Family Context: Permanent Change of Station and Deployments
I have been employed with the Department of Defense for 17 years. I have a great deal of
reverence for the men and women who fight for our country. Being a military spouse of a 32
year service member; I understand the adversities service members endure.
In 2001; my husband received orders to report to Darmstadt, Germany. My immediate
reaction was excitement. Until I realized I have to move away. Having never been over an hour
from home I was apprehensive about going over 4,000 miles. Relocating is never easy however
married to the military it is probable that travel is in your near future. After, the panic subsided I
had to focus on obtaining a passport, schedule
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Although, we talk every day during the deployment a feeling of distance still exists.
Mixed Feelings:
Homecoming really takes you on a roller coaster ride of emotions; feelings of excitement, joy, fear, apprehension, impatience and restlessness. It is easy to say, “When my husband returns everything will be back to normal.” That statement is better said not done. We do not live in a fairytale world therefore fairytale reunions in marriages do not exists neither. It takes time to get to know one another again. My husband came home and wanted to regain his position in the home immediately; I was not ready. I have been performing these tasks for over a year (This was too much too soon.) He was unable to drive because of his fear something was going to happen (He experienced a bomb exploding while on a convoy); which leaves me to drive everywhere. I feel like I can never rest when we go somewhere together because I have to drive. We had to communicate a lot about our feelings to transition healthy into our daily routines without conflict but, understanding how the other person was feeling and being compassionate towards those feelings is what made the process easier.
Two years later deployed again. This time the roller coaster was a little slower because we knew what to expect; the life of a military spouse.
Counseling Prospective:
As a counselor; it is important to make the rules of family therapy sessions clear prior to the first session. Individuals in the
The counselor needs to understand the family’s problems (Hendricks, Bradley, Southern, Oliver, & Birdsall, 2011). For example: the client told the counselor that the clients had been ignoring one another’s individual
To help identify and interrupt harmful interaction patterns within a family, I would start with the assessment and diagnosis process, here the therapist will see tedious patterns of each member. As counselor, I will center on what is being stated by the family members, discussing the family’s history, physiognomies and nature of the interaction that have taken place within the family, and what they have attempted to do in order eliminating the issues.
My father has been in the military for the past 30 years, this means that my family and I are used to moving. Usually the moving process goes very fast: my dad will receive a posting message and within the next four months we’ll be in a new home. It can be intense, as my house would be up for sale, my parents would leave to go buy a new house, and I’d have to break the news to my friends that I’d be gone within a few months, but I’ve always enjoyed moving despite the intensity and the stress it might bring. Due to the fact that the longest I’ve lived in one place was for four years, I began to expect a new posting after just a few years in a new place. While it goes fast and can be stressful, I appreciate the moving process because it’s interesting to see my life packed up and moved somewhere, whether it’s across the ocean or across Canada.
Creating trust in the helping relationship is one of the fundamentals of family therapy. Not only must the family learn to trust the counselor, but also the counselor must trust that the family is there willingly to receive help and to learn how to set their own goals and access their own resources to achieve them. Rather than being a passive listening post, a counselor must strive to actively listen and must keep an active engaging mind to compare what each family member is revealing. Clients in turn use the process to try to make sense of their experience. Communication is key
Military life can be challenging when you are not accustomed to the lifestyle and are coming from a civilian lifestyle. It can take some getting used to and it is more challenging when the other party is not readily around to help with supporting the new-found lifestyle due to deployment. For that reason, Military OneSource offers services and support geared towards helping spouses. We will now explore a few.
