Yesterday
His clear, blue eyes,
Illuminate his gaze.
Loving sensation runs through my veins,
Pumping warmth within me.
These days vanish,
Like the figments of a fantasy.
Heavy burdens lie on my back,
Rocks weigh me down,
As I plummet to the edge.
I resist the fall.
I grip
On to my thinning rope
Held by scarce strings,
My last hope.
I am that person
In solitary,
Shadows tower over me,
Engulfing my forgotten mind.
Reflecting upon my sins,
Tears flow down my dusty cheeks,
Staining tomorrow.
I breathe,
As a flow of hot lava fills my lungs,
Burning down what I once was.
It steals away my sanity,
Breaks my glass heart
To a puzzle of a million shards.
Now inhumane.
Lover’s dull eyes,
Now full of deep sorrow, deception,
Watch as my
He struggled to get out beneath her sun warmed skin as she leaned near his ear and whispered, “You shouldn’t be here.” Her piercing blue eyes were like pools of extravagant azure that seemed to see straight into the depth of his soul, exposing all of the secrets of his true heart which were thought to been hidden. As she finished, her hand met his face like a brick to a ground of crumbled stone.
I kept writing. It was hard, but I could get everything off of my chest. I could explain to people what had happened to me. I could tell my English teacher. It was a little hard, but I didn’t cry. I couldn’t cry. Greasers didn’t cry.
Unsupported in the ashen air. Sustained by a breath, trembling and brief. If only my heart were stone.”
The rain had just stopped pouring, and we had all gathered in a park nearby, as a makeshift memorial for Johnny. It wasn’t really a funeral, we didn’t have the budget for that, and it wasn’t like his parents cared enough to give him a proper goodbye.
However, tonight was slightly different there was a feeling of emptiness within me that only jasper could fill, but he was know where to be seen. As I walked towards the smooth grey eucalyptus that presided over the small dam on the far side, I peered into the broad hallow space at its base where I knew Jasper stayed. But there was no sign of jasper or even the slightest amount of evidence that he had been here. I felt my body shatter for what felt like the millionth time tonight as the tears started to fall down my cheeks, I didn’t know how much more I could take before I simply couldn’t handle this anymore. As I sat slumped along the water’s edge with my head on my knees, I felt betrayed and heartbroken. Jasper Jones was really gone, he had left me and gone to the city by himself, a plan that we were meant to do together. I was distressed, filled with anger and heartbreak. He had broken his promise. But the truth is what hurt me the most, I thought he loved me, I thought what we had was real, but I was wrong. Tonight was going to be the night I tell him everything, the night I was going to beg him to leave with me. Because I was in trouble. I couldn’t do this alone. I needed him more than ever but he wasn’t there. As these thoughts kept running through my head I begin to write it down. One way or another
I remember the day just like it was yesterday, the pale color and coldness of her skin. The sky was clear blue, soft, with a touch of red, and the trees seemed stiff in their bright green shade. The wind was blowing with its humid dry air. And All I could do was stand silently in disbelief, caught up in my own thoughts and calm as I ever been. Wondering what I could have done differently to change the course of time, life had taken us upon. Since that very day a chunk of my heart was ripped away, and broken into pieces… “Oh how I miss her so much.”
The night was filled with heat and the sound of crackling flames and all he could do was feel everything he had worked hard for and loved crumble before him with three simple words: “I don’t know.” Memories flashed through his mind and pierced him like daggers, filling him with pain. He shook and was in total disbelief to the fact that he had just lost his world, his purpose in living. He felt like his whole future was gone like the people he had forgotten and ignored and pushed away in his overzealous and obsessive belief in what he thought was his life’s purpose or the years he had spent with her. The years he had spent for her. So overwhelmed with what had just happened, he fell to his knees and sorrow fell from his eyes.
Not a single day goes by , I think of what you did to me . I try to erase it out of my mind and think of how our friendship was never meant to be . I wouldn't care if you were dead the next day or another week . I would go to your wake to make sure it was real and not fake. Don't break any commandments I won't give to any of your demandments , you lied , cheated and stealed from me . I hope you burn in hell you suck up wanna be . I wish I can go back to change everything around , I rather wish I never knew you , then feel turned down . Your gonna wound up dead without giving an apology , I'll be at your funeral dressed in black , to give my ending eulogy . When your six feet under the ground , will you try to be forgiven or burn in hell
I stood. watching. Listening. letting the warmth of the moment wash over. the joy filling my soul. she smiled, the air seemed to become lighter. the Sun, brighter. we Set. Hand in hand, heart with heart. alone, moments of joy turn into love. today I walk beside her, watching her. her hair entrancing me. each strand absorbing light, only to reflect it, create an unearthly glow. to me she is beauty. Sweeping me from the darkness. We walk. Each step creating dedication. Each step I wade farther in. Tomorrow I will awake. Her presence in mind. Today I travel with her. Where will we go? Who will we meet? Where are we? When did it go this far. I see him. She becomes darker, only now there is a glimmer. A flicker. Is that her? What has he done?
