Why Didn 't Marriage Make You Happier?

People believe that marriage is easy and is the key to love and happiness, but in reality marriage is harder than it looks. Everyone marries for different reasons, for good or for bad. People today don’t understand the meaning of marriage; it is more than just money and appearance. Seeing today’s world of marriage is being influenced by media shows like Jerry Springer, Judge Judy, and Murray makes you realize how society today identifies marriage different. Couples who live unmarried will be happier and have more choices than those that are married in agreement with Catherine Newman’s essay called I Do. Not.: Why I Won’t Marry in the book “Acting Out Culture: Reading and Writing “, by: James S. Miller. Catherine Newman is a writer and an author

There comes a point in everyone’s life that this question or subject is brought up - “Are you dating anyone?” “When are you guys getting married?” When these questions are asked from family and friends, it pressures people into finding that special one. Even though, people do experience those desires and questions for themselves; does it make it right to feel that need? What is marriage? Is marriage a contract or love? What if marriage is not what people perceive it to be? What if marriage is not the happily ever after often seen in the movies? Laurie Essig and Lynn Owens are two scholars that wrote a piece entitled, What If Marriage Is Bad for Us? that contended the institution purpose of marriage is obsolete and in reality bad for society, and how marriage can lead to changed, unhealthy, and distressed.

What is a happy marriage? All little girls dream of kissing a frog and ending up in a fairy tale romance with a handsome prince. Fairy tales such as The Frog Prince, Snow White and Cinderella embedded in our our minds a belief that life is full of magic. Subconsciously, the little girl in your wife dreams of a handsome prince to lead her through life 's journey. However she has become disenchanted because you, her husband, have not lived up to expectations and failed to fulfill the princely role. When you got married, your wife wished to live happily ever after.

Marriage unites two people for better or worse, in sickness and health, until death they do part. In earlier times, some people might say wedding vows were taken more seriously; other say divorce was different back in the day. Looking at Katie Chopin and Nathaniel Hawthorne, who both exemplify martial vows in their short stories, “The Story of an Hour” and “The Birthmark.” It is clear in one instance, it was because divorce was different but then on the other hand the stories demonstrate the seriousness of the wedding vows. However, these stories express a husband-dominated relationship, in which the men possess ideals such as possession, perfection, and being all knowing.

Growing up children are surrounded with a fairy tale life, the ‘happily ever after.’ As girls we are supposed to wait for our prince charming and he will love us forever; and for boys it is finding and rescuing a beautiful princess who can cook, clean, and is loved by all creatures. That is what marriage is based off of as a child, but that perspective changes once we get a small grasp of the concept of love and we really see what marriage is. Marriage is not something anyone goes into lightly and maybe our expectations of the fairy tale life are why divorce is so commonly sought.

In the article “What if Marriage is Bad for Us?” Laurie Essig and Lynn Owens summarize the things that

The second part of Franklins advice is equally crucial. Marriage is all about being forgiving, overlooking, and staying positive. The first is very critical when it comes to being in a marriage. Being forgiving is pretty much the same as being tolerant to towards one another. The dictionary definition of being tolerant from Oxford Dictionaries says that being tolerant is “showing willingness to allow opinions or a certain behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.” This definition explains why a lot of individuals who are married experience frustration towards their spouse. In many cases the person you are involved with will have a certain behavior or interest that the individuals you associate with won’t always agree with, but just because they have those certain behaviors or interests that others can’t seem to grasp doesn’t mean that it is going to ruin or even be the slightest bit harmful towards your marriage. A good example of this is say you are married to a man who has a habit of going to his favorite bar after work to have a drink. He

“Will Your Marriage Last?”, by Aviva Patz, is a cohesive article about marriage and divorce. Aviva Patz is the executive editor of Psychology Today. Patz narrates the story of Ted Huston, a professor at the University of Texas, who followed the lives of 168 couples for 13 years after their wedding date. She was then able to draw conclusions about what makes a couple stay together or end up filing divorce papers. Although marriages and divorce are the themes of this article, it is really about society’s pressure on young people to be perfect.

The majority of people who join together with their significant other through the act of marriage hope and dream that marriage will surround them with infinite love and happiness; unfortunately that is not always the case. In fact, “according to data from the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2013 American Community Survey, 10 percent of Maine women and 11 percent of men in Maine are divorced.”1 Though 10 and 11 percent seem like fairly small percentages, 10 percent of Maine women is approximately 67,831 women, and 11 percent of Maine men is approximately 71,506 men, which truly are not small figures to take into consideration. Since marriages do not always have a happy ending

Marriage, a lifelong commitment, can lead to misery if not taken seriously. “Somebody had to stay and care for the folks. There warn't ever anybody

Unsatisfied with their partners results in divorce rates and infidelity. These have increased over the years, blemishing the institution of marriage. People may believe that compromises and self sacrifice in a marriage make it a failed institute but the same reasons make a marriage successful. A married man has a constant in his life- his partner. The security and companionship in the relationship helps him achieve happiness. The same sharing is now a pleasure, a way to prevent loneliness (Argyle; 1999). Marriage is known to cause greater satisfaction, greater self esteem and less distress. Evidence shows that married men and women are happier.

In an article I read by Lois M. Collins on “How your premarital experiences can affect your future marriage” they go into fine detail about the possibilities for a happy marriage may be tired to the people other than your fiancé or partner. For instance, they mentioned that the more people who come to your wedding a better sign for your overall marital happiness. Though the more serious relationship you have had before, can affect your happy married life later on. In a study conducted it was mentioned that the relationship histories of two people who will marry is very important, it helps shape how their married life will be. In addition, another article I read on marriage by Lina Bloom and Charlie Bloom called “If you really want a happy

Relationships are can be very important for a person’s happiness or may have in some ways thought to be important for happiness. One thing that is thought to make a person happy is marriage. Even though marriage has a great influence on a person’s life it doesn’t make them necessarily happy (Stein A37-A40). A person that is married is generally someone who was already happy but if a person is unsociable or lonely the person may become happier. Marriage can make a person less happy if they expect too much of the other person or think that the person is perfect. A person may become happier by having close relationships and acting kind and grateful but to remain happy the person needs to keep doing these actions and continuing these relationships to continue being happy (Wallis A2-A9). As a child a person must make many relationships to be successful resilient. If a person is abused as a child the person does not have good relationship and may not always grow up happy. If a child has someone to support or encourage the child they will be more likely to be happy this person is called a champion (Gorman A52-A55). A person that has a negative attitude can cause bad relationships and can also cause others to be unhappy. Because of this idea a person must choose a person that can be

“Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave” (Luther); When a married couple decides to live in separate houses, the married couple may think it is peaceful, relaxing, and full of excitement; however, that is not the case. When a married couple lives separately, the couple may enjoy his or her freedom. By freedom, the writer means walking around the house wearing only her skin, listening to music, and singing loudly even though it does not sound pleasant. From the writer’s experience, living separately from her spouse has not been an easy or enjoyable experience. Living separately from a spouse has several effects such as financial burdens, infidelity, and a negative impact on children.

These constraints lead some cohabiting couples to marry, even though they would not have married under other circumstances. On the basis of this framework, Stanley, Rhoades, et al. (2006) argued that couples who are engaged prior to cohabitation, compared with those who are not, should report fewer problems and greater relationship stability following marriage, given that they already have made a major commitment to their partners. Several studies have provided evidence consistent with this hypothesis (Brown, 2004; Rhoades, Stanley, & Markman, 2009).