The Failure Of Civility In The US

Deborah Tannen’s essay “But What Do You Mean?” focuses on what she claims are differences between men and women when it comes to social interaction. The essay is sectioned into seven categories, in which she talks about how men and women tend to think and react when it comes to apologizing, criticizing, thanking, fighting, praising, complaining, and joking with others. In general, she seems to promote the idea that women tend to be more polite and refined, considering the feelings of others when conversing and taking everything as a formality. In contrast, men are apparently more blunt, taking a more direct approach with matters and being more unconcerned with how they may affect others. Women tend to automatically apologize and thank others

Before the second segment begins, where a modern case study is applied to Marilyn Frye’s theory of oppression; it seems necessary to briefly mention a few ways that Frye believes that oppression can be surfaced unknowingly between men and women. The first example touches on the simple actions that men do for women such as opening a door, “The arresting of vision at a microscopic level yields such common confusion as that about the male door-opening ritual. This ritual, which is remarkably widespread across classes and races, puzzles many people, some of whom do and some of whom do not find it offensive. Look at the scene of the two people approaching a door. The male steps slightly ahead and opens the door. The male holds the door open while the female glides through. Then the male goes through. The door closes after them” (12). This particular quote receives a lot of backlash, as many people feel that this act is simply a helpful gesture between a man and a woman. This type of gesture is often times defined as chivalry. Frye argues that these “chivalrous” gestures are condoned oppressive behaviors, “The gallant gestures have no practical meaning. Their meaning is symbolic. The door-opening and similar services provided are services which really are needed by people who are for one reason or another incapacitated – unwell, burdened with parcels, etc. So the message is that women are incapable. The detachment of the acts from the concrete realities of what women need and do

It is my belief that the sexism in this act lied firmly in the way he chuckled, and shook his head condescendingly at me. It was as though he were thinking to himself how cute it was that a little woman like me to hold open the door for a strong, capable man such as himself. In laughing at this simple, objectively polite act he confirmed the thought-process behind this “chivalrous act”. Men hold open the door for woman, not because it’s necessarily polite, but because men subconsciously believe women to be weak. Not only that, but consider the fact that rarely do men hold open the door for men. This is no doubt because men consider other men to be capable of handling themselves in all manners, especially in things as simple as holding open a door.

Today in society it can be agreed that women have indeed gained many rights that were not accessible to them 100 years before. Although, despite the mentality that men and women are treated equally there are still very many discrepancies between the treatment of genders. Many of which can be attributed to the expectations placed on the genders, gender roles between both genders, and women in the workplace. These issues have caused a great rift to form between the genders, a rift that has caused one gender to claim dominance over the other and this can develop a sense of inferiority by the submissive gender.

Over the course of the last several decades, the polarization of American society’s use of positive and negative social etiquette in all interactions has reached its greatest level in recorded history. Never before have we been more aware of the greater events taking place in the world, yet ignorant and uncaring of the smaller more personal intricacies of our daily lives. At least, this is what freelance writer Todd Schwartz would lead us to believe in his thought provoking paper “American Jerk”. The majority of statements Schwartz’ makes in this article are accurate for the majority of American society, yet he draws several flawed parallels and fails to provide the necessary information to prove his greater accusations. This results in

Judge Paul Heath Till’s essay “Morals, Manners, Customs, and Public Perception” has a very unique structure that helps the effectiveness of the authors argument. He starts off by giving reasons why people are lacking manners in everyday life. He also gives definitions of the words manner, manners, moral, and customs and then goes further to discuss the true meaning of these words. He also relates his life experiences and his personal beliefs to the topic at hand.

Women deserve to be treated fairly and respected like anyone else. Women are currently whispering into the ear of the world to educate and erase those past misconceptions.

Today's society is changing like a raging, red wildfire. It has drastically changed uncontrollably for the worse. Despite that, no one has attempted to extinguish this fire's ruthless flames. Instead, hatred and greed continue to fuel present-day society. Although today's society has designed impressive technology, hate and greed have also flourished greatly.

Listening is another notion that would make people more civil towards each other. I've noticed that if someone is actually listening to what another has to say it creates a better relationship. When we listen, we are being aware of another person's ideas, beliefs, problems, and concerns. This is a great way to be more civil to others because it would make it much easier to be courteous, respectful, and responsible to others. If someone believes in an idea, but I think it's wrong, I can still be respectful and courteous by not devaluing what another has to say. Instead, accept their beliefs so that, that person can respect your beliefs.

