The Importance Of Conflict In Interpersonal Relationships?

When a couple has been together for at least forty years, one may ask them, how have you put up with one person for so long, or what is your secret to marriage? Unfortunately, a secret may not even exist, but learning how to deal with everyday relationship conflicts, maybe the answer to a lasting marriage. “Gottman and Declaire, discovered that couples have conflict over the same issues sixty-nine percent of the time” (1997) (pg.214) Gottman quotes “We need to teach couples that they will never solve most of their problems, and that couples need to” establish a dialogue” about the problems.”(1997) (pg.214) Validating, volatile, and conflict avoiding, are three approaches couples use, when resolving conflict. Gottman studies show how managing conflict could lead to lasting marriages. Communication practices are also important when trying to resolve conflict. Gottman’s Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are “four communication practices that have very negative outcomes for the particular interaction and for the relationship.”(pg.225) Conflicts are going to occur in every relationship, but learning how to communicate with one another is essential.

In the article “Personal Conflict Styles” author Ronald B. Adler, Russell F. Proctor II, and Nell Towne teaches us that when communicating one’s needs in a conflict situation, there are clear differences between nonassertive, directly aggressive, passive aggressive, indirect, and assertive behaviors. Nonassertive is one of the behaviors one might show. Nonassertive is the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts or feelings in a conflict. Sometimes nonassertive comes from a lack of confidence. One study revealed that dating partners do not express roughly %40 of their relational grievances to one another. In contrast to non assertion, direct aggression occurs when a communicator expresses a criticism or demand that threatens the face

When you are in a relationship, arguments or disagreements can arise. They can often trigger strong emotions that lead to hurtful words and uneasiness. If these conflicts are not resolved in a healthy way, resentment and a dissolved relationship could follow. However, when they are resolved in a proper manner, it could promote growth between the couple and fortify the bonds of their relationship (Conflict Resolution Skills).

The topic that I have chosen to discuss throughout this paper is Managing and Resolving Conflicts in a Relationship. This topic is very important to me simply because, I personally see a lot of relationships failing, including some of mines due to lack of resolving and managing conflicts correctly. By the end of this paper I hope that I have helped the reader understand and eliminate any conflicts that confront their everyday lives.

The “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” are damaging behaviors identified from research conducted by social psychologist John Gottman. The ways these feeling are expressed is destructive and are associated with couples whose relationship will more than likely end in divorce. The “Four Horseman” are contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Contempt, such as an eye roll, is an attack towards another’s sense of self with the intention of psychologically abuse or an insult. It often leaves the spouse feeling inferior or undesired. Criticism, for example a verbal attack towards another’s personality or their character, entails producing disapproving judgments or evaluations meant to indicate the faults one one’s partner. Defensiveness, like viewing oneself as the victim to deflect a forthcoming verbal attack and ultimately reverse the blame, is mentally preparing oneself against a presumed upcoming attack. Stonewalling, an example being withdrawn so as to avoid conflict to distance oneself from disapproval, is the act of refuting complaints and refusing to give them serious consideration. When using any of the “Four Horsemen” during a developing argument, the couple’s quarrel will often escalate rather quickly leaving both involved feeling contemptuous towards the other party and allow what could be a trivial issue to balloon into a much larger problem. This would leave the parties defensive towards each other and with negative feeling abound could signal an

Marriage is one of the most precious relationships known to humanity and continues to be the foundation of society and families. What is more, marriage is the blending of two very distinct people with their own personalities, desires and ambitions into one, which can create conflict. In fact, every couple faces conflict in marriage; and yet, why do some couples seem to navigate conflict while others eventually break down and fall apart? One study states that, “Millions of individuals experience marital distress, destructive conflict, and divorce every year” (Markman 1). In fact, one study suggests marriages have a 20% chance of ending in the first five years (Worthington, et al 15). However, study after study indicates that communication is a major variable in marital satisfaction (Carroll, et al 531). Sarah Carroll states, “How a couple interacts is a key indicator of the quality and stability of their relationship. Furthermore, the quality of couple communication has been found to be one of the best predictors of relationship satisfaction” (Carroll, et al 531). Yet research shows that only 19% of couples ever seek professional help in becoming better communicators (Worthington, et al 15). Therefore, it is imperative for all couples to understand the importance of communication in their relationship and aim to grow so that their marriage can be healthy and thriving. These skills include constructive communication, emotional support, encoding and decoding, initiator tendency

