The Two Sided Mirror : Healing From Deep Family System Wounds And Ongoing Sibling Rivalry

Make a list of all persons we have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them

Reconstruction and change are essential for the family system to facilitate the homeostatic process, as explained by the fourth principle of the theory (Minuchin, 1985). It includes family questioning current methods, evaluating and developing potential arrangements. While earlier principles analyse the wholeness of the family system, the fifth principle explains that families can be examined in various segments such as the parent-children subsystem, sibling subsystem and spousal subsystem (Minuchin, 1985). Within the family, relationships between members are formed, and the interactions between each subsystem are regulated by unspoken rules and arrangements, and this is the final principle of family systems theory (Minuchin, 1985). Each subsystem operates independently, and it may encounter changes in the relationship due to various determinants.

Observe. Identify what you see in neutral, objective terms. This is where you describe the facts of the situation as objectively as possible. What is actually happening? When and how is it happening? What is the other person doing and, not least, what are you doing? You’re only allowed to cite observable facts and not allowed to assume or guess at what the other person is thinking or doing. You can say, “I’ve noticed that you’re always criticizing me at our meetings” because that’s a verifiable fact. You can’t say “I’ve noticed that you’ve stopped respecting my ideas” because that assumes something about the other person.

Reconciliation is stated as “restoration of a state of peace to the relationship, where the entities are at least not harming each other, and can begin to be trusted not to do so in future, which means that revenge is foregone as an option” (Santa-Barbara, 174). This definition is a starting point in understanding reconciliation but does not address the spirit of forgiveness involved. It is important to recognize harms that others have done but it becomes necessary to portray these in a positive and understanding manner. This supplies the persecutor with an image that is not so negative and “monster-like” but also provides for the victim acknowledgement that there has been harm done. For reconciliation to take place, all parties involved

Most families are complicated but supportive. For example, a family could argue a lot, but still love one another. In Alice Walker’s “Everyday Use” mama still supports her daughters even though, they’re not around much. Their issues are not unique because my family has its issues, too. The family in “Everyday Use” and my family both have similarities and differences regarding siblings, bonds, and mothers.

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When reading the titles and abstracts for the journal articles, my attention was drawn to the articles on forgiveness. I am divorced for more than 10 years. My first marriage was extremely painful for me near the end. I was never physically abused and until recently did not title what I experienced as emotional abuse. In retrospect, that is exactly what I had endured. I allowed myself to continue to be victimized until I found a Christian counselor who helped me focus on healing. I recently did my weeklong portion of my intensive for COUN 505 and it brought up some of the old emotions from the

Each phase may differ in length and the level of violence may increase over time. Most victims report that their partner was not abusive in the beginning stages of their relationship but slowly progressed to be so. A population-based survey collected data from women who have suffered from DV (domestic violence) to track the characteristics of the cycle. The repetitive cycle is generally classified into three distinct stages; a tension building phase, an episode of violence and a “honeymoon” phase (Figure 1: Domestic violence against women cycle). The first few tension building stages will appear subtle and minor, such as breaking down a victim's self-worth, passive aggressive insults and creating unnecessary conflict. These tactics are used by the abuser to manipulate the woman into doubting herself and believing false realities created by the abuser. Eventually, the tension will continue to build until a breaking point is reached and an "episode" occurs. The episode of violence stage may not even be violent at all. This stage is classified by any severe physical, emotional or psychological attack on the victim at the peak of the tension building phase. The next step, the honeymoon phase, is the key aspect of the cycle because it allows for the abuser to regain power over the victim. The abuser will be sincerely apologetic, with empty promises to never harm her again. Without this stage, there would be no cycle, and the victim would have no reason to remain in the relationship. The slow progression of these unhealthy aspects of a relationship allows for the abuser to manipulate and control the victim to stay in the

Think back to a time, somewhere from your childhood days to high school days, when someone has hurt you; whether it’s your big brother stealing your toys when you were in kindergarten or your best friend talking about you behind your back in seventh grade. Now, think about how you felt in that very moment compared to how you feel about that same situation today-chances are the feelings are not the same. When one is placed into a situation where they are being hurt, they more times than not will fight back and do something irrational which they might look back on and regret; however, when one does look back on that situation, many times they notice the person who was hurting them rather than their personal feelings in that moment- a new found level of maturity allows one to see the hurters side of the situation and the one who had been caused the pain can begin to sympathize with them.

If something bothers you, please let me know immediately. I believe postponing confrontations have led to bearing grudges between

I know this is the reason I picked the article, hoping to find the appropriate method for me to deal this unresolved, buried time in my life. What stood out most was the fact that resentment could lead to unhealthy conditions like depression and anxiety, which can influence ones emotional health and decision making. I never really thought about how that past situation could have or can be impacting my relationships and/or health. In my mind I had let it go and moved on, getting out of the predicament was the best and pretty much only move I needed to make. I can admit some anger still remained, but I honestly thought it was normal and healthy. There isn’t any hate towards the person, just not someone I would choose to be around. But it bothers me that from that experience I could judge others in a way I may never had. Or I may over compensate in situations to cover up my feelings of weakness because of the abusive relationship. This article has led me to better understand myself and realize that forgiveness was more than just moving on, it is about not holding on, actually wanting good for the person who did you harm, and using all that you learned as a positive to enrich your life.

My family has always been very close. We spend a great deal of time together and express our deep feelings and emotions with one another. If one of us has an issue, every member of the family is aware of it and shares the burden. When a person in the family does not share significant information about one’s life with the rest of the members, there is hurt feelings. Also, if a member cannot attend a family event, the family feels disappointed and misses the absent member. It is evident that connectedness is held as extremely valuable.

My own personal experience plays a part here as I don’t believe my family was ever “fully actualized.” Independence and autonomy was stressed, however, warmth and connectedness between members was not. Feelings were definitely suppressed in my household growing up, and even today sharing openly feels awkward. Whitaker, as well as Satir, has inspired my theoretical framework because I see the importance of the affective or emotional layer of family interactions.

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