Why I Didn 't Know About The Most Difficult Time Of Their Life

The surgery was the simple part; the challenge was the recovery. I couldn’t walk for two months, and I couldn’t participate in any physical activities involving my leg for six. I became dispirited, no longer able to

My hospital bed was ice cold and the bleak and empty white walls depressed me as the uncomforting thought that I would have to stay here for maybe another week brought tears to my eyes. The usual and oppressive smell of disinfectant lingered in the room as I recalled that night in my head, trying to convince myself it wasn’t my fault, as I had done everyday since the accident. It was the day everything changed and my life was turned upside down. Forever.

As I took those few daunting steps from the elevator doors to through the white frosted doors of the Ear, Throat, Nose Surgical Ward, I thought to myself It’s time to grow up Emma! I remember stepping into a room about the size of a small classroom and going straight into a gross brownish-puke lumpy chair and sitting down on my everso shaking hands to conceal from both my mom and dad who stood up at the big front desk talking to middle age woman sitting behind it. I was only able to see the top half of her face, which reminded me of Wilson from Home Improvement. When they were done my parents came to sit down with me. My mom on my right and my dad next to her. After what felt like hours of waiting...and waiting...and waiting, a middle aged

I digested the fact that something is appreciated only if it's about to be taken away. I remember all the doctors buzzing around her like flies; her life was at stake and at the last moment the doctors saving her. Examining the doctors they seemed nothing less than heroes to me. That’s when I realized this is the profession I wanted to pursue. My first step was volunteering to change her bandages and measure the amount of blood coming out of the drain tubes and then making a report to the doctor so he can see how fast she is healing. After doing that I was driven by wanting to follow this profession at all

I tried to hold on to the positive thoughts, but the emotional pain stung as much as my mending leg. There was a duality I carried with me, both being grateful for keeping my leg, and also trying to be at peace with the pain and limitations. I’m sure my doctor understood this perplexing challenge I faced, though we didn’t speak of

It is Sunday afternoon and the time has come to be admitted to the hospital. I was welcomed to the Orthopedic Ward by several of the same nurses that took care of me about 5 months ago. That was comforting.

I broke my femur in the seventh grade and my leg was set in a unilateral hip spica cast. That was just the beginning of a journey through numerous operating rooms, doctor’s offices, and X-ray machines. As a result of how I healed, my

As I’m wheeled through the silver doors into the sterile white operating room, I begin to panic. This is my first surgery, and I feel as if I am in a living nightmare. Before I can even think about it, the nurses guide me onto the skinny white operating room bed. A few seconds later, the blue-green anesthesia mask is put on my face, and I feel like I am going underwater with my eyes closed. Then everything around me goes completely black.

Doctor McPherson called and said I would need surgery in 4 days, December 23rd , at Avera in Sioux Falls. So we get to the hospital on Monday and I go through all the pre surgery routines, changing into gowns, talking to doctors and getting the run down. Finally, the surgeon comes in and takes me back to the operating room, where he operates for four and a half hours. I sit in the recovery room for about 30 minutes and a nurse comes in to tell me I got eight screws with two large incisions and many stitches. After recovery, they take me to my original room where I was prescribed pain medication, from there we started our trip

Before you know it the doctors walked in with the needle in their hands. First they tried to put it in two different spots in my hand, but the veins were too small. Closing my eyes not staring at the different parts they were poking.The three doctors were apologizing because it took them forever just to find a good vein for the medication to kick in. Dr. Berkson came in and marked lines all around my knee and signed his initials on my leg. He started babbling saying what they would be doing and how long it was going to take. I was spacing out the whole time. I admit it surgery is a scary thing so trying not to think about it the whole time was hard. The nurses came in after the

Plus on top of that was follow the rules of what the doctor ordered me to follow. Time was ticking slower than normal for me; minutes felt like hours and hours felt like days. The whole recover period couldn’t end soon enough for me. Although, when time was passing by slower I started to have more thinking time and I started to realize that I was rethinking about my problems due to the sleep apnea. I started to question myself “what if nothing changes and all these problems from the past are just me being me.” “Does this mean I’m not set up to belong in this world?” And suddenly I decided to spend more time reading my Bible just to test if the surgery actually fixed my problems from before. At first I noticed that my reading and comprehension skills have became so much better since reading now became crystal clear to me. I stumbled upon verses that told me about how valuable I am to him in his eyes and that all this pain and suffering we go through in this life is only temporary and we shouldn’t shy away from our greatest fears. Instead it teaches that when we trust in him and put our faith toward him that I won’t have to face my fears alone and that I shall cast all my worries up to him. After I spent time with God, out of nowhere I felt so at ease like I never did before. I began to notice how crystal clear my life was previous of the surgery. I wasn’t living the way God wanted me to live and I never really put my heart towards him. I thought I had a relationship with him only to find out I simply just knew who he was and not make my life revolve around

It was 5:00, and as I glanced outside at the gray mist, I couldn’t shake the thought that I was going to miss another day of fourth grade. “Why me,” I wondered as I strained my muscles to watch the door. I had a weird disease, the neurologists were saying recently. Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyneuropathy. You can break it down to this. Imagine a horrible disease that rids you of all your physical capabilities. Now multiply that by ten. Put yourself on steroids. Get into a wheelchair. That’s what was left of me. Yup, withering away like a dying fire. Just then my beautiful, totally not pitying myself thoughts were interrupted by the creak of the wooden door with a window in it, as a man in a white coat walked into the room, and after talking with my dad a few minutes, he loaded me into a soft, white bed on wheels, so I closed my eyes as the cart rumbled down the hallway to the elevator. I didn’t really care what happened to me, I was used to pain, as long as there weren't any residents operating on me. It was a mistake that I picked the banana anesthesia, a mistake I would apply to my knowledge it future surgeries. I gaped

By the time that the surgery date pulled up to my front door, I was making anxious fists at my side and biting my nails feverishly as I walked to it’s passenger door. I couldn’t kick the seats like when I was eleven, I couldn’t stomp my feet and scream and tell them how I really felt about it. I had to grow up and acknowledge the challenge at hand. I woke up after a four and a half hour operation screaming from the pain of having two titanium rods screwed to my spine. My dad had told me to stop yelling, as if I had noticed I was doing it in the first place and had any control of how I reacted to pain.

After the doctor left, I could hear the nurse whispering her words of encouragement, but this time it was a little different. She said, “Callie, I know you probably can’t hear me, but I want to let you know that you are so strong and I want you to brave this out. I know you can and I am hoping that you can wake up soon.”

When I was born, I saw many things: my parents, my family, doctors, and the hospital room I was in. I certainly don’t recall seeing any of these things, but I am sure I did. My parents told me I never cried when I was born, which alarmed the doctors, but I like to think it’s because I’m tough. I imagine myself brand new in the world, but not scared because it all looked so nice. I could smell bleach and soap and hear the soft voices of people who already unconditionally loved me. I was unaware of what any of this stuff was, but was aware something big and important just happened. I was aware that my existence was in that space, with those people, at that time; with those hospital curtains in front of the door, that were shadowing me from the rest of the world.