Tannen presents a social experiment of how 2 experts, one male and the other female define what being polite means “ The man said, ‘Subservience’ The women said, ‘Sensitivity’. Both experts were right but each was describing the view of a different gender”(50). Even with both experts being right, because they were different genders, they were put on uneven pedestals; showing the inequality in society’s eyes. Tannen also brings up another social experiment which is frightening “...a wife who asked, ‘would you like to go to a party?’ was hinting that she wanted to go”(51). Its very cataclysmic that a woman has to ask their own husband if they want to go to a party just because they want to go themselves. In my personal experience, I’ve seen this happen before in movies but I never thought it would actually occur in the real

Stephanie Hanes in her article “Little Girls or Little Women? The Disney Princess Effect” explains that age compression is “the phenomenon of younger children adopting patterns once reserved for older youths” (487). Pageants used to be something reserved only for older teenage girls or young adult women, not children. However, this is no longer the case, for now even girls fresh out of their mother’s wombs are tasked with participating in them. The reason being is that society is now more accepting and even encouraging children to grow up and in essence become “little adults.” And while some may believe these pageants are all fun and games and causes no true harm in the long run, reality paints a different picture on the matter. For this is what is actually happening, society and beauty pageants are telling girls that they need to start acting more like women at younger ages, with such acts being wearing make-up or bras. They are being taught that the most important thing for a girl to do in this patriarchal society is to be pretty for your “Prince Charming.” This is furthered discussed in “Toddlers and Tiaras,” where it claims that it is troubling when girls are

According to the Chicago Tribune, “Neighborly relations have declined in the U.S. since the 1950s. Some 28 percent of us know none of our neighbors’ names, particularly pervasive among younger and lower-income people,” (Mildenstein). Why is it that our society has become less neighborly? In our society today, people are caught up in themselves and do not like to connect personally or physically with their neighbors. Because of this, they do not take the time out of their day to meet or socialize with their neighbors. Since the 1950s, our societies values and morals have changed dramatically. We now have the whole world at our fingertips, and feel like we do not need the physical presence of people in our lives. Consequently, good neighbors have become extremely hard to come by. However, when ones neighbor is cordial, cooperative, and gracious, ones everyday life can become a bit easier.

Simple things like saying thank you when someone holds a door for another or saying please when requesting a drink refill no longer seem to be the social norm. What has become the norm is to be waited on by a cashier, “all while having a conversation on her cellphone” (Weeks, 2014). In a telephone survey conducted by Rasmussen Reports, 77% of respondents believed that American adults were becoming ruder ("77% Think Americans", 2013). With society’s manners dwindling, the ease of caring only for ‘me’ has become easier. Hartwell-Walker (2008) believes that if you teach manners to children it will produce empathy. If one were to step back and put themselves into the shoes of the person that their selfishness is going to affect, they may be less likely to follow through with that

Gender inequality has been a dominant and consistent struggle of human culture since its existence. To this day, women constantly face oppression, unjust treatment, and less opportunities. For centuries, women have played inferior roles compared to men, especially in marriage. When a man and a woman would wed, it was understood that the woman would serve her husband’s needs and demands. Over the centuries of human existence, however, many feminists and progressive revolutionaries demanded change in the treatment of females.

Buettner traveled from place to place, and meeting many new people, it was interesting to hear just how very different of a place and atmosphere it is throughout this nation. The first fact, and clear opposite of the United States, is how people regard the smallest law is obeyed, even when it could be overlooked and no one would be harmed. The example given of the pedestrians waiting patiently at each crosswalk even at two o'clock in the morning, when it was clear nothing was coming. They would continue to stand there and be sure to check before just walking out into the road. To think about how now in the United States we have such a prevalent attitude of entitlement, that we don't obey the small laws, and sadly stop to think of others at all. It was odd to read, how even Kindly waving to another person as you rode by on a bike would be considered rude and out of place, because you're causing yourself to stand out. it was funny when Buettner ask “what if I gave them a big smile and waved? Andres said gravely “they would probably call the police” (Buettner, p.29) That is just odd to me that even the simplest kindness, was to much of a bother to others, that it would not be looked at as kindness, but a gesture of complete