The blanket fell away from her bare hips, and she silently moved away from the twisted bed. He slept soundly on. She imagined him missing her when he woke. But she turned then, and the mirror over his dresser reminded her why her poisoned love was so flawed. He slept in a pool of golden ichor, and none would be surprised if she were to slice his veins to find a seraphic gore. She stood beside him and her skin was ice and her eyes, a copy if her mother's, were open. He was so much more beautiful than she could ever hope or imagine to be, no matter how dark the night she hid in. That would always be painfully clear.
I know something is there but I see nothing, no one. The vivid memories and promises haunt me in my greyscale nightmares. But why me? I close my eyes and ask myself will I wake from these traumatic times or is this just the beginning. As I drift off into a bitter, lonesome sleep I’m numb to the pain. I feel you by my side, but how can such a heartless monster be so comforting. All the lies and broken promises seem so insignificant as I feel so empowered to the bursts of energy pumping through my body as you stroke my hair and you gently kiss my forehead and tell me no one else can determine your happiness, happiness comes from within; and before I get the chance to say I love you, you vanish with the handful of trust I had in you fading. I cry for help. I cry out for someone, anyone as I die in darkness. heartbroken and alone. I feel the end nearing and I clinch my fists and close my eyes as I prepare for the horrific impact of fatal depression and i exhale only to inhale a sense of security. Love, beauty, confidence, I feel it all. Not only do I feel serenity I feel you. You came back for me just like I hoped, yet that hope is the same thing that killed
There are days in which I feel as though I never want to leave, and days in which I feel I am already gone. Today, I am gone. There is no polite way to be human, really, and so I’ve given up on the quest for unconditional optimism. There is no constant glow radiating from my pores, the kind that women are somehow supposed to conjure up as their contribution to the world. My freckled, goose bumped legs are planted intently on splintered wood. I have a view of the next rundown building on the next barren lot, paint chipped not with nostalgia but with force. I often look past it, to what may follow, but not today. Today I welcome the sunken view with poor posture and tired brow. Cigarette butts surround my coffee mug in a sort of pathetic way. In my cold fingers, a black ballpoint pen, I haven’t yet put it down to rest. My hands shake; they always shake, now. I’m staring at a blank page, not romantically blank, like that of a stilled Arizona morning or like the gray harbor before the sailors rise but like that of our mother’s stare or the empty space in between my breaths at night. The pages are always blank, now.
Today was hot. The sun’s rays wanted to cook me alive. I just knew it. Muscle and blood felt like the ingredients in a hot stew called my body. Sweat rolled down my arm and joined the other beads of the salty liquid. Why was the sun blazing? What did I ever do to you sun? Is it because I haven’t been out in so long to see you? I closed my eyes for a moment, hoping the sun would relent its harsh heat after seeing me leaning against the steps in misery. As if feeling sorry for me, a heavenly wind came across me. Even the clouds pitied me as they moved in front of the sun. I savored it. That brief relief of heat wasn’t enough. I needed more. I needed much more.
Choking back the hot burning tears her skinny legs splayed on the cool bathroom tile. Black streams coating her soft innocent cheeks, raking her bony fingers through the tangled knots in her black curled hair. Her pale skin scarred with the red marks from his hands, forever touching her once pure skin. Her thoughts bubbling up in bursts of fiery anger, words spewing from her sweet pink lips. Memories flooding her senses, flashbacks clouding her judgment. His words forever branded into her mind, his threats chaining her to the bathroom floor. Hidden, her internal suffering hidden from the world. His words, clothed her pain like a muzzle. Silencing her cries for help. Her malady hidden behind her long hair and quiet demeanor. His choice, her consequence.
Wounds had reopened, pieces of my heart had gone missing and the sun raised for everyone else but me. The dark hole where I was living had no communication access with the world or myself. I felt persecuted by feelings that I’d never felt before – I felt empty on the inside. It all felt like I had entered a cardiac arrest a long time ago and no one had done anything to save me… not even my dearest friend, my deepest love – the man whom I loved so much. Clouds full of tears, a heart full of thorns and a life full of devastations was all I was working