The Moon And Back, Remember

His kiss finds freedom, his reservations are slashed at the throat, and his morals buried. I know now that he’s always wanted me. This kiss tells me so. In the way he lets it all unleash. In the way he holds me tight to him, as if he’s afraid I might slip through his fingers. In the way his heart pounds against my bosom. He’s been starved for me. All this time.

"I fell in love with the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.", "I fell in love with the way you touched without using your hands."; these were just some of the quotes that I read, and connected when I thought about him. I didn't want to admit it, I waved it all off as a crush, puppy love, and it's just teenage hormones. The reality was I was falling for him with every passing moment. This feeling is so peculiar; it stretches throughout my whole body. It's inundating, yet makes me feel complete. It feels as though I'm in a dangerous fire, yet I'm completely safe at the same time. It feels as though someone's given me tranquility. It feels as though my heart is dancing around my chest; and a hole, I never knew was there, has been filled. I feel so light like I'm on top of the world yet my heart is constricting and it feels as if there's no oxygen in my lungs. When we made eye contact in the halls it seemed as if everyone else stopped and for a few moments in time it was just us. If only that were true.

His lips landed roughly on yours, stealing the air from your lungs and leaving your mind empty, devoid of all thoughts except one. Your hands tangled in his thick hair, tugging as you felt your body burn with sudden heat. His teeth nipped roughly at your neck before his lips lavished it with attention, making your body demand his. You could feel his smirk against your skin and you sighed in sweet resignation. You hadn't seen him in three days and it looked like he had missed you as much as you had missed him.

I sat there, numb, unmoving, my breathing shallow. I just sat there thinking about the time I was able to spend with him. The way his little fingers would grasp my larger hand. I sat there remembering how his sad little smile could warm my heart, even on my worst day. Then I remembered my reluctance to get close to him, knowing he wouldn’t be able to stay with us long. I remembered how I would never volunteer to hold him, not wanting to bond with the sweet boy that would leave before he had the chance to walk or even utter his first syllable. I felt a cold regret slowly seep into my body, regret for not loving on him more than I did, more than I should have.

I let my thumb trace the letters and I kissed her softly, she wrapped her arms around my neck and man I didn’t care if it hurt at all. I wanted this girl close to me. I wanted the love of my life right next to me. She was the one to break away first.

MH: If feels as if no time has passed from the moment I fell in love. Like a whirlwind of adventure, my relationship with-Oh I cannot say his name! My love for him was consuming. I felt blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission towards him, and I gave my whole heart to the smiter!

Waiting in the courtyard with my band one last visit before they go off to college, a representative of the Emily Program walks towards me explaining what the procedure was. Knowing the other two would pay attention I look around at the surroundings and in the corner I notice an orange tree, I wonder if that is where Skylar sits when she gets a free period. A caramel hand slips into mine and I look up to see the pianist pulling me with the representative into the building. As we walk through the maze of corridors we stop at a room, or a jail. The gray room is eerie and as we step into the room we see Skylar, her frame dwarfed by the band shirt she’s wearing. Hearing the door open she looks up her face hollow and her eyes no longer hold the same sparkle. As my eyes catch hers the wish that I was stronger for her resurfaces, as if she can sense my thoughts she quickly raises and beckons me to her. Three strides and I hug her pulling her frail form into my body. Her bony hands hold me close. I feel her thin lips near my ear and her husky voice brushes against my earlobe, “You are so strong, I’m sorry sweetie I was weak”. I feel the guilt and self-loathing that has built up finally leave my body as I clung to her frame. Knowing that she never blamed me, I was finally able to accept my actions, as those of a child, a child scared and afraid to lose the person that meant the most

The helplessness I felt as I sat clenching my head in the murky, brisk night. The words “ I will always love you no matter what”, repeatedly played in my head like my favorite melody. The feeling of your hands riveting my face as you gave me one last kiss overwhelmed me with heartache. The pessimistic stare you gave me as you proceeded to say, in a sorrow manner, “Goodbye Jo”, haunted me forever. The moment I never thought would come about came into prospective right then, you were no longer mine.

My soul knew, the instant that I saw him, that it was finally complete. Only for an instant, I was worried that I was falling in love alone. But then, I saw that spark. That same spark resided in his slate grey eyes that I could feel in my own.

He looked at me, it was so intense. He took a step forward and put his hands on the sides of my face, he held me still, just in case I’d like to move away, which I didn’t. He slowly grabbed my hair with one hand and tugged it, moving his hand down my neck and pulling me toward him. My lips parted and my eyes closed, the anticipation made my breathing shallow and fast. I would have melted if he hadn’t kissed me soon, and he did. The rest of the world was forgotten, I was dizzy and my legs trembled. But as suddenly as the kiss began, it ended. He turned around and left the room without saying a word. Dumbfounded and thrilled at the same time, I stayed were he left me for a few minutes, still feeling his lips on mine, still tasting him.

Tears dripped down from my eyes to my cheeks like a waterfall. I couldn’t stop it. I had made a promise. I clung on tighter, maybe that meant she wouldn’t leave. “It was going to happen anyway Tara, don’t beat yourself up about this.” She said in a hushed voice. It didn’t matter what she told me, I had promised to make her not move, to somehow convince her family that leaving was the worst idea. I hadn’t done it. I had failed. I looked down at the floral sheets as I hugged her, I never wanted her to go. I wanted to take in everything for that moment and keep it, locked away somewhere safe. This was the last time I’d see this room, with her endless books in her bookshelves, her intricate coloring books overflowing. “We can still keep in touch”

Dear Diary, Today I walked through the churchyard like a silhouette of myself, wishing I were as weak as my shadows so my insides might not feel so mangled. As I entered the church, the long held back tears began to flow. I was not ashamed. I loved him. Now he was gone a light had been extinguished forever in my heart.

I can clearly remember the last day I saw him. His heart was growing weaker and weaker as the months went by, so I started to visit him more often. I walked up the narrow dirt path up to his quaint old house. The vivid yellow roses that once covered his lawn, were all shriveled up. He was lying in bed when I came in. His face looked washed-out, and his body

Many thoughts ran through my head in the moments after I first laid eyes on The New One, but the first one was HOME. I felt this thought in my gut and in my bones, it made my breath hitch and my shoulders sag. He looked to me like home. I saw in him the village of my youth, my mother's smile, and heard the lullaby of times past.

I remember the day just like it was yesterday, the pale color and coldness of her skin. The sky was clear blue, soft, with a touch of red, and the trees seemed stiff in their bright green shade. The wind was blowing with its humid dry air. And All I could do was stand silently in disbelief, caught up in my own thoughts and calm as I ever been. Wondering what I could have done differently to change the course of time, life had taken us upon. Since that very day a chunk of my heart was ripped away, and broken into pieces… “Oh how I miss her so much.”