The Boy Code And Culture Of Cruelty

A boy longs for connection at the same time he feels the need to pull away, and this opens up an emotional divide. This struggle between his need for connection and his desire for autonomy finds different expression as a boy grows. But, regardless of their age, most boys are ill-prepared for the challenges along the road to becoming an emotionally healthy adult. Whatever role biology plays (and that role is by no means clear) in the ways boys are characteristically different from girls in their emotional expression, those differences are amplified by a culture that supports emotional development of girls and discourages it for boys. Stereotypical notions of masculine toughness deny a boy his emotional resources. We call this process,

Crying is something that everyone here does; it is a normal part of everybody’s life. However, many cultures believed that when a male cries, his tears were a sign of manliness. In the article “How boys become a men” Jon Katz gives some examples to explain why many man pressured to be tough, to act strong, and they would not allow to show their emotions, pain and fear. This article focuses on the lesson that boys learn from their young ages which effects their lives.

We define masculinity in a very narrow way. Masculinity becomes this hard, small cage, and we put boys inside the cage. We teach boys to be afraid of fear. We teach boys to be afraid of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves because they have to be, in Nigeria speak, ‘hard man’ (Adichie).

Society faces an issue that is not usually addressed because it is seen as the norm in today’s American culture. It is the crisis of masculinity. The notion of how men should be portrayed is not usually identified as a problem; today’s society views men’s apathetic and exasperated exterior as the orthodox behavior of everyday life. Boys at a young age are taught by the popular culture that they need to be a “real man” - strong physically and emotionally. The mask many men put up is based on the extreme idea of masculinity that emphasizes toughness, physical strength and gaining the respect of others through violence or the explicit threat of it. This front is put up by men because they do not want to stray from what is accepted, for men who

The traditional definition of masculinity include such qualities as independence, pride, resiliency, self control and physical strength. It can be change into qualities such as competitiveness, toughness, aggressiveness and power. For example, he says that the boy who doesn’t show these qualities and might be called a “fag”. The boy is most likely becoming aware of having feminine qualities.

For the past 300 years, the world’s society has displayed lots of unbelievable human cruelty. For example, slavery in the 18th and 19th century, African Americans were forced into harsh work labor because of their skin color. Then in the 20th century, a determined dictator, Adolf Hitler, murdered and tortured eleven million lives. This horrifying event was called the Holocaust, it occurred in 1933 but ended in 1945. Adolf Hitler was angered about the result of World War 1, so he blamed Jewish people, the disabled, and other groups. During the holocaust, the eleven million lives were forced into harsh work labors or was put into gas chambers and was killed instantly. People described the Holocaust as inhumane act, and the people that survived it, could really say it was a scarring memory.

In Kimmel’s article, the purpose is to inform young men that the “Guy Code” is not the way to prove masculinity, and can be dangerous in doing so (Kimmel 483). Kimmel presents to his readers that society’s understanding of man-hood is foolish through various interviews with different guys (Kimmel 479). One interview Kimmel did was with Mike, a 20 year old at Wake Forest (Kimmel 479). Mike says, “My older brothers were always on my case, calling me a pussy if I didn’t want to play football or wrestle (par 10).” Through listening and understanding Mike's interview one could find it offensive the way his brothers were calling him a “pussy” just because he did not want to play football or wrestle, which

1. In “Many Boys Today Define Masculinity Negatively”, the author Leonard Sax writes about how the meaning of masculinity has become redefined in a negative way. Sax states that the phrase “Be a man!” didn’t always mean to not be feminine, the phrase originally meant to be courteous, respectful, and competent. The original intention of this phrase to have boys emulate the wholesome family men in popular culture but in recent years the men portrayed in pop culture have become less principled. This change in role models has led masculinity to be seen as a negative aspect in society today. Sax believes that the best solution for this issue is to give young boys the guidance they need by connecting them with gentlemen from past generations who actually learned what it meant to be a man.

