The People Stay Abusive Relationships

“Domestic violence or abuse is about control” (Pisarra), the abuser has complete control over the victim this is the most abundant reason why it’s hard for a person to leave an abusive relationship. Both emotional and psychological factors keep the victim tied to the abuser. Sometimes situational realities, such as a lack of money, and lack of resources keep the victim from leaving. The reasons for staying in an abusive relationship will vary from one victim to the next, but they usually involve several factors.

surviving, and leaving an abusive relationship is a harder and greater impact to the mind and heart, than to stay and continually get abused. Being abused by the man who once made me laugh, smile and fall in love with, his presents lifted life off my shoulders, made me remember what true happiness felt like and within instants everything changed. I was afraid, and terrified. I blamed myself because of the words he stuck in my head. I felt trapped in his shadow. Even after escaping the physical torture, it was as if he never left. It was never same, he took everything from me. he destroyed every glimps of hsppines he made me lose my

Many people are perplexed by the unwillingness of victims in abusive relationships to abandon the tumultuous environment, even when given an opportunity to escape. Outside of personal, subjective experience friends and family can learn why and how this helpless mentality develops and most importantly, ways in which they can help.

Many women and men seek intimate relationships in order to fill their emotional needs of security, safety and love. Their journey starts off with their loved ones spoiling them with flattering gifts and emotional words. The love they feel is so wonderful and deep that they believe that nothing can come between them. They are so happy and convinced that they will live happily ever after with the one they love. Unfortunately, the fairytale they have dreamt about was only temporary and soon comes to an end. The love story they have ones longed for turns into a horrible nightmare. The emotional words they were once spoiled with turn into howling screams and name-calling. The flattering gifts turn into physical abuse. This relationship is referred to as domestic violence or intimate partner violence. This happens when a partner or significant other declares power, authority and control over the other partner. To maintain this authority and control, the abusive partner uses emotional, physical or sexual abuse over his victim (Alters 27). Victims will desperately look for an exit out of this relationship, but only to be blocked by numerous walls of the despair, fear and misery. Many people are convinced that victims have the option of leaving, but they are too weak and they choose not to. What many people don 't know is, victims of domestic violence have many reasons preventing them from leaving their abusers. In most cases the outcomes of leaving are

The cycle of abuse starts when an individual is abused and then the perpetrator feels regret. The guilt leads the perpetrator to ask for forgiveness and engages in positive behavior towards the victim. The victim does not leave the abuse because he/she “perceives few options and feels anxious terminating the relationship with the abusive partner, feels hopes for the relationship at the contriteness of the abuser and does not call the police or file charges.” In addition, after the victim forgives the perpetrator the couples experiences a honeymoon stage. During the honeymoon, stage the victim is optimistic about the relationship’s nonabusive future. After the honeymoon

While I know what a healthy relationship consist of, it made me realize that even more women than I originally thought are probably victims of an abusive relationship. There are some women that I work with now or over the past few years that everyone in the office thinks their spouse is a “jerk” or that they deserve better but never really thought of them as a victim. A lady that I worked with recently would have to call her husband and talk to him during her lunch hour because he believed that she was cheating on him. He would also control what she wore and would not like when she would have make-up on. Her spouse would think she wore make-up to attract other men. I knew the way he would treat her was not right but never once thought she was involved in an abusive relationship. Abusive relationships to me are relationships in which one is forced to participate in unwanted sexual advances or activities and physical abuse such as hitting, chocking etc.

