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The Role Of Deception In Relationships

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Envision spending time with friends at your favorite hangout location. You’re laughing and having a good time. All of a sudden something catches your eye, and bring your happiness to an immediate halt. You see your significant other spending time with another person. You were completely unaware that your spouse was meeting other people. What would be your reaction? Most likely your feelings are hurt, and your confused. After experiencing what you have just seen, do you believe your relationship will be the same now? Many relationships fail due to certain stresses and strains produce commonly in relationships such as – hurt feelings, ostracism, jealousy, lying and betrayal (Miller, 2012). While Some stresses and strains can produce a healthy …show more content…

Traditionally, lying has been viewed as a sinful, undesirable act. Despite the frequency with which lying occurs and the many forms it takes, individuals continue to interpret lying as fundamentally wrong, immoral, and reprehensible (Kaplar & Gordan, 2004). Intimate relationships are not built on “truth and nothing but the truth”. Most individuals around 92% admit to have lied to a romantic partner or can recall an occasion where they were not completely honest with their partners. (Cole, 2001) Deception can be defined as an deliberate behavior that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows to be untrue. Lying is the most straightforward example of deceptive behavior (Miller, 2012). What drives a partner in an intimate relationship to lie and deceive? Tim Cole states that there are three interrelated explanations – reciprocity being the first. Reciprocity involves the adjustment of resources exchanged based on the provision of others contributions (Cole, 2001) – a tit for tat. In personal relationships, evidence indicates that reciprocity is strong and it involves the exchange of both positive and negative resources such as affection, respect, hostility, and criticism (Cole, 2001). Apply reciprocity to the use of deception, apparent dishonesty from a partner could be seen as the withdrawal of an important relational resource. Meaning a partner will view their …show more content…

People involved in romantic relationships most often expect to have certain needs met exclusively by their romantic partner. Infidelity, affairs, and other forms of sexual and emotional betrayal violate such expectations of exclusivity (Whisman & Wagers, 2005). When a person in a relationship violates their partner’s expected exclusivity they will try to keep the relationship secret from their partner. Thus, discloser of betrayal often involves feelings of being deceived, which are likely to result in disillusionment and further relationship problems. Betrayals almost always have negative, and sometimes lasting, effects on a relationship. Indeed, they are routinely the central complaint of spouses seeking therapy or divorce (Miller,

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