Why Forgiveness Should Be Both Ways

I am your wife, even though you chose to have an affair, I still strongly believe that you care about my well-being. This marriage isn’t over and needs work, but I believe with determination and faith we can restore this. Talking to me is one of the things that we can both do to strengthen our relationship. Moving past your mistakes and seeing what went wrong and fixed it might just be the solution. I understand though if you no longer desire to be with me. In the hope that, you will read this letter and its points about standing up and doing the right thing you will decide to tell the truth about Abigail and what she’s doing.

Whether you have been married twenty years or have just been dating for several months, your relationship is not immune to serious problems (Baby Please Don’t Go, p.1). No relationship can be devoid of problems because there exists no such thing as a perfect relationship. Relationships revolve around human nature, the depths of which can never be calculated (Borkar, 2010, p.1). Even the best couples run into relationship problems once in a while. Conflict is part of the human tapestry that we all deal with at one time or another (Warta, 2008, p.1). Relationship problems are nothing but a few

She says doing things to rebuild your self worth, things like doing things you love, being around people who support you. But she says the most important thing is to stop the mind from wanting to know the details, this can be the hardest. Not asking questions such as where did it happen, how often did it happen, what was it like, these questions can only inflict more pain, but rather to ask question that reflect on the affair as a lesson such as, what made you do it, how did you feel when you’d come home at night or are you happy it’s over? Finally she ends with the quote she tells all the couples who come to her for help after an affair “Your first marriage is over, would you like to start a second one together?” And I think this is beautiful because it reminds us that healing is possible but it also teaches us that we cant just move on from affairs, working them out is hard work and it requires starting from

They (your husband/wife) understand the repercussions of bringing this emotional affair out in the open. You may have heard your spouse talk about the other person in an innocent manner, but later quit speaking to you about them completely. Values such as transparency in your marriage, have now been thrown out the window. Things like greater honesty and transparency must be incorporated, if there is to be emotional affair recovery.

Everyone always wonders how to cope with guilt. It may not be the simplest thing in the world, but it also is not the hardest thing. One of the first steps in coping with guilt is confessing, whether it is to a friend, family member, or someone in a church. After you admit what you did wrong, you are on your way to recovering from all of the guilt weighing on your mind. One of the next steps in coping with guilt is to "make amends or changes sooner rather than later," ("5 Tips for Dealing with Guilt.") because you still have a slight chance of restoring any relationship that was damaged in the process. You must also realize and "accept that you cannot change the past." What's done is done, but you can only go forward from that point on. It is better to take one small step forward than to take three steps

You can only ask for forgiveness if you are prepared and willing to do so yourself. As Mahatma Gandhi aptly states it when he says “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the

In my idea, don't think about the past and your mistake very much. just accept them. I know to do this is very difficult but I think life means this.

Betrayal is something that many people encounter. John Gottman explains, “I believe that by understanding the dynamics of trust and betrayal, we can work to make relationships more trusting. But more than that we can help people become more trustworthy” (Gottman, 2011). To explain, “…the definition of betrayal involves the act of someone violating your trust in them” (Monica A. Frank, 2004). Thus, in order for me to move past all of the betrayals bestowed to me from my marriage, I need to learn to trust people again. After I was married, there were countless times that I felt like my husband was betraying me. Such as the times my husband, at the time, would leave with his best friend on several Saturdays in a row, to give assistance

The unnecessary stress and depression that I began to experience was further hurting my marriage rather than helping it due to my distancing myself from him.

3. If your spouse has done something to betray your trust, it is important that you openly discuss the issue with them. It is always best to learn why your spouse made the decision that they did, and to really consider their position on the situation. It is also important to share your feelings and position on the complication in the relationship that resulted in the loss of trust.

For a solid year I fought like hell to save our marriage and save our family... everything we had worked so hard to build together. But, when your husband tells you that he would rather start over with someone else than put anymore effort into the marriage, I don't know where you really go from there. It's a dark day when your husband tells you you're not worth fighting for. But, I took it all on with words and actions hoping and praying that we could get through the darkness and be better and stronger for going through it. I knew what changes needed to be made. I had already acknowledged this to him and began making some changes to myself back during the summer before I knew anything about divorce, only a sense that something was really not right. I could see the light on the other side and I pleaded with him to choose us... choose our

Although there is no excuse for lying or cheating, understand why men lie could be your first step to healing from

Your marital status has changed, and along with it, several other changes are to be expected, and there isn't any change that will make your past disappear, so accept things for what they are, good or bad, learn from them if you can and move on under any name.

Even looking back on the relationship I still can confidently say we communicated very well in the early stages of the relationship. I felt comfortable communicating with him about small conflicts or any of my wants and needs and I truly believe he felt the same way. Our communication didn’t seem to be an issue until after the first cheating incident. I think that this is because up until the cheating incident I had no reason to suspect he was not telling me things and I never felt a secretive or flighty vibe from him. After being cheated on I can admit that my communication skills with him started to change. Within one day everything had changed. I had not fallen out of love but instead of a sincere love it felt more like a constant sting to the heart whenever I thought of what he had done to me. I found myself bouncing back in forth between emotions of extreme hurt, anger, and self pity.

When it comes to marriage it is not as easy as it may seem. There is such a high rate of divorce in the world now that it actually scares people out of wanting to get married. What many people do not realize about divorce is that it effects the kids involved as well as the adults. It is hard to know what it is causing your own marriage to go badly, but sometimes therapy can be a useful resource to prevent divorce and reconnect with your partner. Married couples should be required to go to counseling and try everything they can to save the marriage before filing for divorce.