Who Are Stiles First Love?

Decent Essays
Stiles is accustomed to being forgotten. He's always been in the shadows. He doesn’t mind, is comfortable there, even. He’s used to being forgotten, but being left behind never stops hurting.

He thinks the first person to leave him is his mother, and he knows it’s not fair to blame her for leaving him but it feels so much like abandonment that he almost doesn’t feel guilty. His mother, who names him some unpronounceable name and tells him that she isn’t going anywhere, who always seems to know when he’s had a nightmare and is ready with a glass of warm milk before he can think to ask for it. His mother who looks so frail on her hospital bed that Stiles is afraid she’ll fall to pieces right in front of him.

(Small pieces, he thinks. She’ll crumble to tiny pieces that will scatter across the floor and stain the pristine white sheets that she lies on.)
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He wanders for months. Goes here and there and sometimes he visits his Dad and watches him drown himself in alcohol, and if the dead could feel guilty he would. Months after Stiles dies, he sees somebody lovely.

A wolf. Stiles' first love. Before Scott, before everything.

The wolf's blue eyes glow in the darkness, and he sobs, pounding the ground and screaming. He’s just as beautiful as he was the day he broke Stiles’ heart.

The howling subsides, and the broken voice of somebody Stiles once knew whispers, "I came back. Nobody told me you were dead, nobody told me. I never forgot you. I loved you"

It’s a quiet admission, one that sounds like its clawed its way out of his lungs, desperate.

And Stiles knows; he knows that this person would never forget him. Stiles longs to reach out, to touch, but he knows his hand will only phase through, useless. He settles for resting his hand by the wolf’s cheek, and he pretends that he can feel the warmth there. He can’t.

"I never forgot you either, Jackson."

He imagines making love to Jackson would feel a lot like making
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