The Sense Of Belonging And Interpersonal Connectivity

* Our growing understanding of the belonging concept: The desire to be included is strong and the action of being excluded is humiliating:

A fundamental part of human existence and interaction is the notion of belonging or identifying with a group. Groups form and exist for various reasons and purposes, comprising of individuals similar or diverse in nature, that often work together toward a common goal (Stanhope & Lancaster, 2014). In 1902, the American sociologist by the name of C. H. Cooley, made distinction between primary and secondary groups. Cooley (1902) classified primary group to have intimate and comparatively permanent associations as one might find in a cohort of close friends, or a family. The groups or associations in which individuals related to each other through formal and often legalistic rules, were classified as secondary groups (Nolen, 2010).

Consider sitting in your high school with multiple different groups of people around. You hear numerous conversations coming from every direction and laughter filling the halls, but you are left standing in the hallway alone, feeling outcast, because you have no connection with those people. Having desolate feelings comes in response to this situation, and overall, it takes away from that sense of belonging. The unspoken rules present in these groups are responsible for the loss of belonging. People that do not fit the requirements within the rules often find themselves feeling as though they are outcasts in society. Individually, they will perceive themselves to be outsiders without a belonging in the social order because their traits do not match the desired ones in society. Additionally, the people in each specific group will begin to exclude the said outcasts because they do not belong in the clique. As a result, social events and conversations become more exclusive to those who fit the unspoken rules. This unfortunately can lead to bullying, for the exclusive people will make the outsiders feel unwelcomed and criticized. One who does not “fit in” with others will find themselves feeling insecure about their life and role in the community. Therefore, the unspoken rules of society affect each individual’s sense of belonging in both a positive and negative

Yes, It IS an essential human need, but…. then…. What happens when an individual doesn’t feel like they belong. What if… this same “essential” sense of belonging, the same “need” to belong, is what barricades and imprisons us? What effects can not belong have on individuals?

The internet has become a popular source used by society of a worldwide computer network that provides a variety of information and communication facilities allowing individuals to communicate with one another easily. The internet it self has brought people together but has changed the way people interact with each other, created isolation, some addiction and being unsafe. Nowadays, anything can be shared to the wide world through any device that is able to connect to the internet; where this can lead to what Charles Seife terms as “no privacy” in his article, “The Loneliness of the Interconnected.” According to Seife, the Internet’s vast interconnectivity made it possible for everyone to hear everyone else - and to be heard by everyone else.

‘An individual’s interaction with others and the world around them can enrich or limit their experience of belonging.’

“We belong … like fish in water. We’re in our environment.” This quote from the New York Times shows the perception of belonging as the idea about connecting to a place, person, group or a community. 'Feliks Skrzynecki' by Peter Skrzynecki, 'I'm nobody! Who are you?' by Emily Dickinson and 'The Rabbits' by John Marsden & Shaun Tan show the concept of belonging as being contrasted towards the New York Times quote, showing the alienation and non-existent connection towards it. These texts have furthered my understanding on the perceptions of belonging by recognising the different concepts of connection to people, places and things.

‘An individual’s interaction with others and the world around them can enrich or limit their 
experience of belonging.’

The concept of belonging is essential. To belong is to form a connection which will allow a sense of identity, without this we lose our humanity; however, conformity is in a sense a facade of belonging, as it restrains our freedom and forces us to only mimic. My studied texts show how society demands us to conform, yet conformity prevents a sense of true identity being ever created.

“As human beings, a feeling of belonging is vital to the well being and self esteem of the individual, but a lack of connection, or rejection can cause instability and other negative repercussions”

Belonging is what provides you with a sense of permanency, helps to establish your core values and contributes to the development of your identity within your family and the world. The initial sense of belonging that humans experience is commonly through their nuclear family. Human beings are designed to grow healthy physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally, through loving care and acceptance in a safe environment. Mother’s teach children about bonding, trust, attachment and the ability to accept and impart affection. Father’s provide discipline and mentoring that helps children identify their gifts and talents typically through encouraging risk taking to discover potential (Dye, 2012) If during early childhood you are not imparted with the love and encouragement required you can spend years engrossed in the process of finding an identity.

Belonging involves the process of discovering, understanding and accepting individual self identities which has the potential to be enhanced through social connections. As these connections develop into relationships, a human need for social interaction is fulfilled and so a sense of confidence, recognition and acceptance emerges, contributing to the process of self-understanding and ultimately that of belonging. Conversely, relationships that lack connection result in negative outcomes for individuals which encompass isolation and disaffection, ultimately leading to a sense of not belonging. Instead, these individuals may attain their sense of belonging outside relationships, through their connections to other ideas such as place, or within

The need to belong in an integral part of the human psyche. All people, on some level, desire to feel a sense of belonging that will emerge from the connections made with people, places, groups, communities and the larger world. Belonging cannot be achieved without an understanding of oneself and their surroundings.

The struggle to belong and find one’s place is significant in the lives of some people.

Vallerand suggested that the need for relatedness involves feeling connected (or feeling that one belongs in a social milieu)(p.30). Goodenow proposed that a sense of belonging at school reflects the extent to which