The Problem Of Voluntary Lapses

"I fell in love with the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.", "I fell in love with the way you touched without using your hands."; these were just some of the quotes that I read, and connected when I thought about him. I didn't want to admit it, I waved it all off as a crush, puppy love, and it's just teenage hormones. The reality was I was falling for him with every passing moment. This feeling is so peculiar; it stretches throughout my whole body. It's inundating, yet makes me feel complete. It feels as though I'm in a dangerous fire, yet I'm completely safe at the same time. It feels as though someone's given me tranquility. It feels as though my heart is dancing around my chest; and a hole, I never knew was there, has been filled. I feel so light like I'm on top of the world yet my heart is constricting and it feels as if there's no oxygen in my lungs. When we made eye contact in the halls it seemed as if everyone else stopped and for a few moments in time it was just us. If only that were true.

I woke up in a cold sweat. Don’t do this to yourself again, I told myself. He’s gone. He doesn’t want you, he chose her. I still remember the day you told me you loved someone else. I can still feel my face fall and hear my heart break. I wanted to hate you, but I wanted to hate her even more. But I couldn’t make myself hate either of you, especially not the person who once brought me so much happiness.

He stood, breathless, with the love of his life held between his arms, and his gaze alighted on hers, the lingering taste of her lips from the kiss upon his, and his mouth curled up into a smile. A grown man, who'd been through the hell of Afghanistan, and survived it, a man who'd also survived the destruction of his marriage, a man who could kill without compunction or remorse, nor a seconds hesitation, yet here he was, as nervous as a schoolboy on his first date. And, it wasn't because of a lack of confidence in himself, or in Azairah, or that, even though he'd not made love in so long, but that he didn't want to bring back any bad memories, for her, or that he considered sex like Cole Douglas and his ilk, an act purely for the man's pleasure,

ornery I can handle it because whatever you throw at me I’ll catch. I like how I know almost a lot about you like we have the same favorite colors but in different colors and your favorite bands and your like apple pie which is disgusting and you must be the devil. I remember when we first met or I at least have memories from when I was around you and our conversations about ourselves and what we’ve fascinated with, those were the little things that made me want you and look now I have you. I fall for you even more when you tell me those three words. You’re always on my mind when I wake up and when I’m in bed laying my head on the pillow. I decided to type this out because I have hella shitty writing and this is more neat and I have more space

The worst night came after my mom left us. Why she didn’t take me, I’ll never understand. It was almost as if she’d left me for dead; the result of her absence had an obvious consequence. I wish I didn’t have to take her place, but I did, and now I know how his words feel, stabbing you repeatedly. I know how his hands feel, leaving imprints on my face. I know how her

“Well I would say goodnight, but I don’t like you.” I pulled out and she sat back down, with tears streaming down her face. I drove through little communities listening to the radio and eating the food I saved. I arrived in Reno, Nevada at 7:00 a.m. My bloodshot eyes told me I needed to rest, even for a few hours, but I’m going to see my daughter. I was low on gas, but I decided to take the risk of going up the mountain on the way to Tahoe. The tree’s became a blur as I pushed the pedal. The warm summer light beaming onto the road before me. The pine trees smell blessed my nose.

I didn’t know if Dale and I were out on a date or just spending time with each other. opening doors, holding out my chair, me snatching him back before he walks into a light pole, in front of a moving car, or trip over the sidewalk all because he kept looking at me. I didn’t know if I was flattered (highly) or frighten (highly as well). When hours or days go by and with me only remembering him opening his car door on a bright sunny day as I was getting into and… Dale opens the car door for me at night to getting out, what girl wouldn’t be a bit spooked. I knew I was in love with Dale and not just because of his good looks, had blinding smile, or his lips kissing me felt… Let’s leave the turning my legs to soft dough out of this conversation. What girl wouldn’t fall to pieces the way he lifts my leg. However, but something just didn’t feel… right. Tonight we were having dinner at his house and then to the movies.

I can see the way Aimee looks at me. I know what she wants, because I feel it too.

