Understanding The Ravishing Love Of God

1276 Words6 Pages
I have always struggled with understanding the ravishing love of God. Growing up, I constantly struggled with two demons: anxiety and depression. In isolation, everything was fine, I felt safe. As soon as something pushed me from the safety of solitude, Anxiety came. He nuzzled his dark face between my shoulder and neck. He forced my face onto his, so that my ear pressed painfully against his gray lips, the sound from his voice blocking out all other voices, including God’s. Stay here. It’s safe. He dug his talons into my stomach and he slowly wrapped me into his bitter cold body. I couldn’t move. Depression, a close companion of anxiety, entered, covering my shivering body in a blanket nearly as black as hell. “Christians don’t really struggle with depression.” I can’t remember when I first heard someone say this, but it stuck with me. I tried to do everything I could to block out the thoughts that kept telling me to kill myself. I filled my day with religious rituals; I read the Bible cover to cover, prayed, and memorized scripture. Despite my best efforts, I constantly felt like God looked at me in disappointment. I resorted to self-gratification. I thrived on the approval of others. I tried to let their words of affirmation drown my own self-deprecating thoughts. God, in His sovereignty, used this attempt to build up myself, to bring me to my knees before Him. People always affirmed my skill of taking care of children. This is something I also felt that I exceeded

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