As we all know a permanent change of station can be stressful, in my case it was extremely stressful, I received unaccompanied orders to South Korea. I had to leave my family behind and travel to a Korea, a place where the language was completely different. My visit took place when I was 30 years old with no prior experience living abroad. Throughout my military career I had always heard horror stories about Korea and how miserable people made it out to be I had negative expectations of how my year in Korea would be. Fast forward to when my plan touched down, I was generally excited for this chapter in my live. The first few weeks of my visit I was in honeymoon phase. I was
As a preliminary session for the couple's request for therapy, the therapist has the critical role to explain to the couple the
There are many issues that may arise for a soldier and his family before and after a deployment. Several articles hit on the issue of challenges in marriage between soldiers and their spouses due to deployments. Some of these issues include mental issues with the soldier, the spouse and children.
Deployment for me was the toughest, especially when I went to Iraq at the age of 18. I volunteer to go to Iraq or Afghanistan because I wanted to experience it and see for myself rather than relying on the media. I arrive to Iraq on Christmas Eve and it was difficult not being my family. I did enjoy making a reasonable salary while I was single. I was very smart on handling my salary because everyone went crazy on ridiculous spending, which some went on huge debts. I heard North Carolina is a nice place to live and the cost of living is cheap. I do miss visiting Midtown Manhattan and Brooklyn, but I hope I get transfer beck to the east coast. I do enjoy the weather in California, but I need my fast pace life. It is great that you have nine
Countless situations I’ve encountered as a military spouse have provided me with the opportunity to draw upon the resilience that developed within me so many years ago. Enduring multiple deployments, relocating across three continents, giving birth to my first child in a foreign country only to say goodbye to my husband one month later as he deployed, having to wear both “hats” of mom and dad, moving every few years and having to re-invent my career—these situations have required resilience to withstand. Without the experiences I endured as a child, it’s possible I would not have had the opportunity to cultivate this resiliency that has served me so well throughout my life. Reflecting on the experiences I withstood during my youth has empowered me to adopt a perspective of gratitude for where I am today. The challenges of growing up in poverty and dysfunction have given me a lifetime of inner strength and resiliency along with the confident knowledge that I can overcome any obstacle placed in my way. Thus, I do not dwell on the difficulties and dysfunction of my youth. The first chapter of my life story has not dictated the outcome of the rest of my story; I have refused to allow that to
It was crazy to drive on the wrong side of the road but we learned. I had finally decided to start school a year after we had been in Japan and on the day before I started classes, I found out I was going to be carrying and having our second child there in Japan. During this pregnancy, I stayed in school full time because I was so motivated to get as far as I could before she came. We decided to move to a larger house on base and when it became available, I had to move us with a little help from friends and some service members while I was eight months pregnant. Once settled, my husband returned from work ups in time to help me out during and after the c-section, but left three weeks later for another five months of deployment. Around Christmas time, we enjoyed another homecoming and then just a few months later another big first happened as
I joined thinking I would just stay on base and build airplanes, but they shipped me overseas to help build planes there. I had to break the news to her; I thought she would never forgive me, but come the day of my deployment she had forgiven me. She gave me a hug and squeezed me tight, and told me to come back safe. I was stationed overseas, and was working as an aircraft repairs man. Working on airplanes was good work, but being overseas was different. I was stationed in Guam, which is an island in the Pacific. It was warm, but rained almost everyday. The thought of going home and seeing everyone again was on my mind everyday. I missed my family, and being able to sit down and talk to everyone. After my nine months overseas, I finally returned home. It felt welcoming to be back home to
I have worked in DHS for the past ten years with another ten years of prior enlisted service in the US Air Force. My initial four years as a DHS contractor offered minimal leadership opportunities, but allowed time to gain familiarity with the
When pertaining to the field of counseling, therapist must abide by the rules or standards for the right conduct. In therapy sessions, therapists will meet with and connect with clients from diverse backgrounds and cultural beliefs. Therapist should be non-judging and have a clear head when providing services.
Everyday I live with the fear that I am going to have an Army officer come to my front door and give me the worst news that I can imagine. Everytime my phone rings I get nervous, never knowing who will be on the other end, telling me something I don 't want to hear. Although it is hard to be away from my husband, I look at my ring and I cherish every memory of us together, I cherish every phone call and email I