The Red Light On The Dashboard Essay

818 Words4 Pages
. Suppress your anger. Anger gets a really bad rap, but I kind of love it. I see it as the red light on the dashboard. It simply means that my needs are not being met. So I don 't suppress it: I acknowledge it and address it.

2. Start telling a story. When you 're angry, it 's easy (and natural) to start writing a play in which you 're simultaneously the hero, the victim, and the narrator. Don 't. Your motto should be "just the facts." Identify what you really know is the case (as opposed to what you think is happening). Take a clear look at what you are reacting to and make a clear observation, making sure not to mix in your judgments.

3. Blame a situation or another person. A situation or another person 's actions can never "make" you feel a certain way, so obviously blaming someone or something for your anger is a red herring. Remember, feelings are your warning signals, and are always a result of your needs not being met. As your attention shifts from the stimulus and your immediate reaction (anger) to identifying which of your needs are not being met, your feelings will shift also.

4. Focus on what you don 't want. Don 't focus on what 's bad about the situation: doing so will almost certainly keep you stuck there. Think about it: until we figure out what specific things we do want, it 's going to be impossible to ask for them. We 're much more likely to judge and blame others for the bad stuff ("It 's her fault!"). Learn to take ownership of your thinking and focus

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