Conflict is an expressed struggling between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scare resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals. A conflict is inevitable meaning it cannot be avoided by others when it comes to disagreeing with one person to another to make an agreement. Every relationship will have a certain conflict with each other, rather they are wrong or not. In this paper, I will talk about my conflict about myself and my boyfriend. My three main points that I will talk about are being trigger, spouse behavior, and a result of my relationship. What I want to gain in this paper is understanding more about the issues when arguing, but in a soft spoken way to each other and

In close relationships, I tend to use the compromise style and in non-intimate relationships, I tend to use accommodation. In the close relationship, I choose my mother and in the non-intimate relationship, I choose the manager in my workplace. I think the inventory was relatively accurate in assessing my conflict behavior. When I have different opinions with my mother, I tend to make a compromise. When I have a conflict with the manager, I prefer to accommodate his opinion. My conflict behavior in the two types of relationships is similar. First, I want to solve the conflict in a short time. Second, I do not want to escalate the conflict. In compromise, I strive for my self-interest and try to find a middle ground with the partner without

Dealing with conflict in a volatile manner between partners is characterized by couples engaging in numerous, intense, zealous arguments throughout the course of their intimate relationship. This does not mean that the couples do not feel affectionate and loving towards one another, because that is not a factor. Volatile couples love each other, they just do not know how to deal with conflict in their relationship in any other manner. Couples that engage in the volatile style way of dealing with conflict in their relationship, oftentimes end up having sustaining relationships.

My partner, TJ, and I have been together for over five years and have faced many transitions during our relationship. From being long distance to moving in together, then later moving across the United States while continuing our personal goals and continuing our education to advancing our careers. Although we have been together for many years, we still find ourselves working most towards our communication skills due to the conflicts and arguments that are caused from the high stress of transitions and trying to focus on ourselves. While being aware of the balance needed to keep our relationship strong, we have learned that holding back from expressing what we feel from each other is not an effective strategy. The interpersonal conflicts that

In conflict we often make the mistake of using our power to focus on the relationship or on the issue/  outcome we desire.  The result is that we often attain one at the expense of the other.  Our power may enable us to achieve our goal but damage or destroy the relationship.  Alternatively, we may sustain the relationship at the expense of our needs or desired outcome.  The ideal may be maintaining a healthy relationship while at the same time achieving our goal, but this requires a subtle and complex use of different kinds of power or perhaps not using the power at our disposal.  This requires wisdom, self control and self discipline as well as skilled interpersonal behavior.

Conflicts happen every day of our life and are solved through negotiating in some way. Preparation is one of the most important elements of a negotiation. Negotiations involve preparation, relationships and getting the other party to see things from your perspective. A divorce negotiation can be difficult because of the personal and business issues involved. Both parties normally go in expecting to receive everything that they ask for. A divorce negotiation can be emotional and stressful, especially when it involves children. This can sometimes bring about complex settlement issues. There is a middle ground of negotiating for both spouses, meaning they are likely to reach an agreement that they both are comfortable with some

Beaton, Norris, and Pratt (2003) support this by claiming that unresolved issues do not necessarily cause tension in the family. “From our perspective, conflict refers to those issues in relationships that couples overtly verbally or nonverbally express continually” (Beaton, Norris, & Pratt, 2003, p. 144). Although they focus on intergenerational communications within the family, they point out that unresolved issues concerning intergenerational differences can create problems in marital relationships. So it is more important to focus on reasons why individuals choose to create continuous conflict, and why it is so important to impose personal opinions and beliefs on other people. Understanding what determines human behavior is the only way to understand why

Individuals were characterized as one of three interpersonal coping styles before completing a measure of relationship quality: adaptive (in which an individual effectively regulated negative emotions and utilized emotional support), dismissive (in which individuals suppressed attachment need and exhibited compulsive self-reliance), and anxious/expressive (in which individuals engaged in excessive reassurance seeking from their partners). Unsurprisingly, individuals high in adaptive coping style experienced the greatest levels of relationship closeness and lowest levels of relationship discord. Interestingly, partner effect showed that dismissive coping was also associated with partner perception of greater relationship conflict. Further, the positive effect of anxious/expressive style on relationship discord was much stronger when they had a high dismissive partner. Thus couples consisting of an anxious/expressive partner and a dismissive partner experienced the highest level of relationship discord and lowest levels of closeness, consistent with previous research on demand-withdrawn patterns of relationship conflict communications (Collins & Read, 1990; Heavey, Christensen, & Malamuth,

I would like to convey my gratitude to Dr. Sasmit Patra, for giving me the opportunity to apply and understand my Organizational Behaviour concepts. This article would not have been successful without the help of the people, individuals and organizations who have helped me by providing necessary information and guidance. I would like to extend my thanks to all of them.