From an early age, our society begins to construct gender identities. Males are pressed to learn “suitable” gender roles in accordance to the masculine expectations our society has created. This means from a very early age boys are taught what it means to be a man. Porter’s way to explain masculine socialization is through what is known as the “man box.” Inside the box is a list of socially valued expectations that compose what manhood is about. The box includes expectations/guidelines such as, “don’t cry or openly express emotions (with the exception of anger), do not show weakness or fear, demonstrate power control especially over women (aggression dominance), be a protector, do not be “like a woman,” be heterosexual, do not be “like a gay man,” be tough, athletic, and strong, do not need help, and view women as property/objects.” This idea of manhood is instilled in young boys head and continues to stay with them for the rest of their lives. A fear

“Maybe there is a beast… maybe it’s only us.” (Golding). This line comes from the book Lord of The Flies a book about a group of boys stranded trying to create a colony, and all of the troubles they face. A number of the troubles they actually face come from their own doing, arising because of the way that they learned to behave very “masculinely.” The boys are all trying to appear dominant and repress their emotions so they don't look weak or feminine to the other boys, much like how men in today's culture try to do. So, what would happen if boys were brought up in a more supportive and less harsh culture? Would men appear more communicative and open to their emotions, or would they stay the same? Boys and men growing and maturing in today's society should not be pressured into suppressing emotions and killing all semi-feminine parts about themselves.

of Darkness: the chain gangs, the grove of death, the payment in brass rods, the

Like in the film, a majority believe that men are more dominant, powerful, and aggressive, which match the societal expectations of them. Culture, a pattern of expectations behaviors and beliefs, is a key to this problem. Part of society's culture is creating stereotypes about gender expectations. In the film, they discuss that a higher percentage of violence in America is done by men, people need to think about why this occurs? The expectations and stresses that men face, even at a young age, is disturbing. In order for a man to feel masculine, he needs to be tough, wear certain clothes, talk and act a certain way, and have a certain body image. This stereotype about what it is to be considered masculine is causing society and families to “train” males on how they should act, feel, and think, which is known as a gender schema. This is done through the media, as shown in the film, but also the way young men are raised and how they interact with their peers. When a boy starts to grow up and experiences bullying, what are they most likely to do? Usually, they would throw a punch or some rude words at the person who is hurting them. In both cases, the bully is trying to act dominant and powerful, while the other boy acts aggressive and tough. Parents are nurturing and raising these young men to act this way so that they can fit in with societies expectations about

What really interested me throughout the documentary was when the producer was talking about men having a “tough demeanor” inside of clubs, because I have also witnessed men acting this way outside of clubs. It is all kind of way of keeping this public esteem. They want other people to think that they are all hard, and though when in reality they are not. I have experienced this with my brothers and my boyfriend. I could be walking with them inside a store or on the street, and the moment they see another guy they kind of pick their chest up and try to look all though. When in reality they are the softest individuals I know. I have also witnessed this at my job various times. There is this one little boy that we get in our classroom every week, and his dad has this sort of “tough demeanor” that he tries to implement on his son. He’s always making comments like “don’t cry, man up” or “you’re getting soft on me” to a little three-year-old boy. And it is sad that this is not the only case. Often times we get boys that come in and try to act all tough, because that’s how their dad is, and that’s how they are raised to be. Boys are taught to be tough and strong, and to never cry because crying is for girls. We teach boys to care more about how others view them, and show them to ignore how they feel.

As a boy grows into a man he faces the ever-raising mountain of masculinity. In regards to the occurrence, he finally reaches maturity he has no choice but in order to fight to retain his measly sense of manhood. He is not allowed to act feminine or else he’s not man enough, he can’t show his emotions, he has to hide that he can do anything a woman can do sans give birth. Boys grow up being told they are not allowed to cry and that they are supposed to be tough, that they are not able to be like girls and in the event that they are then they are not real boys. This concept is known as toxic masculinity, some people are not aware that men are being forced to suppress their emotions or even that toxic masculinity should be a topic that is

A lot of males’ violent behavior and females’ complaisance can be accredited to family and institutional socialization. Parents usually raise boys on aggressive sports, such as hockey and football, which encourage violence. Girls, however, are generally brought up on "feminine" activities, dance and figure skating to name a few, which promote a gentle, polite nature. It is the rare parent that heeds their four-year-old son’s aspiration to be a ballet dancer by purchasing the child a pair of tights and a leotard. When a boy shows more interest in dolls than in trucks, his family may be distressed, and provoke him to reveal his "masculine" side. After striving for egalitarianism between the sexes for so many years, families still deter young girls from pursuits of hockey stardom, hoping to interest them in Pointe shoes. Displays of emotion by boys are often criticized for being "unmasculine", whereas emotional behavior in girls tends to be expected and accepted. As a result, boys tend to not only hide their feelings, but criticize friends for showing their emotions. Girls, on the other hand, encourage one another to express feelings and console one another naturally.