In their book, Boundaries in Marriage, the authors, Cloud and Townsend, present a theoretical model for maintaining healthy relationships, specifically marriage relationships. This examination of Cloud and Townsend’s approach to maintaining healthy relationships summarizes both the theoretical and theological orientation of their proposed model, compares their approach to the model proposed by Sandra Wilson in her book, Hurt people hurt people, and considers the model in the context of Dr. Hawkins concentric circle theory of personality, and parents a critique with regard to some’ of the perceived strengths and
When a couple has been together for at least forty years, one may ask them, how have you put up with one person for so long, or what is your secret to marriage? Unfortunately, a secret may not even exist, but learning how to deal with everyday relationship conflicts, maybe the answer to a lasting marriage. “Gottman and Declaire, discovered that couples have conflict over the same issues sixty-nine percent of the time” (1997) (pg.214) Gottman quotes “We need to teach couples that they will never solve most of their problems, and that couples need to” establish a dialogue” about the problems.”(1997) (pg.214) Validating, volatile, and conflict avoiding, are three approaches couples use, when resolving conflict. Gottman studies show how managing conflict could lead to lasting marriages. Communication practices are also important when trying to resolve conflict. Gottman’s Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are “four communication practices that have very negative outcomes for the particular interaction and for the relationship.”(pg.225) Conflicts are going to occur in every relationship, but learning how to communicate with one another is essential.
Above all, these are the most important reason not to divorce”(Ten Reasons Not to Get a Divorce). Marriage is a commitment to stay together until death. In order to get through the highs and lows of being married you have to be willing to face all issues together and not give up. “There is no perfect marriage. There are no perfect families. Every marriage hits some potholes in the road, and for some, an occasional open manhole cover” (Owens). It is unrealistic to believe that anyone can live with another human being for any length of time without having relationship problems(Owens). A marriage should be based on unconditional love for one another” (Owens). In today’s society people lead busy and hectic lives and don’t want to take the time to work on their marriage. It is easier to quit and move on when things become hard or challenging. Men and women have to reflect on what brought them together in the first
Marriage requires effort and work. Many newlyweds come into a marriage thinking it is easy but do not consider the consequences of marriage that heavily rely on balances and partnership. Marriage is all about compromise. It is important to engage in a premarital program to allow both partners to learn what to expect within a marriage, how to face certain roadblocks, and to better communication when conflict is aroused so that divorce does not become an option. Gottman’s research (2009) has made a significant contribution to the study of relationship and marriage tying unity, harmony, and communication together to make relationship and marriage work. When a couple who does not have consummate love (intimacy, passion, and commitment), they often portray the six indicators of divorce: harsh startup, the Four Horsemen, flooding, body language, failed repair attempts and reflecting on bad memories (Gottman, 2009). Divorce often occurs within the first two years of marriages and almost half of divorces end within the first seven years (Bhutto-Ramirez, 2015).
Listening to your partner can save your marriage. If you and your partner have an agreement give each other time to cool down. It is important to fight constructively. There is no marriage free of conflict. Conflicts can and will arise from time to time it is to be expected. Conflict can stem from finances, children, and jobs. It is best not to point finger swat the other person. In your marriage you have to be
Summary: Dr. Hawkins has done a wonderful job in presenting the essential elements of what it takes to have a Biblically sound intimate and committed marriage. In Strengthening Marital Intimacy (1991), he has captured the two foundational truths, intimacy and commitment, makes a good marriage into a great marriage. It is not enough to know the Word of God intellectually there must be a real surrendering to the sovereign will of God. To do it will transform a life of commitment to God and to the marriage. The key concepts presented in this book cover marital intimacy, commitment, wisdom, reality, God’s sovereignty, the person, sexuality,
I was livid with the fact that I had to continually step out of the way for everyone else while they ran right over me. Through reading this book, I realized that it's okay to set boundaries in all interactions; in fact, I now believe that it would be wrong not to set boundaries in things. This book will help you realize that it's okay to have them and just how to develop them. I read "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren and now after reading “Boundaries" for the first time. After reading Boundaries, I have come to terms with my own inability to set personal boundaries and I took ownership of my own choices which I have made. There is a balance that is actually promoted, that boundaries are not an excuse to say "No", as irresponsibility is warned as another extreme of boundaries and goes against biblical principles. Some persons complained that people didn't seem to like them after they established boundaries. Then they must bond first and set boundaries second. Like any conception, it can be taken out of content and to the utmost situations. I would like to make suggestions and that is without a sturdy biblical setting or the encouragement of a group, these models could easily be abused and used as defenses. With modest and relevant dialect the writers use several designs to get their view
In this chapter the principle I am going to focus on is that all relationship have issues, but if we have softer hearts the couple can overcome their struggles. When problems arise in a marriage it is important to work through them, with your spouse, and do not give up. A person can choose to divorce and move on to another relationship, but this relationship will have its own set of different problems. No relationship will ever be perfect. When
Division is prone to occur in a marriage situation in case of a divorce. For the married partners to embrace endured togetherness and unity in their marriage, they must appreciate common interests of concerns in their practices. In case one of the partners dissent from the unity and togetherness set up, the marriage is susceptible to division brought about by breaking of the legal bonds that hold the marriage partnership in unison. Continued lack of an amicable compromised solution between the two conflicting partners will thus lead to separation. Continued separation will see the two partners seek a divorce in a court of law and the marriage will fail completely. Most marriages nowadays are failing as a result of continued disagreements of interests between the married couple. As per words of Lincoln that a divide house cannot stand, thus the divided marriage partnership cannot even endure survival thus it breaks up.
Conflicts which lead to unresolved issues can influence the quality of the marriage. Although several research was made on marital relationships, the factors which influence the arising of continuous conflicts are still not clear. Unresolved issues are problems which are continuously brought up in a marriage. However, marital conflicts are not the only source of unresolved issues in a relationship. Unresolved conflicts within the marriage can affect the longevity and quality of the marriage, but personal background and individual trauma contribute to marital problems more often than conflicts within the marriage. In fact, marital conflicts are usually started because of personal unresolved issues. If a person develops a behavioral property
As with any marriage, problems will obviously occur, and the manner in which these problems are handled will most often affect the happiness of the couple. Another major issue of dicussion is the amount of time a couple spends with each other, as well as the quality of the interaction, and lastly, the issue of similarity will be addressed. In order for a marriage to succeed, the communication patterns of the couple must be similar and compatible if there is to be any agreement between the spouses.
Conversely, most people perceive marriage as a sanctuary, satisfying the needs of both partners involved. It is one of the most important institutions affecting people’s health and well-being. Firstly, a strong marriage has a dramatic effect on the partners’
Rather than giving up and ending the marriage, many couples could save the marriage by trying to work through the problems that arise. Many people do not realize how much hard work has to be put into a marriage for it to be successful. When planning a wedding, some couples spend a lot of time preparing the vows that will be exchanged during the ceremony, but sadly the partners fail to live by the vows day after day. Scores of married couples drift apart because their hectic lives do not allow them to spend enough quality time together, which is important for a healthy marriage. Communication is also an essential factor in working through problems in a marriage.