborah Tannen, He Said, She Said, Tannen emphasizes that men and women grow up in very different social worlds. When boys grow up, they learn that there is often going to be an inequality of force in any conversation. For girls, however, they feel that equality is very important and that it needs to be enforced through sympathy-based bonding. As adults, these different messages behind socialization can often lead to confusion, miscommunication, and, sometimes, hurt feelings. Tannen explores the difficulties of cross-gender communication and how we can overcome them by understanding where these conversational rituals come from. As a reflection on Tannen’s lecture, this paper will analyze how the different developments of boys and girls lead to the different views men and women have on the world. First of all, childhood and friendship is perceived differently by each gender.

The methods in which men and women communicate are eminently different. This being so, their external state is an indicator of their inner state, but men and women have different external states to express themselves. This is especially evident among children and individuals in relationships, and altered between a couple who tries to adjust their behavior. Deborah Tannen, the author of “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” argues that boys are girls are taught to have a differ inner state, that males and females usually have the same inner state but express them differently when communicating, and that individuals in romantic relationships can alter the way they present their outer state to represent their inner state in a way their partner can relate to.

Deborah Tannen’s case study entitled “Can’t We Talk?” is the most relevant reading that I have ever done for any class. It relates to a problem that every person regardless of age, race or sex, will have to face many times in his or her lifetime. The problem is that men and women communicate differently and these differences can often lead to conflict. This case study is very informative because it helps to clarify the thought process of each sex. That said this reading leaves the reader somewhat unfulfilled because Tannen does not offer a solution to the problem.

Over the course of history, men and women have been faced with a communication barrier that is still present today. The differing communication skills between men and women present challenges that can lead to foreseeable problems in relationships. These problems arise out of differing purposes, styles, traits, and emotions that accompany communication between the two sexes. Unless an understanding is reached, these barriers may never be broken down.

In “Sex, Lies and Conversation” Deborah Tannen argues that the problems of men and women in marriage are caused by a misunderstanding rather than lack of communication. Throughout the passage she discusses theses misunderstandings and reveals the solution to the problem.

In “Man to Man, Woman to Woman”, M. Sherman and A. Hass explain the problem of male –female communication through the research. They passed a questionnaire to 160 women and 110 men asking them that how often they talk about the topic listed on the questionnaire with friends of the same sex. From the responses of the questionnaire, they wrote this article. They said that the men reported talking about sports, current events, music, whereas women reported talking about relationship problems, health, family, reproductive concerns, weight, food, and clothing. They come up with the conclusions that both men and women don’t have to adopt other’s style, but they have to recognize and respect other’s style. Well, it seems like Sherman’s and Hass’s article can really tell us accurate information than that of Maynard’s article. “Man to Man, Woman to Woman” is based on the majority view and not one person’s view like “His Talk, Her Talk”. “Man to Man, Woman to Woman” is based on the survey, so the newlyweds would be able to understand better because now-a-days people like data from research, they like exact numbers. Moreover, the survey done by Hass and Sherman leads us to the conclusion that the difference in topics is not so damaging to intimate male-female relationships as are the differences in the style and function of conversation. J. Maynard’s data are merely based on her own life experiences. Some people may not believe in one person’s

This article by Deborah Tannen, written in 1990, addresses the differences between the communication styles of men and women and some of the ensuing problems that arise from these divergent behaviors. The article asserts "that although men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage" (p. 474). Research indicates that a majority of women state a lack of communication as the reason for seeking divorce as compared to only a few of the men. With the divorce rate at 50 percent the author says there is a "virtual epidemic of failed conversation" (p. 474) in America.

In the essay Sex, Lies, and Conversation Deborah Tannen focuses on the differences and lack of communication between men and women though observations. She came to the conclusion that men were not lacking in their listening, but they were however listening in a different way than the women did. On the other hand, men aren’t the only people that have terrible communication skills. In many ways, these differences between the two genders can cause major conflict when not understood by the opposite side. A few examples of lack of communication may be when women don’t decide where they would like to eat, men who walk away from an argument rather than talking it out, and their decision making processes.

Deborah Tannen is a linguistics professor with a focus the communication between men and women. In her essay, “It Begins in the Beginning”, she has little credibility in on her stand concerning her stand social interactions between boys and girls. Although she is an educated women and her work regards males and females, she is not an expert in the development of the gender. Tannen gives claims to prove her main point, but does not have any sources to substantiate her claims. Tannen demonstrates stereotypes through her essay as evidence of claims such as, “Girls don’t give orders…”

In the article, “Sex Lies and Conversation; Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” author Deborah Tannen, argues that the culture differences in males and females communication, both expect differences in their partners communication which cause damaged marriages. First Tannen mentions, communication in marriage is difficult due to the fact that males and females have come from different cultures. Then Tannen argues, that women expect more intimacy by way of conversation and men share activities in order to gain in their same sex friendships. Tannen also argues that men tend to switch topics often, not concentrating so much on depth as on breadth, not taking turns on same topic; women establish intimacy by diving deeper on a few topics. The author states, male relationships are “agonistic” (Tannen), trying to one up; female relationships are not that way, as they seek equality instead. Finally Tannen, suggests that there are solutions: awareness is key in a cross-cultured communication. (Tannen) While there are some elements to her argument that may generalize too much, in the end, I do find myself convinced by Tannen’s case.

The main advantage Tannen discusses in her Essay “Sex Lies and Conversations: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other”, is that gender communication studies can help prevent divorce by helping both partners recognize and understand the differences in the way both genders communicate. In the article “Sex, Lies and Conversations” Tannen refers to the differences in gender communication as “cross-cultural.” According to Tannen, “Boys and girls tend to play with children of their own gender, and their sex-separate groups have different organizational structures and interactive norms” (page 240). Tannen gives examples of the differences of each gender’s interactive norms and conversational patterns to help explain this.

Due to the different ways of expressing politeness and conversational involvement, they may have trouble communicating even if they share the same language. The ‘two cultures' approach proposes that talk between women and men is fraught with potential misunderstanding for much the same reasons that communication across the ethnic groups is (Mary Crawford, Talking Difference On Gender and Language, 1995). Hence, I agree with the point of view of Deborah Tannen. However, "You just don't understand: Women and men in conversation" does not inform readers about the reasons and the consequences of the communication differences between genders. Therefore, this essay will include the above

Communication between males and females has always been somewhat complicated. Because we are arguing that males and females have different cultures we wanted to take a look at what some of these differences might be. According to our research the inherent differences between male and female culture are the different roles that society holds for them and the ways these roles lead to different communication styles. The stereotypes that men and women grow up with affect the types of ways in which they communicate. We first wanted to take a look at how they specifically differ while men and women are arguing or having normal conversations. We also looked at the different types of networks that men and women

In the first chapter of her book, You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation, Deborah Tannen quotes, "...studies have shown that married couples that live together spend less than half an hour a week talking to each other...". (24) This book is a wonderful tool for couples to use for help in understanding each other. The two things it stresses most is to listen, and to make yourself heard. This book opened my eyes to the relationship I am in now, with a wonderful person, for about four years. It made me realize that most of our little squabble-like fights could have been avoided, if one or the other of us could sit down and

2- While women are usually perceived as a more sensitive communicator in a given relationship, in Amato and Previti (2003), they rated “lack of communication” less far away (6.1%) than men (13%). How could this ironic situation be understood? (p. 346).