She thinks that the issues from his childhood brought on the abuse. She said “I think that because he saw his parents fighting and he saw his father abuse his mother it led him to do the same. His mother was an alcoholic and she abused him and his brother as well. I think it was a cycle that he couldn’t break” (Owens). This is common issue in domestic violence relationships, most of the time when a child experiences domestic violence physical or emotional they will continue the violence onto their children as well (Domestic). Sonya also said that he made promises to change and never abuse her again. This happens a lot in abuses relationships, they abuser will apologizes and tries to make up with the partner with gifts or promises, this is called the ‘honeymoon phase’ (Understanding). Not only can domestic violence effect the women’s maternal control and discipline on her children, it can affect her self-esteem as well (Educational). The abuse that Sonya suffered from was verbal and physical, most of the time he would abuse her out of anger over

Women will continue to suffer from domestic violence unless there is some sort of intervention to help them. When dealing with this population, it is essential to create a safe environment where the woman can talk freely about the abuse without any retaliation from the abuser. When someone comes into a therapeutic session, everyone deserves to be treated with respect and care. This in turn will create a sense of hope that a different type of life can be possible. Also, knowing that there is a support system can help the woman begin the process of change. Despite this, the process of leaving the abusive partner is slow (Warshaw, n.d.)

So what makes an abuser? The goal of the abuser is power and control over their partner. Domestic violence can affect all, but more often it is the male inflicting the harm due to their physical advantage and also their societal taught dominating role. The abuser tends to conform to the stereotypical view of the man and women. The man goes out to make the money and support the family, while women stays home to cook, clean, and look after the kids. In knowing this, it is easy to understand why leaving an abusive relationship can be so difficult for the individual being abused, as leaving involves many needed changes and few solutions to the problems.

Today’s society contains an overwhelming amount of people “stuck” in abusive relationships. Why don’t they just pack up and leave one might wonder? Is this because they want to believe that people can change? It is a very disturbing issue, when the person that you are in “Love” with is the person inflicting so much pain on you. An outsider looking in a on a relationship of this sort will question why women that are victims of Intimate Partner Violence simply do not leave their relationships?

Every choice that an abused woman considers to do with regards in seeking help or ending the relationship involves a variety of risks. Time and time again, the common question arises, “why doesn’t she just leave?” Most often abused women, at great and potentially fatal risk, do leave their abusive relationships. However, there is a multitude of barriers, including increasing abuse and the potential for re-victimization by the system that does not respond accordingly, and most often force many women to return to their abusers. A woman may become vulnerable as she goes through the stages of leaving her abuser. There are many reasons why a woman becomes vulnerable; guilt, denial, and fear may be among a few reasons, though no matter what the

Some women take the position that “hope springs eternal” for people in love and they shouldn’t be held accountable for the abusive spousal choices they make. That is precisely the kind of romantic notion that men and women cling to and use to seduce them into staying in relationships in which there is abundant evidence that they should leave. Often friends and parents try to intervene but when “hope springs eternal” obvious dangers are overlooked, denied and women tell themselves something like, “If I just love him enough, he’ll change.” Battered men usually say exactly the same things. “What is needed in situations of verbal and physical abuse and danger is not romantic fantasy but a critical and self-protective assessment of the facts followed by a decision based on those facts”(Walker 17).

In addition to all these reasons to why women stay in abusive relationships, is because women lose their self-esteem and eventually don’t have the energy to leave.

Every year in the United States, One in four women are victims of the domestic violence; however, this is only based on what has been reported to the department of justice (Stahly 2008). While men are also victims of domestic violence, women are more often the victims. Moreover, 90% of domestic violence is male initiated. In severe cases domestic violence ends with victims being murdered. More specifically, domestic violence resulted in 2,340 deaths in the United States in 2007, and 70% of those killed were females (CDC 2012). Many people think that victims have the option of leaving and many people blame victims for putting up with the abuse; what many people don 't know is, victims of domestic violence have many reasons preventing them from leaving their abusers, these reasons include, isolation, having children bounding them with the abuser and lack of financial support. "It 's never pretty when you leave an abusive and controlling relationship. The warden always protests when a prison gets shut down," says Dr. Steve Maraboli (qtd from web). Whether a victim stays or leaves their abuser, the outcomes of both situations are not always as easy as many people predict. In some situations, the outcomes of leaving may be very dangerous for both the victim and her children.

According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, the abused stay in domestic relationships due to fear, embarrassment, low self-esteem, love, and believing that the abuse is normal. For me, these are all true.