Why Death So Much It Feels More Like A Memory

2140 Words Dec 19th, 2016 9 Pages
I consider my own mortality quite often. There is a lyric in the musical Hamilton that reads, “I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory. When is it going to get me? In my sleep, several feet ahead of me?” I remember first hearing this lyric and feeling that it was the only words outside of my own thoughts I had connected with in a long while. Over the past few years, I have been forced to reckon with my own mortality more than I believe useful. I have witnessed much death throughout these past couple of years, and I have not always known what to do with it – with the grief, the sorrow, the loss, or the transience.
I constantly feel the impending doom that is my impermanence. I know death is a part of life – I am very painfully aware of this fact. I know that I will someday die, but what is it that I will leave behind? Will I leave anything behind? I’m a filmmaker, a photographer, a musician – I have projects that I am very proud of. But the question still rings in my ears: Have I done anything valuable? And what does the world consider valuable? Is their value the same as mine? I find that I do not know how to shake these questions from my attentions.
I grew up in a Christian community, believing that if you were baptized and maintained the Bible’s standards, then you were saved – and being saved meant heaven after death. However, after one of my best friends passed away, I began to question mortality, as well as death as a whole. Exactly how strict is…
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