Five weeks without talking to you, five weeks without your touch, your voice, your eyes staring into mine, and that cocky smirk that you always wore on your face that I always fought the urge to wipe off.

Dylan, you are my everything. My every single thought. There isn't a second that goes by and I'm not thinking of you. You are the oxygen I need to breathe. Without you, I don't know how I would survive. I need you to survive. Your ever so gentle hands are yet, so strong and make me feel so protected when I'm with you. When you wrap your arms around me, I feel safe. The feel of your soft lips again my skin relaxes me. When I'm with you, I just have this feeling that no one else gives me. When we're together, it's like wee the only two people in the world. You somehow make it so I feel like I'm the most important girl in the world, as if, I'm the only girl in the world. You make me feel like no one else can. Maybe some would say it's just lust, but I know for a

Of course he didn’t…it was late in the night and the coat closet was easy to forget. Except she hadn’t forgotten. She hadn’t forgotten the way he had kissed her, pushed her up against the mint green walls between designer jackets and told her that he had feelings for her. She had reciprocated of course, it was late. Last summer seemed so far away yet so close.

There are times I miss you so much, I wish I could remember where I hid your body. I remember the night, cold and dark. An owl hoots in the distance. If only I could remember where you were. I always liked the night and so did you. Every week we took walks through the forest behind Old Man Smith’s home and talked about what had happened that week. All of that changed once you started dating her. First, you stopped walking with me then you stopped talking to me. In the end, you stopped noticing me in general. I was jealous. I mean who wouldn’t be; you were perfect. Dark hair swept back, tan skin, deep blue eyes. Everything perfect. But she took you away from so I got revenge. I wanted to kill her but I thought of something else that would cause her more pain. After a month of plotting, I realized I didn’t care about you at all anymore, but I still wanted her to pay. Sometimes I regret what I did. She still seems to be happy even though I took you away from her like she did to me. That night that I invited you to walk with me I thought you would reject me but to my surprise, you agreed. Revenge is going to be sweet tonight, I told myself. I went home and put together a backpack. Bug spray, an extra jacket, a water bottle, and a serrated knife went into the backpack. I met you behind the rickety barn on Old Man Smith’s property like we used to. I smiled at you and you did your once cute smirk back at me. You held out your hand and I reluctantly took it. Hand in hand we strolled through the forest. You told your cheesy jokes and I

He proceeded to take out containers of food. We had a picnic in the middle of a forest. The smell of crisp air and rich soil, the evening light shining through the leaves. It was all so romantic. He told me he was an artist. I asked what he painted and he said everything. I wanted to see one of his paintings. We got lost in time together and I felt so comfortable with him. I didn’t worry about anything in that moment, I didn’t even worry about how much I had to eat. I didn't worry about the controlling husband waiting on the couch for me at home, watching night time television. I was serene for once. On the way home we passed a bakery and decided to stop for some cake. I picked a piece of red velvet cake with fluffy white icing. It was rich and smooth and as I ate I thought about how I could live in this moment forever.

“Take it off” I shivered as the voice whispered in my ear, taking a deep breathe I did as he said. “Slowly, I want to see everything. That’s a good girl.” Trying to control my shaking hands I finish and turn around with a sexy smile on my face, just a few more times and I will have the money to save my father, just a few more times and I will be free. Schooling my expression as I swallowed down the bile that threating to come out, I let him touch me, going alone with this silly game. As he gets closer and closer to my tunnel I shut my eyes and go to my happy place. Right now I’m in the car singing loudly with my twin to Bruno Mars. We are zooming down the road smelling the fresh scent of honey suckers, breathing in the crisp air while making our way to Six Flags. I’m there in that place where I’m truly happy. “Open for me” Squeezing my eyes tighter I did as he said, taking a deep breath as he stole the last of my innocence. “Ah Amari that’s was the best, you keep this up, I

“I can’t believe she would do that to him, he doesn't deserve that, I feel a real sense of disappointment, I feel as though I have been cheated on. A familiar ache fills my chest. I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget